Is there a pampered prince/princess in your home?
As a step, my suggestions about SS11 are not welcome. I am not his parent. I am either ignored by BF, given the typical head nod and "yes dear" or if I persists, my suggestions are treated with hostility. Here is what I experience with SS. He is a totally lazy ass, excuse my bluntness. I am floored with what this child gets away with in comparison to what my life was growing up and what I think is healthy and instructive for a child who is being guided to healthy adulthood. I fear for what kind of person is being created in my home...like my home is an incubator in the process of creating a miserable self absorbed waste of a brain. If this was my child, I could step in (so to speak), provide guidance, teach the poor child some values. As it is, I feel like a witness to a train wreck. Here is this kids life. Wake up, play video games, sit on the couch and watch TV, eat, eat, eat more, video games, decide between the list of entertainment options dad gives him (golf, movie, store for new toys, ice cream, etc.)video games, TV (anything he wants to watch), more food (whatever he requests for dinner), dessert (again, whatever his heart desires), bedtime of his choosing. repeat, repeat, repeat day after day. He will not pick up a book because "its summer." Everyone who cares about our family and SS, like grandparents who come to visit, cannot believe the child has no chores, no responsibility and no limits. Grandma asked nicely for SS to help dry dishes the other day. SS didn't get up from the couch and dad said nothing. To cover up his lack of authority, dad eventually said the kitchen was too crowded to have another person in there drying dishes. Last night, we called SS for dinner. He came downstairs and instead of heading to the kitchen, he sat down on the couch. When dad told him to come and fill his plate, he said, "I don't see my food on the table yet." He does not make his bed, clean anything, do basic things like apply his lotion he is supposed to use nightly to his own face (dad has to do it). He plops his bags down when he comes into the house, and dad carefully empties and organizes for him. SS is showered with money, allowance for doing nothing and birthday money for the kid who has everything. He literally has hundreds of dollars in his room because he can't think of anything else to buy. How about teaching him to invest?? Duh. If he ever does anything like carry a dirty dish to the sink, he says "that will be two dollars." It makes me cring. I suggest often that SS have some chores to which dad replies, he mows the lawn. Yeah right, all the kid has to do is say he is tired to get out of that job. He has literally mowed the lawn 3 times in the course of the past 4 months. I ask to you all, what is this child learning about how the world works, how to do things, how to help others, how to get along with others? Sadly, unless he finds a woman from 1950 who is willing to wait on him for the rest of his life, he is doomed to unhappiness. How is he going to function at work with the attitude that others exist to serve him? He starts junior high school in one week. Dad had always done his homework for him. The child functions like a 6 year old because nothing more has ever been asked of him. He isn't an idiot; he takes advantage because he can. I feel powerless to do anything. Are other skids this lazy? Are they little princes and princesses with servant parents? Is this all secondary to guilty divorced parenting? I fear everyday what kind of teenager we will soon face. And how about beyond? A child raised like this becomes the sort of fat lazy adult who lives with his dad (and frustrated step parent) at age 35 and spends the day eating dorritos and watching Jerry Springer. I count the days until he goes to college...but the way its going, what if he never leaves? He won't likely ever have the skills to live on his own the way dad is parenting him now.
My Skids sound exactly like
My Skids sound exactly like this and hubby and I just had a discussion about this a couple of weeks ago. Whenever they come over they do whatever they want, watch endless TV, play video games (hubby did actually ban the computer) eat, eat and eat more, they eat ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner and leave a dang pig pen mess wherever they go.
I told him at thier age (11 and 12) it is ridiculous that they behave like this and I could care less if they act like this at home, NOT AT MINE! He and I are not the maid! I refuse to do dishes when they are there, I make hubby do them and I refuse to pick up after them, their mess sits there until hubby has to pick it up. He did have a talk when them last week about their messes, but that will last a couple of weeks and then they'll be back at it.
I don't even ask that they have chores... just CLEAN UP YOUR OWN FRIGGIN MESS! I agree with you, they are doomed for a life of unhappiness because they are being taught that everyone is there to serve THEM and when they get welcomed to the real world of jobs and husbands and wives, they are in for a very rude awakening!
thing is, my SO is very
thing is, my SO is very lenient towards her daughter, yet to follow through with any suggested discipline, and quick to "help" the girl clean up after herself. She chooses to do this, and other subservient behaviour. One of my favorites to watch is the compromises that are made. I only wish the the deals she made with me were of the nature, I'd get what I want, and she'd take care of the rest. But it is not so. Fact is, that this is toxic to me because as an objective opinion, I can see easier the effects of this behaviour in SD, and it is ruining her. SO is quick to point out when someone else: such as grandparents or friends are spoiling the girl, but doesn't seem to rcognize that all of the possessions do for her nothing compared to the lack of responsibility. I have had to just step out of the deal, but know that this is liable to ruin us if there is not something done. I want children (at least1) of my own (ours?), but recognize that this is not how I would cater to a child, nor is it exemplary as how I would like my child's role model to act.
So my dilemna resides to the effect that parenting styles may eventually be the unchanging stone that weights us down.
You did not mention other children, so this may not be as pertinent as it is to me, but when thee are kids involved, it is important to be together as adults, to avoid mixed-messages and manipulation. Good luck with patience.
Yep, I have one too.
Yep, I have one too. Thankfully she is only here EOW. My H caters to this 5 year old kid like she's the queen of friggin England. It's disgusting and makes me insane. I have 2 bios and one is my BD4 who is more self sufficiant and independent now than H's kids will likely be at 20. It's sad to know how much trouble these kids are going to have in the real world and it's frustrating to know that these kids will still be our problem long after adulthood because they will be running to daddy to fix and do everything for them FOREVER.
