You said it exactly right you are young, you will have so many chances to find love and have your own family, one you won't have to share. I would leave now before you become any more invested then you already are. Go out and find someone your own age with no children and start an adventure with someone who already hasn't been there and done that.

It's good that you're starting early to get help from the experts (people that have been there). I'm a SM with SS10 and SS15. Iv'e been married to their dad for 4 years and only met them about 9 months before we married. We had some issues with the skids not listening to me. But, that was after we married and after they became my full time responsibility. My DH and I were able to say to them "No, she's not your mother, but this is her house and so she gets to make the rules." If they are disrespectful to you, you can always pull the "I may not be your father, but I am a human and I deserve respect." At this juncture, though, I don't think you are at a point where you should be giving them rules or teaching them things without them (gf or BD or skids) asking. You should let your gf deal with them until your commitement to her has really been shown in a more long term way. You can still call him into manhood (make him "suck it up"), but you may have to weigh the way you do it. Make it playful or in a more caring manner. I had the same issue with SS10. He was way babied whenever anything happened. I was the one to say "Get over it!". At first, he resented me for it, but he has grown to know that I do really care about him.

I think if you really love her, feel like you are perfect for each other and you can't imagine your life without her- then it's worth it. I do believe you have to have an exceptional level of communication- to be open and honest always about both of your feelings- it is not an easy situation to be in but being able to talk through your problems and issues is KEY. And right after that (but equally as important) is being able to work as a team and figuring out your role as a parental figure in the kids lives and making sure you are on the same page. I would talk about all of it- now- up front so there are no surprises. How will you discipline the children? What will your time look like as a family? How will you handle the birth father? Money? Does she want more children with you? Will they be treated the same? Think about all of your concerns with being in this kind of situation and talk it all out. It will help you realize if you are on the same page and have the same expectations and goals for your future.

Again, this is not easy and I am no expert. But I do know that it is very hard to find someone that you say you have this level of connection with- if that is there- you can work through a lot of these issues as a team. It take a lot more then love to make it work. Best of luck to you!

RUN! You are way too young to strap yourself with this, it is the most difficult job in the world to raise children that are not your own. You'll find another wonderful woman and you can have your own children together and truly be a team.

OG, you're ONLY 24. I'm 50. I find that cougars are over-rated and I say that as a "cougar" myself (biodad is eight years younger than me with three unbelievably feral children under 15 due to zero parenting) The only reason I'm still with him is due to financial reasons (I bought a dump of a house that is a money pit which he agreed to fix; with my money of course. His goes almost entirely to child support)

GET OUT NOW! Today's mothers (and fathers)treat their children as BUDDIES and have no parent/child boundaries. This is extremely harmful for the children.

Although stepDAD is usually a cakewalk compared to stepMOM, please see below:

Here are some symptoms (reverse genders, please)

1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)

2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?

3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habis, eating habits, bedtime habits?

4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)

5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?

6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?

7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern

8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?

9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?

10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?

11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.

what a sad situation to be in; I really FEEL your pain here. It sucks and hurts to be in love with someone and care about one person so much; but yet you can't stand their child/ren.........We got together when we were 21 and he had a 2year old. Looking back now I see all the signs of what a horrible life I would have but chose to ignore them because I LOVED him. Sitting here 12 years later; while I still love him somewhat. I have become bitter and angry and would do anything to change my decision. Live your life; have fun; this whole SK thing is BS. Sorry to be so blunt; like I said - I'm bitter....

I don't know what to advise you-keep in mind that on this board so many are beaten down and bitter w/stuff that the most common advise will be to run. On the other hand-plenty of fish in the sea-TRUE...but what is the guarantee that you won't run into severe problems one day with that person, divorce and still be in a custodial battle w/skid issues lol.

THere IS something to say for very strong compatibility, love and good communication-which by the looks of it you have. Many people (most I dare say) that dont' have kids dont' even discuss parenting styles prior to marriage unless they already have children.

THey are young-and stepdads don't have it as bad as stepmoms it seems. I would say give the relationship some time and observe...and ALSO allow room for a parent to grow. NOBODY on this board or elsewhere is born a great parent from day one. We all learn from our mistakes and others and 'get better at it'. Every generation has their issues. Generation X Y Z ...all with their fallbacks, failures and different outcomes. We are humans, humans fail and screw up. The important thing IMO is a very strong sense of family, communication, compatibility, and a couple centered relationship (vs child centered)...but then that's somethign I've learned as years went by also.

If she is open to your ideas-and you hers and you guys can come to agreements-and if their is not a huge level of drama w/the other parent and kids I'd say you have a chance of being a wonderful parent figure and role model to the kids. Again-keep in mind not ALL stepparent situations are accurately reflected on this board-just by the nature of this board we will have more extreme situations and reactions from skids.

And Jack...I hear you and your concerns-you guys did this the right way I assume-she was already divorced, (how long if I may ask?), you guys waited to introduce the kids and overall there aren't big issues...your problem seems to be discovering the "ambiguous role" you are in? I know it's the same for my bf-he is 30 I'm 36. Overall he has no serious issues with my kids, their is mutual respect and liking, and there are no issues with their biodad or drama from my end-I was divorced 5 years b4 we got involved, we took our time, etc..but I know he struggles with his role w/them and what authority if any he has-and we BOTH discussed it at length-quite a few times-and determined for NOW his role is best kept as a role model, other parental/adult figure, and he's over the last 2 years just earned their respect, TRUST and liking and same for him...the discipline he leaves to me and will back me up when I say somethign, and times he'll ask them on his own to do something...but he does not designate time outs, yell at them (that's for me lol), or try to discipline in any more authoritative role. We do know and agree that eventually with time there will that right moment for that but it's not now.
Then again-he fully trusts my parenting decisions and really likes the kidn of parent that I am-and trusts that I'm not afraid to discipline and take ownership of the situation.

