When I moved in with BF-his kids were very disrespectful to me--it pissed me off. I think part of the problem was that me and my kids moved into their house. Their house-Their rules. But I put my foot down and demanded respect from his kids the same as I do mine.

I treated them all the same. If they argued--time out. Screamed/yelled in my face--time out. Tantrum to get their way--I don't think so--they didn't get what ever they were screaming about and they sat a long spell in time out until they were no longer screaming.

Do you not share in the discipline of the children? Does your Husband handle it all?
It's not wrong for you to want respect from your skids. In fact it no different the wanting respect from other people in general. You deserve it and should get it. However in your case it sounds like your SD is taking lesson's from her dad on the respect issue. If he undermines you in front of kids and disrespects you then they will do the same.

My BF use to constantly undermind me with the kids. I finally had to pull him aside and just tell him the truth of the matter. It hurts when the people you care about are disrespectful--but kids often learn what they live--so dad needs to respect you as well.

Hope that helped some
Alisha

Let him know that *your* problem (as he puts it) is HIS problem as well. Counseling will really, really help! Sounds like SD could use a dose of it too.
I'm not exactly how to get a man to go to see a counselor if he just flat out wont go. My man had no issue talking with someone, as he wanted some answers/direction too. Although I must tell you, after a while he questioned the point of going after several months. Overall, it really changed things for the better - everone included! It seems like going to counseling really rocks the boat. Getting everything out on the table hurts sometimes. We have to face things we don't like. That's probably why your husband isn't interrested in sharing his failures with at total stranger - plus he's worried everything will be all his fault!
Assure him that it's not all his fault, you all are in this together!
It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help.

good luck!

~C

You need to get some tips from Candice and the rest of us old-fashioned moms who still believe in washing a kid's mouth out with soap and swatting them on the butt once in awhile. Sounds like their dad needs a good old-fashioned ass-whooping, too.

~ Anne ~

I'm in agreement with Anne. I discipline, and even though it's a different kind with the skids, they still get some form of it when they backtalk. I have two skids who disrespect, however they don't dare do it if their dad (my hubby) is around! We are on the same page and are a team. WE have to be the same team in order to have a healthy, growing, loving, nourished, and happy marriage.

Please consider some marriage counseling for you two. I truly beleive that this will get worse unless you both are on the same page.

Well I agree with Anne too..
First of all, you tried to leave once and he said oh it will change and it hasn't. Secondly he told you this is YOUR problem, well when I was in counseling before my divorce my husband always told me we were fine that WE had no problems it was all me.. Couselor said to him that in a relationship if ONE of us had a problem then it was a WE problem. So his kids get to treat you like garbage?
Could you make it on your own?
Only asking because if you want him to see that you mean business you need to tell him you love him but that you can not take the stress in the home anymore.
He doesn't want you to leave but he is not doing anything to help prevent that from happening. So he thinks you are bluffing. Make him see that you are not bluffing this time.
You are an adult and in my eyes you have earned there respect. Do you cook,clean and make dinners, go grocery shopping.
Well if he wants to run his own house.. Let him. Make you and your son dinner, basically take care of your household. Which he pretty much made it clear is you and yours and him and his. Be a BITCH. You should not have to put up with that crap.
So she has some heart issues.. You are not making her run a marathon. And to be quite honest with you um when he is gone someday and she still has this attitude of I am going to do whatever to get my way there are some cases where that just does not happen. She needs her ass smacked and taught the lesson of I am done putting up with your mouth.
Or I would try the silent treatment.. of her. DO not talk to her. DO not do anything for her.. And when your husband gets angry with you tell him oh its your problem get over it..
Fight fire with fire on this..
It is his job to stand up for you to his kids.. And until he does you will still feel the same and in all reality of this you could get really resentful and loose respect for him as a whole, which then could end your marriage.. I am putting it probably a little to bluntly sorry its my mood today.
I wish you peace and serenity for the weekend..
Happy

up and coming for you. Or it will be hard.

Your husband has to understand that sd has to respect you for your role in the household.

If not - disengage. She will get tired of being ignored.