1) BM told SD that Daddy never wanted her - a sick twisted version of the truth. He had told BM before they ever got pregnant that he didn't think it was a good idea that they have kids, given her mental health (she's bipolar.) At least SD told him what BM had said so he could clear it up with her.

2) BM barred Daddy from SD's swim meets, saying she would pull SD out of the program if he dared show up. BM said that since swimming was not paid for by him, that he had no right to be there. She then got her father to threaten him not to come. Then she proceeded to tell SD that she had given Daddy the schedule, but he had chosen not to come.

3) BM tells SD that Daddy has a new family (me and our daughter together) and that he now doesn't have time for her and prefers to be with us.

4) BM takes away Daddy's scheduled time with SD and then "generously" offers time to make up for it DURING WORK HOURS, which of course he has to decline since he needs to keep his job to pay 60% of his income to her for alimony and child support. BM then "proves" to SD that Daddy doesn't want to see her because he has a new family, as mentioned in #3.

5) BM badmouths Daddy to SD, saying that he's irresponsible, lazy, untrustworthy, and other unsavory (and untrue!) traits. SD goes to Daddy and asks him why Mommy says these things - so I'm hoping that means she doesn't believe her.

6) BM doesn't allow SD to call Daddy when she's with her (which is 90% of the time) and when Daddy calls SD, BM makes her get off the phone 30 seconds into the conversation. We got a cell phone for SD in order to keep in touch with her, but BM keeps it in the bottom of her purse uncharged, but is sure to send it with SD fully charged for our weekends together, and she proceeds to call her approximately 5 times a day - Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.

7) BM guilt trips SD about her relationship with us, saying things like "well if you love your OTHER family so much, why don't you just go live with them?" Her purpose in this is to ensure that SD will never ever EVER choose to live with us, knowing that her poor depressed mother is all by herself, without the love of her life, her only daughter.

There's more, but I'm tired of typing.

-like when ss wanted to come w/me & daughter to event, but the witch said no and made a stupid excuse like taking the dog for grooming! more like she needs the grooming not the dog!

-like when she emails my husband on schedule/update re: ss but does not cc me.

-like when i call ss mother to invite them, she doesn't answer her damn phone and screens it & decides whether or not to call me or ignore me.

this list can go on and on!

-happy mom

Alienation...

-Deny him visitation and then tell the kids that Daddy can't pick them up because he is too busy with his "new" family.

-Won't tell us who the kids' doctors or teachers are, then changes doctors/schools if we happen to find out so that we won't have access to information about the kids.

-Won't answer the phone when we call, erases messages we leave on the machine, deletes the emails we send to the kids before they've read them, intercepts UPS man and throws away presents, then tells kids that Daddy didn't send them a Christmas/birthday gift.

-Attempted to keep the kids away from our wedding. (It was to be a family ceremony uniting us and our kids as a family, not just us as husband and wife. But we eventually tricked her and got around that.)

-Told the kids that he wasn't paying his child support because he had a new baby that was getting all the money. (Would you believe we actually had to show the oldest daughter a letter from our bank to the judge that showed that our bank account was set up for automatic transfers from our account to hers and that he had NEVER missed or was even late for one payment?!)

-Pointed out that because Daddy had a new family to support, he couldn't take them on great vacations, buy them expensive gifts, make time to go to their school functions, etc. like she could.

-Refused to tell us when kids were hospitalized, then told them that we didn't care or we'd have gone to visit them in the hospital. This happened twice with two different kids. One child was even hit by a car and he didn't find out until several months later.

-The two younger ones have learning disabilities and I think she intimated to them that Daddy loves his "new" kids better because they don't have "problems."

-Won't answer the phone when Grandma calls, erases Grandma's voice mails, tells the kids that Daddy's mom doesn't care about them.

-Tells them that Daddy has replaced them with his "new" kids.

-Tells them that I hate their mother and so I can't possibly love them.

-Guilts them into saying lies about us and into saying that they don't want to visit with us.

-Encouraged the kids to call their stepfather Daddy.

-Won't let the kids call or email Daddy. Never encourages them to send them a card or call him on Father's Day, his birthday, holidays, special occasions. Has them celebrate Father's Day with their stepfather and ignore their father.

I could go on and on. Sadly, she has pretty much achieved her goal of alienating my husband from the kids. He is successful in getting them on the phone maybe once a month and, since we live so far away, he never gets to see them. They are now teenagers, so I think he is biding his time until they turn 18, then he is going to tell them the unvarnished truth about how his attempts to be a father to his children were thwarted by their mother over the years. I think they already know some of this. It's so sad! He's such a great dad, too.

~ Anne ~

BM told SS that DH would be worth more to them dead than alive. She went on to do calculations from life insurance and Social Security to give him actual dollar amounts. SS repeated this word for word to all of the kids at the family camp WE took him to.

SS was promptly ostracized by all of the kids, including mine, (whose father IS actually dead) for the rest of the camp week.

