resentment is boiling
Need some advice or guidance. I am sure you have all seen my posts before regard SD10 and my DH. SD10 has not been back yet, BM and DH are not speaking since the blow up 3 weeks ago.
My problem is that I am fixated on what happened (BM accusing me of sexually hurting SD, BM making fun of me getting raped when i was 4 years old, SD stealing my old phone and giving it to BM to use. SD causing a scene at my house and gossiping about me to BM as if I am endangering her by having 3 glasses of wine in my own house). Everything has caused major anxiety, I told my husband this evening that if she comes back he needs to tell her to respect me as the woman of my house and as her StepMom but in my heart I do not want her to come back. I have given so much to her over the last 6 years that thinking of her and her mom actually now disgusts me, I do not want her to be near my 3 YO as she lies to her mother and says I favour my daughter (this is a lie as i discipline my 3 YO infront of her all the time and make sure she receives name brands whereas my daughter wears loads of cheap clothing, DH even tries to ignore DD3 when SD is here to not make her feel uncomfortable. I also contributed towards a wooden dresser for SD10 even though my DD3 has her clothing in a plastic container in our room).
DH says he will fetch her in December, I have now indicated that he will need to take leave to look after SD10 as I will not be taking extended leave in December and refused to look after SD10. I have lost all trust and feelings towards SD10 after her actions over the last few months. BM is now blocked on my phone as well, I do not engage with her at all. DH is a good man but I feel guilty for no longer wanting SD10 around.
I bought her new brranded sneakers and a branded jacket for her birthday in October but I now regret it and refuse to buy her anything anymore. Is this normal? Why have I lost all emotions towards SD10? I am builing up so much toxic resentment and anger towards her and BM. I even considered leaving my husband because I cannot imagine her benefiting from me or him anymore (he previously wanted us to buy her a car when she turns 18, wanted to pay for her university fees etc and I no longer want to because she has no respect for me.) DH loves me very much and recently has been treating DD3 and I very well. Am I being ungrateful? how do I move passed this?