Thought I would post this in general discussion too to give others a chance to read it: Anxiety.
I am sorry I am posting not totally about a step issue on this topic but more so about Anxiety/Panic and PTSD. If you read my past posts you know how I developed this disabling disease.
Its hard for me to ask or post questions about it but I do on here because I value what people say on here and I don't feel like finding a whole different forum for anxiety when it is all step based to begin with and I have come here about the main issues.
My question is basically to see if anyone out here has the similar situations as me. It helps me to understand and helps me in the way of not feeling so alone in this.
My anxiety/panic is sometimes 24/7. I can sometimes have it a day here and a day there but it always lasts a long time. My symptoms are many but the main ones is the off balance feeling, feeling sometimes like I want to faint. Feeling like I am going to die. Chest tightness, shaking in the hands, hard to breathe. I almost ALWAYS get these symptoms while driving a car, being in a busy place such as a grocery store and I get them every time I shower...yes shower...this is driving me nuts. I feel I have to adapt and I hate it. For the car, I stick to the town I am living in unless DH is with me. For the shower, I either wait till DH gets home for lunch for me to hop in the shower or I do it at night while he is here and then the next day I will just wash my hair in the sink to get rid of bed head. I hate this because before I got anxiety (which came from a combination of dealing with horrible SD19 combined with a tick borne illness) I never had issues like this. The thing that really ticks me off is I used to LOVE driving, so much that one of the reasons I was a police officer for so many years was due to being able to drive for 8 hour shift if I could. I loved driving! Now I cant stand it because of the way it makes me feel. I used to love long hot showers now they are reduced to the minimal just so I can get out. Sometimes I panic so much that I have to get out without shaving!!! This is driving me up a wall. Today it just got to me again.
I have had a big work up and nothing else is wrong with me that they found except that I have secondary anxiety and panic and due to having a ton of symptoms of PTSD, I have that too. I am in therapy. She is trying to teach me to emotionally detach from SD. I have only been to one session so far though. I am on alprazolam .25mg up to 3x a day as needed. I know there are many other pills that would probably be best for me but my doctor tried 5 of them and because I am so sensitive to medications I had to be just given the alprazolam as its the only thing that works for me. I am a weird one, even have to take extra salt in my diet due to too low of blood pressure haha. Ugh. Anyways I was wondering if anyone else has these issues. I know last time I posted I had a lot of feedback. I just want to know maybe because even after 2 years of it and being checked and scanned for everything under the sun medically, I wonder if they missed something. I highly doubt it since most the time I get really bad its because there is a trigger like the other day being warned that SD19 will most likely be at the family Christmas. I haven't seen her since June and don't want to see her. We may not be going. I don't want to get into that though because right now I am more concerned about my anxiety, panic and PTSD and wondering if it will ever go away or if I will be like this forever.
No I am not suicidal when I say this BUT I am thankful God gave me my babies otherwise I honestly don't think I would be here today. The disease hits me so physically even more then it hits me emotionally and mentally...its so physical. The doctor said it is debilitating anxiety and panic. This is killing me, I just want a normal life. Before this I was a up beat happy person who was full of energy. I was pulling a high GPA going back to college, had a baby while being in college and still functioned 100% that is the way I ALWAYS was even if I was going through crap. I was always good under pressure even when I worked as a cop but now I am a mess. I fall to pieces easily and I can barely function. I do a good job of hiding it now for my kids and really doing the best I can. I don't share this with many people in my life. I tend to let everyone looking in think everything is ok. Its not. I live with this horrible thing daily. My kids are what keep me moving and so does DH...we have our issues like a normal couple but he is wonderful to me and I am so thankful for that. Even stands by my side through this disengagement crap with SD19. Ok thanks.