What a heartless piece of work BM is!

*Telling SS that he can have a friend sleep over--only on nights when he is supposed to be with his father. (Naturally, the child then wants to stay home)

*Saying he can't visit because he has to go to a baby shower???

*Buying 10 yo rate M video games after I banned them from my home

*teaming up with BM #1 (yup, there's two)to plant wild ideas in child's head. (BM#1 is drug user, in/out of shelters, hasn't visited in four years, more on that another time) having SS tell 5 year old, "(I) she is not your mother. She won't let your real mother come to see you..."

*NOT telling DH why ss was ordered to go to extra counseling by school guidance counselor

and finally...

*telling SS that his last name has been changed to new husband's. Having him leave phone msg, "This is Johny Blue...", when his name is Johnny Red. SS even said to SS #2, "Dad is not my Dad anymore."

Pathetic, isn't she?

She's a prize.

We are afraid that if we take her to court for contempt, she will begin a barrage of police and CPS phone calls, false reports, etc. In fact, I just know that is the route she would go. Heck, she even wanted to know if I wore a bikini around the kids in the summer. (which I usually don't, but I bought one for the occasion.)

is there ANY way to deal with Parental Alienation other than going back to court?

DH and I are honestly worried that BM will go absolutely nuts if we take her back on contempt.

We both figure she will unload ruthlessly on SS. "The judge says you have to go, even though I don't want you to.." "Too bad you can't stay with me, I was going to take you to________" "What is that little bruise on your leg? Don't be afraid to tell me if ______hit you, because if they did, you wouldn't have to go there anymore, then we could be together..."

You get the picture. I am petrified of her, or rather the damage she knows she could inflict on everyone I love...

If you read my blog you will see what has happened in our situation. We live it. The BM is nuts and has been ruthless in her attempts to alientate the girls against their dad, myself, and our son.... She has been successful with the oldest sd, but the yougest - bless her heart - she has remained immune.... somehow the yougest will listen to her mom but with she is with us has no problem with anyone. The oldest will throw you breadcrumbs of nice-ness but we walk on eggshells, she has carried her mothers anger....

Whenever we have fought for our rights for visitaion, the girls and everyone else (ex inlaws, grandparents, etc) have suffered tremendously... when we finally backed off for their sake, the girls were happier not having the mothers wrath on them, but my DH and I suffered... I dont know what the answer is... I would really be interested in what adult children from a situation like this would say about it, what their non custodial parent should do....

BM in my situation does some strange things. I don't know if some of it classifies as alienation.

• She will send emails to BF and myself supposedly from SS, which pose very personal questions about our relationship, or say that he hates me, or ask when BF's going to come back and be a family, etc. When asked about the emails, SS denies ever sending any. SS has even asked to read some of the emails, and gets very offended when he realizes that BM is putting these nasty words in his mouth.
• She constantly complains about BF not paying child support, when he is in fact paying her not only the required amount, but extra to try to catch up on arrears. When she can't afford something, she blames it on BF not paying child support.
• SS went home from playing video games with BF and me all day. She told him "BF can't afford to pay me your child support but he can buy himself a brand new Nintendo."
• BM tells SS (and others) that if I weren't around for visitation, SS wouldn't get fed or taken care of. Apparently BF is completely inadequate as a parent.
• BM calls SS at least five times each time he is with us for visitation (which is only 8 hours long) and keeps him on the phone an average of 15-30 minutes.
• When SS is here for visitation she bombards him with questions about what's going on, and encourages him to tell us that he hates me and wants me to go away.
• She got an order of protection on BF so that he couldn't be around her or SS or have any contact with them whatsoever. That only lasted for a few weeks before BF took her to court and had it dropped, but she succeeded in keeping SS home from two scheduled visitations that time.
• She made out a Christmas wish list for SS to give to BF, which included "Not being around Nymh" and "Dad coming home to be a family".

Like everyone else here, I could go on and on with the ridiculous things she has done. It seems that the list gets longer every day. I really just wish that she would stop letting her anger run her life and see how much she's hurting SS when she does these things. We're trying so hard to make life easier for him and show him how much we love him, but it's so hard and discouraging when every time we turn around she's done something else or started another lie that we have to fix or explain.

I've tried so hard to look at things from her perspective and see what WE may have done that SHE could perceive as an attack and probable cause for this behavior...but honestly, I can't come up with anything. We only speak to her when she calls us, we only email her in response to emails she sends to us, we are polite and try to be understanding in all of our contact with her, we are non-threatening and non-assumptive when we do correspond with her, we don't talk about our relationship or future plans with her, we've never unnecessarily taken her to court or had our lawyers contact her, we pay child support on time plus extra to make up for arrears. I really don't see what she could have a problem with other than the fact that I exist and she's not married to BF anymore. Well, you know what, I may not like the color blue, but the sky will always be blue no matter how I feel about it, and I can't go around making everyone's life hell because of something that has nothing to do with me and I cannot change.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*