So I'm traveling next week to my ds' high school graduation. I'm beside myself with GLEEEEEE to see him as it's been a few months since we've spent time in person.

I'd like to first say that I've been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, I see a therapist and take meds. Currently I'm not sure these are the right meds for me, I'm seeing a psychiatrist for a med eval next month.

Okay so the anxiety comes in with my parents. They are AWFUL with money and have, (I know this is gonna sound super harsh, just stay with me here); sf was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver because of his Hep C Status, (blood transfusion in the 80's after a skiing accident). Back to what I was saying, my parents have started a GoFundMe page to help with the med expenses, which is fine. The problem is that they have used more than half the money for stupid shit like going to restaurants, they both go get pedis weekly, constant shopping...etc. This is a pattern with them. I'd have to pay the light bill because she found shit on sale at the Gap, things like that. Additionally, if they just moved to a smaller place, (they rent, not own), they would have even more money to put towards regular life expenses as well as doctor stuff. They aren't willing to budge on any of it. They insist that the lord will provide, meanwhile they continue to accept money from their church and gofundme; I happen to find it fraudulent but that's beside my point.

So when my dad was diagnosed last year, I was living with them and paying $400.00 a month in rent, (my daughter and I were only able to use the one small bedroom because sf "needed his office"...he really didn't), and half the water and electricity and I paid for the internet. I made $12.50 an hour, so all that stuff on top of my car, my phone, food, car insurance, driving to Tampa once a month to see my son, things for my daughter, etc...things were pretty tight. My mother came to me and said that since my dad could no longer work she needed me to pay $650.00 a month in rent and everything else the same. I told her there just wasn't any way that I could do that. She looked me straight in the face and said, "Well then you're going to need to move out. Your sister and (her husband), are going to move in because they can afford to help me. I can't be worried about where you and (my daughter) are living and if you can't pay you can't stay".

I had nowhere to go, no one to stay with...my daughter was 8 at the time and although her dad and I do get along, there was no way I was going to just shack up with random co-workers or even friends, like anyone else, my daughter deserves security and safety so I made the decision to move here with my husband, (we eloped in 2014, but were still long distance because of child custody issues), and gave cp to my ex. Then a week before my husband came to get me, my mother told me I needed to move my stuff ASAP because my sister was on a time crunch for her lease. So I packed my stuff up, hauled it to a friends place nearby, then packed up again a few days later and left.

It's important to me that anyone reading this understands that although my relationship with my mom has always been difficult, it's not due to anything like addiction or stealing or anything like that. She had a rough upbringing, my bf beat on her when my sister and I were little, my mom constantly talked shit about bf to us after she left and when I did something she didn't like or if I lost my temper, she would tell me how much like, "my jerk-of-a-father" I was/am.

I don't want to see them at all. I know I have to because of the graduation, I'm just so angry. It's like when I was little and I knew a fight was starting, I knew to grab a diaper bag and my sister and run out to the car or to the neighbors and hide or get help. The first instance I remember is when I was six or so. My parents and my sister are super religious and I'm not. My parents blamed me for divorcing my daughter's father, (that's an entire other post); its like my mother pictures herself as this grand matriarch of our family, but put little to no work in to have real relationships with my sister and I. She's so petty and money centered and only ever talks about whether I've lost or gained weight and it just goes on and on; when dh would send me money to get clothes for my daughter and I, I'd have to hide it so my mother wasn't berating me for spending money that I should be giving to her. I don't want to spend ANY time with her outside of the graduation and the dinner. I want to focus on seeing my son and being there for him and stop letting the looming eventuality of seeing my parents dominate my thoughts.

Any questions welcome. Thanks for reading.