The same is NOT true for him-he has a daughter EOW with whom we have tons of issues w/her and her BM so that's for another story-BUT I wanted to reach out because your situation sounds much like my bf's...except you dont' have his bagagge LOL.

I DO know plenty of no-kid guys that have married and taken on step children and have wonderful relationships with those kids and great families, so it can happen....but it can be a lot of work...AND again-who's to say you meet another bagagge free girl and it works out great after kids-

KIDS period add stress to a relationship-hence why so many divorces occurr after kids are born. That's just nature of the beast. Anyway-just presenting another side for you since you already have plenty of 'runs' lol-and typically I do advise people w/no kids to stay w/the no kids situations--and those w/kids are better off w/someone with kids-but then we here those are screwed also-it's all subjective and a lot is dependent on YOUR (the adults) relationship and parenting roles in life-which again you get to see w/a single parent what their approach is-you dont' get to see with someone who doesn't have kids.

I apologize if I oversimplify your situation but you should def consider walking away. You're only 24.. so young! why would you settle for an older woman with 2 kids when you can meet a young woman, your age, clean slate and start a beautiful family with her where your perspective on discipline and parenting matters?? Trust me when I say that this type of family dynamics RARELY works well. Why would you want to devote yourself to a person who will ALWAYS put you second in life for kids who are not your own?

Old Ghost, you are the ONLY person who has what you need in order to make this decision. You're 24 years old. You're not "old", but you're old enough to be thinking about what you want in your life.

Different people want different things. I was 26 when I met my then 34-year old husband. We had both been married once before. He has 2 kids & I have none of my own. I wanted a family life. I wanted a man who knew what it was to be a devoted husband & father. He is that. Despite our hardships with the BM & the kids, I have not experienced regret in the choice I made to be with him.

We were together for 8 years before we got married. In those 8 years, we have been angry, frustrated, & hurt beyond belief, but our relationship is strong. I love his kids with my whole heart. The sight of them doesn't make me want to vomit, as it does many of the other steps here. Their voices don't irritate me.

My DH is a really good dad. He doesn't parent out of guilt, & I know that MANY members here have to deal with taking a back seat to their stepkids because their spouses are spineless & the kids are entitled. They don't get be a partner to their spouse. They are more-or-less a 3rd wheel...the one who ruined everything. My DH was very good, from the beginning, about respecting me as his partner & making sure his kids understood that they were expected to show me the same respect. That alone can make or break a relationship/marriage.

When we decided to get married I had a co-worker (who is 3 years into her 4th marriage) tell me that I was making a mistake. That at 33 years old I needed to find a young childless man who could take me around the world & buy the things I wanted to have. I took it with a grain of salt. What is important to me is being in a healthy respectful loving fulfilling relationship. My exH could've bought me things & taken me on trips around the world. Thing is, I couldn't stand his company long enough to enjoy it.

In order for things to be good as a family, your girlfriend has to present you as her equal. She has to be willing to parent effectively. She has to be willing to expect her children to respect you as a father-figure. You not being their bio-dad doesn't mean they don't owe you the same courtesy.

Only you know what's in your heart. You're 24 years old & have been with this woman for 6 months. One thing you have going for you is that you can give the bio-dad credit for being a nice guy, even if he doesn't discipline enough. You don't seem to feel jealous or threatened. With the kids being 3 & 6, you have quite a haul. If you can see yourself happy in a family with them for at least 15 more years, give it a little more time. If the thought repulses you now, I guarantee you, 15+ years will feel like an ETERNITY.

Steplife isn't easy, regardless of your relationship/marriage, but intact family-life isn't necessarily easy either. I can honestly say that having experienced life with my exH, my thought was, "I'd rather be in a healthy relationship with a man who appreciates, respects, & loves me unconditionally with kids than with a younger, rich, childless, selfish ass." He's the only man I ever dated who had children, but he's the only man I've ever been able to connect so completely with.

Like I said, only you know what's important to you & what you want & need in your life. I'm not trying to convince you stay, but given my experience, I'd be a hypocrite to tell you to run.

It's a tough call. It can work, but it is **very** difficult. I love my DW a lot, and put up with a lot of crap that is related to her children. She is a "friend" parent with vitually no discipline, boundaries, etc. I am a strong-willed person, and can usually push through stuff, but it is a constant struggle. Unless you are 100% sure that this is the woman for you (as I was), you should hit the road. Being a step-father is a shitty, miserable job, and it will never get any better. I LIVE for the day that SD17 is out of the house. I resent her tremnedously, but my love for my DW is enough to put up with SD.

Also, if I had the chance to do it again, I would still be with DW. However, I would handle her children MUCH differently. I would never have tried to get close to them - I would just have avoided them and stayed in the background when they were around. No matter how hard you try, you are "just" a step-parent, and that doesn't mean shit to your SO's kids.