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Sense of Entitlement......

VAStepMom's picture

Why is it that some kids now a days have this huge sense of entitlement:

This is our TEEN Daughter's NEEDS: (SD17.... and she has been like this since she was 13 years old.)

Cell Phones - Latest model, unlimited everything... constant upgrades
IPODs - Largest storage capacity
CARS - Nice, shiny and new... no old models for them!
Insurance - Car insurance..cell phone insurance.... all paid for by BF!!!
Lap Tops - Fastest, latest and greatest, with designer carry bag.
Hair - Expensive hair do's - highlights... monthly
Nails - Mani Pedi... this is a social event for teen girls
Tanning - Gotta be tan. More important than Mani/ Pedi
Designer Clothes - Abercrombie, etc.... Labels count. Tells people how cool you are
Designer Bags - Grandma buys these for the girls.... gotta have some kind of designer bag...
Designer shoes - Coach.... at 16 years old? Are you kidding me? Uggs..... don't even go there.... she has 2 pair!
Make up - that fancy stuff from Sphedora... or Sephora... whatever... Miracle stuff....
Flat screen - Gotta have one in the bedroom
DVD player - yep one of those too... HD version.
Designer Bedding - Bedroom done up like Better Homes and Gardens, but it will be a disaster with clothes and stuff everywhere all the time!
Designer Bra's - Victorias Secret.... oh and undies too!
Spending $$$$ - whatever Pops will hand out. I want to point out.... that this example is for a SD17 who's mother has 4 children, lives in a condo paid for by her parents, drives a beat up car, constantly gets her internet and cell phone shut off.... drives without car insurance half the time, and has to ask BF for money for ANYTHING BD17 needs.... because she is BROKE.

The same Grandparents that pay for the condo, started this with SD17... buying her whatever she desired.... designer stuff. Now... SD is a material girl.... and can't hardly fathom having to wear non designer stuff..... its terrible. Her BM doesn't have a dime... and they live poorly... but she goes to school like DESIGNER QUEEN.

Drives me up the wall. Comments?

mashpeebonusmom's picture

It seems like the grandparents did their graddaughter a disservice by spoiling her and now you are paying for it. Does the 17 year old have a job? When i was growing up i had everything i needed or wanted but I also had a job at 17 to buy a car. my SD is only 11 and i can only imagine how its going to go she already has had multiple black berry's with internet packages etc. Good luck, I seem to be going down that road in a few years.

mashpeebonusmom's picture

seems like you have been putting up with this for years now. So what is one more year till she is off to college or whatever she chooses. If hubby isnt willing to change it, it seems like a losing battle. I hate to say kids arnt forth the fight but sometimes being the step you are stuck.

wriggsy's picture

My SDstb14 is the same way. Entitlement issues galore! Favorite Aunt used to pick her up from school and take her shopping (at one point last year; almost every week). This happened because SD would tell F.A. how horrible her life is. SD was constantly complaining about being mistreated by either myself or AM, so F.A. would take her for some retail therapy. I have never seen so many clothes for one person. Something like 20 pairs of jeans, I don't know how many shirts, belts and shoes all over the place. Accessories that cover the top of her desk. Coach purses waiting to be used. The kicker? A lot of the clothes still have tags on them. I tried many times to talk to F.A. about spoiling SD, but that made me look like I was jealous because F.A. wasn't doing it for my daughter, too. Whatever.

DH finally told her to stop when FA called one day to complain about something I had done (again). DH told FA that SD is failing school, has a horrible attitude and is lying to her about how wriggsy treats her-so SD does not deserve all these nice things she is getting. FA has since taken a step back and is seeing how SD behaves..all the lies and now, rarely asks to spend time with SD. Just last week, FA picked up SD and SS from school (school released early and my daughter went to a friends). Both kids were failing multiple classes and FA knew about it. Both kids wanted to go to the mall and both kids asked for multiple things (one of the things SD asked for was a $94 pair of jeans). FA just laughed and told them that she will not reward them with nice gifts when their grades were so bad. FA said they were both just completely shocked! It was great! And it's wonderful to finally have some outside help when working on the bad attitudes!!

