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Happy Second Fiddle Mother's Day to Me

Auberry2's picture

I have never liked mother's day a whole lot. My mother and I have a delicate relationship. I spent more time caring for her while I was growing up then she did me, due to mental illness, and try as I might I still find it very difficult to celebrate her on mother's day. The nights I went hungry, every time I went to school and got bullied for wearing stained, dirty clothes, you name it, the memories come up and I just want to hide.

I am a mother. My bio son is eight years old this year. I love to see the little things he makes me at school and daycare, and he gets so excited when he gives them to me and shouts "Happy Mother's Day!" This, right here is the only joy I have in Mother's Day.

This is my first year as a stepmom and I am getting to feel what it is like to be the second fiddle mom on Mother's Day. It sucks. It makes me feel like that kid who was stuck taking care of her mom all over again. I was the one doing the work, but someone else was getting the credit. It is the same with being a stepmom. SS5 is with us full time, he goes to his mother's EOWE. I am his main caretaker, but that's it.

My entire mother's day weekend has been a bust. All FDH has been able to talk about since SS5 got picked up on Friday is SS5. He has been grumpy and moody, and just no fun. Now, it is mother's day morning and where is he? Driving an hour to pick SS5 from his BM because his BM is sick of dealing with him ad wants SS5 gone. My son is at my grandmother's house. She hasn't seen him in a while and she begged for him to spend the night, and feeling bad for her and thinking FDH and I would get to spend some quality time together Saturday I let him go. Ha, silly me. What an idiot idea that was. So now I get to spend my Mother's Day morning alone instead of watching cartoons and eating breakfast with my son and I get to go see my mother and give her a gift and buy lunch like I am really happy about it. La. This is a stupid post, but I needed to get it out of my system....

Comments

arjuna79's picture

{{{auberry2}}} it's not a stupid post. It's real. When we've had absent/ailing "mothers" - we were already second fiddle with inappropriate responsibilities. The SM situation is just like the other slice of bread with us sandwiched in the middle. BUT - you have your bs laughing to celebrate with you - and there is the golden nugget of this day, and every day we are mothering. That is what we hold, us Fierce Warrior Luscious Mamma Bears. Breathe with that.

At almost 55, this is the first year ever of peaceful mothers day for me. Finally, 3 yrs after my "mother's" passing, is relief from those decades of trauma and abuse. Finally, my bd at 24 is living her joy, "street-smart and soul-smart." Finally, there is an appropriate space for my 5 adult skids and my dh who honors that. Finally, there is space for me, how I worked so hard to hold a better space for my bd than anything that was held for me. Now, a day to exhale and nod my head. good job.

Good job, A2. know you are doing a wonderful job for your son, and for yourself.

Rhyleighblue's picture

Auberry,

Your childhood was as bad as my own. I have walked those dark lonely streets at your side. Every year I struggle to find the shortest and least hypocritical Mothers Day card for my Mom. And, to make it worse, her Birthday is this month, too.

But, unlike you, I have no loving children of my own. Nobody wishes me a happy Mothers Day.

((hug))

But we are strong, Auberry.