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the writings on the walls... are starting to concern me

SisterNeko's picture

but like so many SM's i can't do anything to stop it, so I am just waiting for the floods to come. I have seen and heard things that make me sick and/or pissed off, but I can't saying anything because people just chalk it up to me not liking BM or I am out for revenge, sometimes even PMS. Smile I know that I can't change or 'fix' BM and I am not the only SM on here that thinks their BM might be crazy. But here is what I am currently seeing 'written on the walls'...

FDH and I have given up on trying to prove to BM that SS5 isn't as 'sick' (he has high functioning autism) as she thinks he is. Just the other day BM called FDH to see if he was going to the school picnic today, of course FDH wasn't going to take off work something like that. So BM asked - or rather told - him that there was no way that SS5 would get on the bus to come to our house after spending all day with her, she said it's hard for her to get away sometimes when she is at the school at the end of the day, so she would just take SS5 home with her and FDH could come her him after work. He tried to tell her that SS5 loves to ride the bus and it will be fine, she insisted that he would not and added that she wanted to spend some time alone with SS5. FDH gave in because it's like talking to a wall.

I personally think SS5 would have gotten on the bus and I don't think it's SS5 any more that has an issue leaving BM... BM is obsessed with SS5 and making people think that he only wants her and that he can't do anything with out her (he can't do anything WITH her). As for the thing at the school I say let her do it at some point SS5 will have enough and tell her off in front of the teachers.

Why it's starting to concern me...

Like I said we have given up on trying to convince BM so in the past year we have taken to not so much convincing the docs and teachers, but telling them what we see, experience, ect, and providing proof that what BM says isn't 100% true. We have had great success. But it seems like the more people say the ss5 will no longer need help and the more they say SS5 CAN do/has improved the more BM clings to him and tries to disprove - but lately she has been failing.

She has these things that she does - I can't even explain it well - but she has a way of upsetting SS5 to make it appear that he wants to be with her or can't be in public sop they have to go home (we have NEVER had to leave because SS5 was throwing a fit, SS7 says BM has). It used to just be her pouting or making a sad face but that no longer appears to work as well. Her favorite 'game' to play was to drop SS5 off at our house screaming and not wanting to get out of the car - but she forgets that SS7 can talk. He told us that BM drives by the park or his fav place and doesn't let him out or I saw her give him something and then take it away as soon as they got close, anything to upset him. But lately SS5 can't get out of the car fast enough when he sees us, BM has to chase after him for a hug good-bye.

the reason I think, BM smothered him for so long and now we are letting him do things and he likes it. BM doesn't let him out of her reach and he can't do anything with out her or that is dangerous. I worry about what she will do once he really starts talking and telling her how he feels/what he wants? A few months ago SS5 was sick and she fought FDH tooth and nail to let SS% stay with her an extra night because he was sick, only to call the next day because he was better and she didn't want him any more.

Also her obsession with SS5 is affecting her relationship with SS7, as in she doesn't want him. He is her perfect child - we think he may have a sleep issue but she refuses to test him. While she smothers SS5 she ignores SS7. Like with the school thing, it would have been just as easy for her to pick up SS7 and tak him but she said she wanted time alone with SS5. She has NEVER asked for time alone with SS7. Last night she called SS5 to tell him happy birthday and hung up when SS5 was done - didn't even talk to SS7 (she also called on SS7's b-day but talked to SS5) The only plus side is SS7 is a little clueless yet, he didn't ask or notice that SS% talked to someone on the phone last night (even though he was sitting nearby) and he hasn't noticed that SS5 isn't here today. But I fear some day he will wake up and realize what is going on. No kids should have to deal with being the 3rd wheel with his mom and brother.

Why do I care? SS7 will be crushed some day and yeah I will be there to give him a hug. And God only knows what BM will do to SS5.