Tough conversations with the skids about BM
BM is supposed to call once a day to talk to her kids. Out of the last 7 days, she's called twice. The girls have asked to call her twice as well, and she hasn't answered either time.
The two times she DID talk to them, she cut the conversation short and hung up. SD4 cried into a beeping dial tone both times.
At bed time, DH usually goes in a tucks them in while I straighten up around the house. I pop in and say goodnight before their story. Both phone call days, SD4 asked to talk to me alone (without DH) where she proceeded to ask me why "mommy with the red hair" never wants to talk to her.
What do you do in these situations? I gave her a generic reply, saying that mommy was really busy getting ready to move (which is not a huge stretch, but probably not the truth). DH brought it up this morning to try and address the concerns, but neither one of the kids wants to talk to him about it. They say it's "girl talk" and boys aren't allowed to hear (I know it's not funny, but this makes me giggle anyway).
Advice, comments, thoughts?
I have been dealing with this
I have been dealing with this since Jan. 20th. SD3 has gone from sad, to angry, back to sad and she has been in therapy for three days a week since it happened.
There is NO right answer. There is NO wrong answer. All I can say is Stop the calls. Have them make mommy a card, picture, letter before bed time. They can tell mom about their day through those pictures. If mom calls of course let them talk to her however it makes it worse when they call and they get ignored. We have had them call every night, then we switched to the art project. They are less stressed now. SD3 is back to crying her self to sleep but that is because the shrink is really pushing her to get her past her anger issues and she doesnt know how to express her self yet.
All you can do is say something like "I dont know honey she is really busy, but you know how much you are loved" Push the fact that they are loved by everyone in their family. They dont see Grandma __ every day but grandma love them, they dont see Anut E every day ect...
That's a really tough call!
That's a really tough call! The other posters are right to say you are doing a great job too. It's heartbreaking, our twins were abandoned by their mother at age 11 and it's caused more hell than I can even mention here. The important thing is to remind them that they are loved, as the other poster said. It's no use getting into it with BM, she will probably not do anything any differently in reality...if she does it will be short lived and then you will have extra grief to deal with from the kids. I think making excuses for her is not always the best idea, instead I would say you do not know because you hadn't spoken to her iether and suggest they ask her next time she calls. Meanwhile, they are much loved and very fortunate children to have you in their lives.