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SS lifted his head up and saw dad is moving

Cookieboom's picture

As you know from previous posts, SS is moving.  When BF moved a while ago, SS was mad that he “didn’t consult with him.”

Now that he is moving out of the condo to a small studio apartment, he has been telling SS that he is moving (To prepare him) and SS has been saying, “You’re not moving, you’re pipe dreaming, you’re bluffing.”

He has been telling SS to go through his stuff but SS has not, still making comments about “You’re not moving you’re bluffing.” 

BF has been throwing things away by himself and moving stuff to his new apartment.

SS came over condo yesterday and was shocked to see a lot of stuff gone.   He began complaining about why he has to move, and BF said, “I have been telling you for a while, you are not listening, I have been telling you to go through your stuff and you have not done so.” 

SS said he doesn’t want to move and that BF should move back to the suburbs instead of the city, and said “It is not good for a father to do this to his child, to keep moving!” (Straight out of BM’s mouth) and “I don’t know why you keep moving and why you won't move back to the burbs.”

BF had enough and told SS “I was in nice cheap apartment with a great landlord, I got full custody of you so I decided to get a house.  Then I went from full custody of you to not seeing you for almost a year, to getting you back this small amount of time.  The whole time you’re here you are disrespectful and rude.  The mortgages and the rents are now too expensive and I cannot afford to live here anymore.” 


BF said, “This is the way it has to be, I am moving to a place I can afford.”

SS: Crickets

CastleJJ's picture

"Well SS, this is what happens when a parent spends an insane amount of money on legal fees to try to stay in your life." 

Cookieboom's picture

I love that answer!! 

justmakingthebest's picture

Except that places blame on the child.... It isn't SS's fault that his parents can't figure out how to co-parent and share custodial time without court interference. 

ndc's picture

I suspect that if SS was willing to spend the 50% time his father won in court WITH his father, his father would financially sacrifice to stay in the condo because a small studio isn't the best place when you have your kid half the time.  Granted, the BM is PASing this kid, but he's old enough to think and do for himself.

Winterglow's picture

I disagree. It gives him insight into the real world. Why hide reality from him?

Cookieboom's picture

BF’s therapist suggested telling SS the truth but in a way so he doesn’t bash BM (As she does with him).  SS told the GAL BM and her family bash me and BF in front of him (It even came out that she and her married boyfriend would bash his wife and make fun of her in front of SS). 

Back in December the judge told BF should show SS the agreement as he will know the truth and know exactly what the court has decided, and the judge admitted in court that there were holes in BM's stories and discrepancies with her depositions and the depositions from the GAL (She asked for the GAL now complains that the GAL is in cahoots with BF).

Rags's picture

the facts model with SS-30 as he progressed through the 16+ years we all lived under his Custody/Visitation/Support CO.

As the toxic half of his blended family equation plied their toxicity, lies, and manipulations, we countered with giving him the truth in an age appropriate manner.  By the time SS was in his early to mid teens, he was well versed in the CO, supplemental county rules, state regulations, official arrest, divorce, etc... records, court hearing recordings, screaming ranting recorded telphone calls, and screaming and randing answering machine messages, doctors records of the neglect of his as a toddlerall  perpetrated by his SpermClan.

Kids need the facts in order to be able to recognize when they are being lied to and manipulated and to build the maturing and ability to protect themselves from those who would PAS them against the other half of their blended family equation.

Facts are neither good not bad. They are merely facts. Lies, manipulations, and PAS... are toxic, bad, and evil.

Sadly, in a COD or similar situation, the good side cannot always be at the kid's side to protect them. We must arm them to protect themselves. The CO, Facts, etc... are the weapons for that defense.  Toxic evil people like those in many of the blended family oppostions that we deal with and our Skids deal with rarely ever stop being toxic. Kids need the facts, truth, and information to protect themselves througout their adult lives as well as protecting themselves progressively as they progress through their CO years.

IMHO of course.

Cookieboom's picture

SS got to his condo this weekend to visit, and demanded that they go to the mall for new Vans (Expensive sneakers).  BF told him we are not doing that, you have to help me move. 

SS began questioning again why he has to move.  BF said, “You know why, I told you the other day, you said last time we moved I didn’t consult with you, now I have been telling you for awhile and you are not listening.  You now have two options: You can get rid of stuff you don’t need, or take stuff to moms.  You can take stuff you want for the new apartment.  IF you don’t, I will get rid of all of it.”

SS once again asked, “Why can’t you move back to the suburbs?”  BF said, “It would be nice if I could, but I cannot afford to live there.”  He also said, “Things are going to change around here. You will no longer be disrespectful to me or my friends, and you will follow rules here.” 

SS did not argue and his behavior was better.  He threw out old/broken stuff, donated stuff he didn’t want and took some stuff to BM’s.  Small steps I guess!

justmakingthebest's picture

I just read your post about your BF being and at you about throwing away SS's toys (since he is a teen now) and his reactions with the therapist. 

I have this really strong feeling that these dramatics are all based on the idea that you were going to move in with him/ have him move in with you to save them and their stuff. He doesn't seem to have come out and say it (from what I saw) but it seems like that is where the misplaced anger is. 

As someone who has spent over 100K on custody battles and lost the kid in the end, I know what  losing fight your BF is in. There is no coming back and no re-cooping those losses. I WISH we would have never fought and just let it go. But, just like for us, it is too late for that now. 

Stick to your guns about not living together until he is financially stable again. Really, I think you need to re-evaluate how he acts and ask yourself - if this was my best friend and I saw her man acting like this, what would I say? Would I tell her to stay in this or leave? 

Cookieboom's picture

I have no intentions of moving in with BF.  I do not want SS's and BM's drama in my home.  

Notthedoormat's picture

His dad and I separated when he was about 3. Fast-forward and my son has seen harsh truths about his dad over the years.  I won't hide the kind of person my ex is, but I do try to make it age-appropriate. 

He came home just Saturday morning as his dad had taken him for his eye exam and my son tells me his dad wants $$$ for an second pair of glasses. This moron thinks its a great idea for DS to have a pair for his house and a pair for my house...but this kid has a hard time keeping up with the pair meant to be worn all the time.  I texted my ex and told him what my opinion is. And I added that he made an executive decision and would accept executive responsibility because he didn't consult me.

I agree a backup pair is a great idea, but I'm not on board with him trying to exert control over me like this and that's exactly what he's doing.

I explained to my son that it has nothing to do with him ...that I would make sure he has everything he needs, including glasses, but that we do not make decisions and then demand other's pay for them. He understands and he sees a lot with his own eyes, too.

Kids have to understand the world they live in and accept reality, so I definitely agree with disclosure about court and orders and everything in between. It helps remove the illusion that life is fair.

Rags's picture

manner is important for CODs IMHO.

That is part of how we protected and prepared SS to protect himself from his toxic SpermClan.

It has worked pretty well so far.  SS-30 is a man of character and standing in his profession and community and keeps himself insulated from the toxicity that his Bio-Paternal clan attempts to perpetrate in his direction.  Sadly, his three younger half sibs by two other baby mamas are the generational victims of that genetic cesspool and have not had the support to break the cycle that my SS has received from his mom and I.