Stepdaughter’s family epitome of white trash
Hi. My 13 year old stepdaughter's biological father passed two years ago this month. It was hard on her, of course, but she's coming to terms with it, thankfully. I can't imagine losing my Dad at 11 years old. Counseling had helped.
Her Mom and I are careful in how we talk about him. He was abusive and a drug addict in the end. It was bad. But still, that was her Daddy, and we respect that and handle with care.
My problem is with my wife's ex in-laws. They're very dysfunctional and I don't like my stepdaughter being around them. The grandmother is a hoarder and her house is infested with roaches. There's alcohol and drug abuse, too. There's too many issues to list. Not a good environment for my stepdaughter.
I discussed my concerns with my wife and she decided not to allow her daughter to stay the night with that side of the family anymore. If they want to see her they have to come to our place or take her out for a meal or visit in public.
I'm glad my wife came to this decision. I realize the most I can do is to voice my concerns, but it's up to my wife to decide visitation.
I'm not happy that these people will always be part of my stepdaughter's life. I suppose my approach is to be the best stepdad possible so she sees what a stable, loving family is like.
Welcome advice and guidance! Thanks for reading.
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How do they treat your SD?
What kind of relationship do your SD and her GPs have? The reason I ask is that your description of dad and his family sounds just like my ex and his family.
My ex-MIL was a very loving person who adored my 2 bios and all her GKs. Yes, she was the matriarch of a dysfunctional family and the house was a mess but the love shone out of her. My in-laws weren't together enough to come pick up my bios but I didn't prevent the kids from visiting if someone else, like SIL or dad when straight, took them.
My 2 bios have warm memories of her and took the rest of the dysfunction in stride. Every situation is different but I didn't want to stop contact because MIL was such a loving, doting GM.
Your family's situation is a tough one.
My own ILs were horders. It was horribly disgusting. My DW was only in it for about 10 years. My 2BILs and my SIL were pretty much raised in it from birth.
Though my IL clan never partook or drugs or alcohol. Even if they had, it would not made much difference to my family. My DW had left with her toddler for college. That is where we met. We have never lived nearer than 1200 miles to either my ILs or to the NCP S7ermClan. We did have toxic blended family opposition issues to deal with but at most SS only saw the SpermClan for 5wks per year. (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring). and often they went a year or more without taking their COd visitation.
If your SKid's SpermCLan does not have COd visitation, your DW is in total control. That gives you and your DW the ability to mitigate much of the SpermClan's toxicity. We never denied visitation though neither did we ever reach out to them when their visiation period was approaching. It was on them to engage my DW and notify that they intended to take their SKid time.
Neither did we ever deny time with my IL clan. Our life did not facilitate regular time with them, we both worked on college, grad school, our careers, and lived in several US States and spent nearly a decade as Expats. That did not facilitate regular IL clan interface.
It is possible to be close with family and have close relationships even if you do not see them in person often. That is how my brother and I were raised.. My parents met as children overseas. When they finished universty they made their adult lives togehter overseas. So we only saw either set of GPs or extneded family for a few weeks in the summer time.
My brother and I did the same with our families. We remained exceptionally close with my a parents. We are all back in the States now.
My point is, that if your SKid's SpermCLan cannot offer a healthy or safe place for her to visit and spend time with them, you and DW are doing the right thing. IMHO, your DW needs to end any time her dauthter has in ther IL's home. All time should be either in your home or at restautants, hotels, etc...v
Take care of you and take care of your family..