I experienced this scenario
I experienced this scenario with my ex-H and SD. I'll never forget his response after I calmly and objectively explained that he was creating person who would be forever dependent upon him and need him to solve her problems for the rest of her life. It went something like this, "I want her to need me and be able to depend on me the rest of her life." And, be assured, it wasn't intended in the healthy sense of always being there for your child. He needed her to need him to fulfill his needs. He wasn't willing to do the hard job of parenting to teach self-reliance and problem solving. His parenting to create a forever co-dependent child was by design! I lost a lot of respect for him as a result of that revelation.
P.S. His daughter is finally solving her own problems (mostly). She's 27.
This is a common refrain.
This is a common refrain. Check out some of my prior posts on my "step-slob." When step-slob was 13, he moved in with his "perfect" bio-daddy, who is still living at home with **his** mother, the step-slob's grandmother. "Perfect" bio-daddy could not be bothered to parent his son, and neither could the grand-mother, but she did spoil the absolute shit out of him. Step-slob got every video game system, ate what he wanted when he wanted it, and never had any chores. Guess what happend? Step-slob barely gradutated high school. He is 20 years old, doesn't have a drivers license, and doesn't have a job. He is pushing 300 pounds, and never quite managed to master the whole "hygiene" thing. He has no prospects in life, and it is 100% due to lazy parenting and "child adoration." My nightmare scenario is that grand-mother passes away, and SS tries to move in with me and DW. Ain't happening!
I have a pampered SS7 EOW and
I have a pampered SS7 EOW and it drives me crazy! It's not the kids fault, it's my DH fault for sure! God forbid if SS7 feels like he isn't on "vacation" at our house every visit.
When we had him for a week this summer my DH approach was "I'm going to make sure that we have fun every second so that he wants to come back for a week again. I want him to look back and think of all of the fun he had with his Dad." I'm not kidding, those were his words. The last day we had him I was laying on the couch 8 months pregnant with killer heartburn and DH had to mow the lawn. DH was freaking out that I wasn't going to "play" with SS7 while he was busy, I told him it was ok for SS7 to just chill and watch a movie with me. DH husband said (I can't make this sh*t up) "ok, just don't let him get bored!" STFU...don't let him get bored?! I lost a lot of respect for DH that day.
I have a stepson that is a
I have a stepson that is a lot like this. He accuses my daughter(his stepsister) of being the gloriously spoiled one in our house, yet he acts just like yours. He is the king of the house at 17. Eveybody owes him everything,he admits he`s lazy and laughs about it, thinks his stepsister gets pampered(she`s 10), whines because he doesn`t get everything he wants, and when we go shopping, he convinces his mother(natural parent) what he needs- the best, and then wears it with LOTS of pride, I tell you it`s disgusting.
Had a princess living in the
Had a princess living in the house, ( a.k.a Sd21 ) ......never again !!!!!
Only room for one " Queen" in this Castle ( well my humble home !!!) hehehe !!!
Yes, my SD7 is the most
Yes, my SD7 is the most spoiled child I know. Her BM does everything for her including feeding her when she is too tired to feed herself! Yes, spoon feeding a 7 year old!!! She whines and pouts when she doesnt get her way. There are so many other things she does that I just cant see her doing at her age.
Katie
My SD9 is the same way. She
My SD9 is the same way. She whines and it drives me nuts. Then she starts pouting and stomps her feet. It's like dealing with a 2 year old! :sick:
SD9 and SD11 are the pampered
SD9 and SD11 are the pampered princesses in our house. If "daddydaddydaddy" is up by 8am on the weekends they will come and knock on our bedroom door demanding her breakfast. They must be entertained at all hours or the incessant "I'm boooored!!!!" cries will ensue. If I am in the middle of making dinner, they will rummage through the pantry determined to ruin their appetites with "snacks" consisting of chips, cake, etc.
DH is good about making them do chores to earn things they want, but they only want to do "fun" chores like watering the lawn (aka playing with the hose). This weekend SD11 wanted an overpriced hoodie (mind you it hasn't hit below 100 degrees in Texas in about 3 months) and DH told her she had to help me mop the floors. She decided that the jacket wasn't worth it.
I hate it when SD7 refers to
I hate it when SD7 refers to dad as dada ir daddy like she is 2. Or when she points to something she wants instead of just asking for it and when she does decide to ask, usually its me want this or me want that instead of I. I guess BM encourages it because she talks to SD the same way...like a baby. Like I mentioned earlier, she is WAY too old to be fed by mom and certainly too old to still be wetting her damn pants.
Katie
Yep
Girl yessss. This is my house to a T now. It's like I wrote this. Idk I'm sorry I have no advice, but I will sure hope we get some. TBH the best way I've been able to cope had been to just spend more time away,, which really sucks because before my home was my sanctuary and I can't help but feel like it's ruined. I'm thinking about finding a therapist to talk to and get better coping skills because all it does is cause tension if I say something, then I'm the bad guy now. I'm sorry but I 100% understand
Why waste the care on this failed family progeny?
Time to write him off. Everyone else is actively writing him off. Why should you worry about the parental failures that this couch turd represents? Heck I am surprised your FIL did not slap his own son for how much of a waste of skin this 11yo is.
The only good news in this slow motion train wreck story is that you are only 7 years from purging this couch mushroom from your home.
Deep breaths. Enjoy that future Skid free date on your life's calendar.