Things really blew up
I need advice and perspective. So 2 weeks ago my SD came for visitation for the first time since March. I forced my husband to fetch her.
My husband is seriously afraid of the virus and makes us follow very strict procedures during quarantine (such as washing all fruits and vegetables, washing all floors when he comes home, I cannot go to the store for groceries, change my shoes before we come in the house, when we go out for a drive I must shower as soon as we get home, heating clothing, heating take out in the microwave, he refuses to kiss me as he works at the office everyday while i work from home, he wears a mask some days as well.) I am higher risk due to respiratory issues and he told me that he cannot face losing me so he is being extra cautious, he is the same with everyone who comes over (we only had 3 people over since March).
SD came over, he made her wash again and heated her clothing. He also told her that both him and SD will be wearing masks the weekend to protect me. SD is 10. She seemed fine the weekend. He relaxed the mask wearing in the house a bit and allowed her to not wear it while watching tv as long as she was 2m away. So the first day she was over was fine. She has her own room in our house, she chose to sleep on the couch so she could watch tv. On saturday we woke up and took the children out to a dam nearby. We believe in fresh air and family activities. Things were perfect we had dinner at home. My husband didnt feel well and went to bed. I sat up with both girls for about 2 hours until my LG got very tired and needed to sleep, I told SD that she can sleep on the couch if she would like to continue to watch series or she can sleep in her room. She then started to tell me that she needed to call BM. I asked her why and she said she needs to talk to her. I was veeu confused. I told her to speak to her father, he was sleeping and told her it is 11pm at night and BM would be sleeping ans she needs to talk to me. She then told me that she cannot sleep alone, he mom holds her tummy at night. I offer for her to sleep with us (DD and I) since we have a king size bed. She says she needs her dad to sleep in the living room with her. He does this. We sleep. I thought it was all good.
Sunday, hubby and I BBQ and have 3 glasses of wine in the kitchen while SD and DD are watching cartoons. Food is ready and I take a full plate to her, she is in her room alone. I find her demeanour strange but tell DH and we decide to eat. She stays in the room for 1.5hours. DH then goes to talk to her and she says she wont come out of the room until she goes home. DH tells me to get ready to drop her with her mom and we leave. She does not say goodbye.
3 days later DH gets long messages about how we treated SD like a dog and like she has coronavirus. Tells DH that I am jealous of her daughter because why isnt my daughter aged 3 wearing a mask in the house. I was so upset by all the vile messages that i confronted BM myself. I text her a very rude message and block her. She proceeds to make the entire thing about me and states she does not want SD around me anymore. She made accusations that since i was raped as a child (i was 4) that I am hurting SD because why is she masturbating only at our house. I am resenting all of this. I hate this situation and I cannot believe these accusations. Husband has said he will not fetch SD anymore as it seems she has come over to spy on us for her mother.
I feel hurt and I have started to resent SD for all this unneccesary trouble. I do not understand how she can do this to us after all the years I have spent building the relationship and buying her everything she needed. This event has made me sick.
What should I do. She has said she will not let her come over, husband said that is fine but I feel guilty about it. I am not a bad person. Feels like BM wants DH back and is using SD to get him back. He has indicated he will never leave me as he loves me too much but i feel resentment towards BM and SD.