no money for retirement (or anything) because of SS
How much money does your husband give to your skids, and do you have any say at all in this? SS 16 realized long ago, that his dad is easy. Not only will he do anything SS demands the second he demands it, but he will also buy whatever SS wants the moment he demands or lately, SS has been demanding that his dad keeps adding money to this pseudo credit card thing that he has given SS (he is too irresponsible to carry cash). Husband brushes my concern off by saying that this is his money and not mine that he is spending on SS. That is bullcrap in a marriage. The money he wastes on SS is money that we don't have for vacation and money that we don't have to retire. When my husband needs some basic thing for himself (like clothes without holes) he says he can't afford them. Meanwhile, he gives SS 100$ gift cards to Abecrombie and Fitch. It is so bad that husband freaks out at Christmas because he can't think of a thing to buy SS. Duh Einstein, if you give him everything on demand, there is nothing left for his Christmas list. I don't want to pay for my husband's entire retirement because he wasted it all on SS. I have worked hard and saved my whole life, and my parents taught me the value of money. Unless I divorce him, I am stuck paying for his future as he siphons it all to SS. SS is an able bodied teenager who refuses to work. His dad loaded $200 onto this pseudo credit card less than a week ago and the kid calls last night to bitch that it is gone. I know his mother isn't coughing up any money, so he runs to dad as his personal bank. If I say anything, he says it is none of my business how much money he gives his kid. I almost feel sorry for my husband to watch him be so used like this. Basically his son is robbing him and my husband is enjoying it because he feels needed. My husband paid for three very expensive vacations for SS this summer (no, seriously....and took me on zero). Thousands of dollars on airfare and hotels and food for SS while we work 8+ hours per day. My husband suggested that maybe SS take some of his allowance to use for souveniers. SS just laughed so husband gave him $200 more for souveniers. What did SS bring back for his dad from his vacations? Nothing. What did he buy for his dad last Christmas? Nothing. I know I have not become completely heartless yet because it literally almost made me cry when SS didn't even get dad a card for his birthday....less than 2 months after dad bought SS a shiny new car for his 16th.
Yes, your focus is on the
Yes, your focus is on the wrong person. It's your DH that is the problem, not SS.
And if you are already agreeing to fund your DH's retirement while he gives all his money to SS, then you are part of the problem as well.
I understand that it would suck if you retired and your DH was still working, but that's how it would go in my house. I made it clear from day 1 that my money would NOT be funding the household or our retirement, so that he could go buy skids cars, or college educations, or any other skid items that he has not planned for one bit.
You can put your foot down. No it is not "his money, his business", that's not how a marriage works.
But it sounds like he is already married....to his son.
I would have ZERO respect for someone that allows themselves to be used and abused, then expects ME to enable this behavior.
Grab your lady balls! This is total BS, and your DH is dooming your financial future as a couple.
Where exactly are the lady
Where exactly are the lady balls located?
no money for retirement (or
no money for retirement (or anything) because of SS
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This should actually read.....no money for retirement (or anything) because of DH
It's a complete deal breaker
It's a complete deal breaker for me too. My only suggestion is to talk him to a financial consultant so a neutral party, preferably a male, can tell him how screwed he is and tell him how to improve it.
The scariest aspect of your
The scariest aspect of your situation is that your SS will likely never stop mooching. Sure, he's a minor now, but your stupid H has conditioned him to feel entitled. Do you want to have to live with this stupidity for the rest of your life? Because with his skewed expectations, Lil Johnny isn't going to smoothly transition into a responsible adult.
Firstly, you have to stop the hemorrhaging. If it means separate finances, a strict allowance, or separation, do something! Secondly, you need to decide if yoor marriage is even worth the fight. Thirdly, your H needs serious counseling; would he even be willing to change? Is he strong enough to handle the epic blowback that WILL occur when/if he closes his wallet?
Dealbreaker for me as
Dealbreaker for me as well....
im very lucky. from day one,
im very lucky. from day one, my fiance has refused to give money to SD for anything other than 1 birthday gift and 1 christmas gift. anything else she wants, the line is "go ask your mother".
he has been up front with her from day one as to how much CS he pays. it is above and beyond what that kid actually needs in order to eat and be clothed, but that's MA for ya. it was hard for him at first, but he's used to it now, and SD is pretty well "trained" and knows not to ask him for money for anything.
How much financially do you
How much financially do you contribute to the household? If he's the sole financial contributor, its a tougher argument that you have on your hands to dictate how much $$ he spends on SS.
If you contribute 50% then it makes your argument stronger. Then you would literally bankrolling your retirement because his contribution is going SS.
Hello thebrightside.
Hello thebrightside. Actually I earn a hell of a lot more than my husband. I know. I need to walk away with my finances and what is left of my dignity intact. Thanks for all the advice. I am working up to take it.