VAStepMom's picture

Hahaha... yes.. my SD17 will tell her family she has NO CLOTHES... When she has a closet stuffed full of them.... just not things she wants to wear this month!!! And... right after I bought her 4 pr of new jeans in August for school in Sept.... she told Gma that she had NO JEANS... I corrected her.... she had 4 new pairs... and she said... well..... oh yeah... I forgot..... lol

wriggsy's picture

Isn't it ridiculous?! SD used to tell FA that if she took anything to AM's...AM would take it and start wearing it, so she (SD) never had anything to wear. DH used to get phone calls from FA asking why SD didn't have jeans, belts, etc (part of their school uniform) and he would have to explain that SD did have all these things...she just thinks she needs more.

What I find amazing (well...maybe not that amazing really) is that she has so many clothes...she can't keep up with what she has. If it's out of sight..she will literally forget she has a specific clothing item. I will throw away all things I think are inappropriate (usually something AM has purchased for herself that SD brings home to wear, but sometimes, FA will get her something completely unreal, too!) and SD does not even miss most of the items I throw away. This past summer, she came home from vacation with AM with all these short little dresses...I think like 5 or 6. One by one, they went into the trash. I have only heard her ask her dad about one specific one, and I don't even tell DH that I do it, either!! Plausible deniability.

pastepmomof3's picture

We're dealing with most of this right now with SD15. It's a hard thing to sit and watch but nothing you can do about it. My saving grace in all of it is when the child support stops coming in and SD has to get her own things because BM can't afford it and DH refuses to buy her anything, maybe she'll realize her ways. Maybe. Maybe not. As long as there is an enabler, not much anyone can do.

VAStepMom's picture

My SD17 received almost $500 in gift cards for Christmas.... then came to DH and I and asked for NEW CLOTHES. We told her to use her gift cards. She said NO. Those are for things you will NOT buy me..... that I want..... I said....LIKE THE CLOTHES YOU WANT TODAY? Use your cards, or get nothing. We just spent a fortune on Christmas gifts.

That was that. She decided on that particular day, she didn't need anything new.


VAStepMom's picture

Exactly! My SD17 will not throw out anything out of her closet. I told her, purge, or get nothing new, period! She has more clothes than I do. She gets new clothes 5x faster than I do.... I told my DH... I make good money.... I don't even buy myself this many clothes, and there is NO WAY I am spending money right and left for New Clothes every 2 months for her. Period.

You should have seen her face when I got a new pair of boots I have wanted for over 2 years. I bought them on EBAY for $29.99. hahahaha When she saw them she was like.... nice..... where did you get those? How much were they? I said... funny you should ask....They are LEATHER.... and I bought them for $29.99 on EBAY!!!

She was like.... nice for you!

I said... Yes... I was so happy to get the bargain. DH said... wow Honey... good job on the bargain... I must admit... that is a good deal.

Next day... SD asked for a new cell phone. We said no. She stomped out of the room.... whispering under her breath. I know...she was pssd because I bought the new boots. Whatever.

purpledaisies's picture

WOW! i did buy my kids a car for their 16th bdays however my dd got this attitude about how nasty and old the car was (nothing wrong with the car it was just a boat but it ran and drove great very safe) said she wouldn't be caught dead driving it. Where she got that attitude I don;t know, however mommy dearest didn't like the attitude so I took the car and sold it and told her to get her own car an she got NOTHING for her bday!

I do think it has a lot to do with the trend in the way most parents parent today. Not saying anyone here does but as a whole the USA does have that trend. I just don't buy into that trend! DD did slip the other day about how stupid she was for doing that with the car. LOL

My dd asked for ALL those things she mentioned in your OP however I told her to get a job and buy it herself! While I have the money to do those things I refuse to take the accomplishment feeling away from her, she has to earn it. I also want them to know what it feels like to work hard and save for something you want.

purpledaisies's picture

I would like to tell a little secret I keep and pass to my kids. I shop thrift stores a lot! I will not buy unless they like new or have tags and they have to be in style so my kids will wear them. I also have gotten some very nice designer bags and jeans and things for myself that I paid very little for. I didn't get my first designer bag till about 4 years ago and it was a used coach that my dh got for $30!!! It is real I do my research that is key research how an item is made and the labels before you buy used. I have a very good eye for these things. I also resale items on ebay. This is the only way I have been able to get the things that I like to wear. HOWEVER my dd doesn;t not have a designer bag or anything like that. I think that is stupid and if she wants one she can buy it herself.

