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Should I be mad at all!!!

sisterwife722's picture

This as you know is Mother's Day and I was hoping to spend it with bs8, well now it seems that I am also spending it with ss5. The problem lies in that ss5 BM is of the mindset that she should still be included in all FDH family functions and always is. Every holiday and even non holiday events, if all the family is there so is she. She acts like it's soooo important that ss5 has both his parents around at the same time at the holidays so they still seem like a family to him and so she doesn't have to miss out. Well if the holidays are so important then why is she pawning her son off on us the one day of the year that should be about her, That she should legitimately want to spend with her kid. Maybe I wouldn't be so upset about this but this topic has been a major fighting point for FDH and myself, I don't think she needs to be there and he agrees but is powerless to stop his family from inviting her to everything.

Orange County Ca's picture

He may be powerless if the people doing the inviting agree with his ex. I wonder what BM is doing today?

Anyway SM doesn't need to spend the day with the SS. If she wants to leave she can leaving Dad to watch his kid. I assume Dad is around as if he isn't the SM should not be babysitting.

All things considered SM should just make the best of it and accept her lot as 2nd fiddle when it comes to step kids. Or go off on her own to visit her Mom or girlfriend. It'll be getting worse as the kids age.

sisterwife722's picture

FDH has told his sm, who does the inviting to these functions that he would rather she(BM) not be there because it causes too much trouble but FDH sm doesn't want to be put in the middle of our drama and unless she specifically sees BM doing something disrespectful then she is going to keep inviting her. FDH is here today it's really not so much that ss5 is here, it's more the fact that BM makes such a big deal out of spending the holidays with him and now the one holiday that is about her, she drops him off with us to go do whatever, yet at Thanksgiving, or fourth of July Family cookouts, it's soo important that she be there with him.

caregiver1127's picture

If I were you all I would stop attending any family events until BM has stopped being invited. It only confuses the 5 year old and gives him hope that Mommy and Daddy will get back together. Stop going to any thing that the family has and I am surprised that FDH's SM would treat you like this!!

sterlingsilver's picture

Wow, I can't believe you still go to these functions. I sure wouldn't go and maybe if you stop going, FDH will stop. THEN if I were you, I'd start making my own family functions! Thrwo big fourth of July parties at your house and have your own turkey for TG. Go ahead and cook the turk and if FDH goes over there this year, invite your own family over. HE will soon see the light and (excuse my french) screw the bm and his sm, you are making your own family traditions with or without your ss!

Orange County Ca's picture

sisterwife you've got reservations about this even being a problem. I know that by how to phrased your question.

There are plenty of people on this site who are willing to start WWIII at the slightest provacation especially if its you that has to go or stay at war.

Like the U.S. Marine considering charging a machine gun nest "Is this really the hill I want to lose my life over", you need to think over carefully your reasoning.

First she apparently isn't bothering you or yours except by existing. So let her exist. Hell its a good opportunity to release a dove or two and extend your hand in partnership.

Second you're fighting the whole clan. Take the upper road. Ignore her if you must (politely of course) and you may find she's growing tired of the game (note her actions today) and if you're no longer moved by her actions she may retire from the field altogether.

Go to your Husband "Ya know I've been making way too much of this - lets just forget it ever happened and make the best of it".

At the risk of repeating myself this is a opportunity to make a very valuable friend or at least a neutral. Don't waste it reacting to her petty demands that she be a part of her own sons life.