Hello all,

I am in the worst freaking mood today. Last weekend and the weekend has been a circus with my stepson from my former marriage. I have written about him before but I will do a quick update.

This marriage was a rebound after my first marriage imploded and only lasted 2 years. By some strange circumstances, my exH and I were able to stay on good terms. We had been friends before we dated and just never should have tried to be a couple. Anyway, he and my youngest child, DD9, are extremely close, she calls him Daddy and they see each other on a regular basis. Her bio-dad left when she was 15 months old so she bonded to her stepdad quickly, we married when she was almost 4. His son and my DS17 are best friends and he is in and out of my house on a very regular basis. They go to the same school, etc.

ExH and I had full custody when we were married, his ex was out of the picture for much of that time. She was not mentally stable and had tried to harm him during their divorce and received a felony sentence due to her actions. She had supervised visits for years and has had un-supervised visits for about 2.5 years now. He is 16 now so the possibility of her hurting him again is nil.

Anyway, SS16 had gone through years of counseling, was reintroduced to his mother and visits were supervised by a therapist, etc etc. It was a mess and was a large part of why our marriage failed. We did not know what we were doing and the stress was too much for us both and we fought almost constantly. As I said before, we managed to stay friends and the kids are part of both of our lives.

SS16 last week told his dad and my DS17 that he often thinks of killing himself and has been stealing money from all of us for years. That part was so strange for me because he does not want for anything but it turns out he was worried about his future and had been squirreling it away. Okay, given what he went through we were shocked but felt like there was a defined plan to address what we thought was childhood depression.

Then this weekend he revealed that he also is extremely angry with his dad, mom and ME and has thought in detail about killing all of us. Can you imagine how you would feel if you were to hear this verbalized about a kid you have loved, worried about and treated as your own since he was 7?

I am so depressed/sad and frankly angry. I am angry at his god damn mother for starting this whole thing years ago by trying to kill him. I am angry at his dad for not recognizing this kid was in crisis sooner and I am angry at the kid for dragging me into this. I realize this last part is selfish on my part but it is how I feel.

He was admitted to the inpatient treatment facility at a local hospital this morning and we will see what they determine to be the best course of action for him. I spoke to a friend who is a therapist and the only silver lining is that he verbalized all this instead of going ahead and acting on it. The possibility of this having gone sideways is very real and terrifying.

So, what do you think of that shit?