VAStepMom's picture

Yes! Purpledaisies! Excellent post! I see value in ALL THAT! I was 40 years old before I bought my first designer bag. I waited until it went on sale... I labored over that purchase ($70)... for hours.. .then almost took it back to the store. I decided I work hard, I deserve it and I kept it. It was my main purse for 6 years and I am still using it!!! I think I got my money's worth!

My DD's and I are experts at buying at Thrift stores, Ross.... any place we can get a bargain... and frankly.... we dress very nice!

My SD is in for a rude awakening. She will be 18 next summer.... and well... the buck will stop.... Her Gma may continue to buy her things... but... we will NOT give in to her "designer dud" fascination.

I Finally told my SD when she lived with us. You will get a $50 allowance every first of the month. You will buy any hair products, mani / pedi's, movies, make up.... you want... but once that money is gone... that's it period. She was thrilled.... but quickly figured out it didn't go far.

We buy her shampoo etc... just not excess things like hairdo gel, cream, constant changing makeup tastes, etc...

We basically put a halt to her constant needing of new makeup etc... I laugh when she says.. I need to go tanning.... haha I say... "What?... that's ridiculous. No one NEEDS to go tanning!" She says... "I DO!"... I said.., "well sweetie, you need to get a job for all this stuff you NEED."

I also told her, you will NOT get a new car, until you can pay your own insurance. Period. So better get a job. She said.. I don't want a job. Its my senior year... I want to have fun!

I said OK. That's fine. No new car, then. She got mad and stomped off.

DH is supportive in this... so all is good. I'm waiting for BM to call and start demanding a new car for my SD17..... that will be fun!

purpledaisies's picture

See that is where I'm mean, I refuse to give my kids an allowance. }:) I know but if they want something I will tell them they have to earn it, I will tell them what needs to be done at the house or clean out the cars or something like that and tell them how much I'm willing to pay. IO figure they have to know what it feels like in the real world and any time we want something we have to work for the money to get it and no one just hands us $50 to buy whatever you want. This is how I see it anyway.

wriggsy's picture

I tend to spoil my daughter, I guess. However, it's an "earned" spoil. We used to pay for good grades, but last year, I started telling DDstb14 that she could forego the regular 6 week payout and opt for an end of year "bigger" payout (actually just an accumulation of what she has earned all year) and if the grades call for a little extra...I would be happy to give the extra. Last year, she made all A's almost all year (throw in 2 or maybe 3 B's, I believe) She got a really good imitation Ed Hardy purse for her efforts. Heck...the imitation was still almost $80!!! But, I think she earned it.

She will also be getting my car when she turns 16, but she is also slated to start her first job next summer and will be using her own money for whatever extras she wants. She is somewhat of a tomboy, so I'm lucky because she is completely happy in her Levi's and Converse tennis shoes. Her biggest expense right now is that I make sure she stays stocked in her Clinique acne control. She has my acne prone skin, so I make sure she can keep it under control. I also recently started letting her get her hair highlighted.'s understood that it's earned. Her next round will be courtesy of the 5 A's and 2 B's on her report card...

A few years ago, she really wanted an iPod (this was before the Touch). She was only in the 4th grade and I didn't think a child that age needed something that expensive. So, I told her that if she could earn the money, I would let her have one. She took 6 months of doing lots of extra chores, helping clean at daycare, saving all her birthday money, good grades and good behavior, but she earned it all. I upgraded her to a Touch for her birthday this year since she took such good care of her original iPod and she took great joy in handing down the iPod to her younger cousin. (and cousin was over the moon about it, too!)

VAStepMom's picture

Wriggsy.... see? That's the way it SHOULD be. I came up with the $50 allowance to prevent the skid from pocketing $200 a month in odds and ends and socializing... it was actually a good deal for us... because it let DH off the hook so he didn't have to feel like he needed to give her any cash anymore.... (my sneaky means to an end.)

But, yes I agree. They should EARN it and then they will care for it better, and they will understand its value!