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Evil Stepson !

Julie30's picture

I am new to this site and thought I would just VENT...

BF and I have been together for 4 years and we have a son who is 8 1/2 months old.

We both have children from previous relationships. I have an 11-year old son. He has a daughter 20 and pregnant that lives up North from his previous marriage, and a son age 14 and daughter age 10 from his previous relationship.

Now here is my problem. BF's 14 year old son is my NIGHTMARE. Ever since he was 10 and we first started dating he has been ODD...

Examples: Age 10 threw bullets all over a play-yard for babies at the local park, mixed several chemicals in my home and left them laying around, he has stolen just about every item I own, he constantly steals my son's wallets, knives & any hunting gear or video games. I have found him taking showers that last up to 1 hour and when I walk in to find out what was going on - I find a sink full of bleach and any other spray or chemical he could mix this was as of last year. He has a violent temper and constantly beats up his sister and has hit my son pretty hard.

I found a journal in his book-bag a year and a half ago, detailing in pictures and in words his intentions to blow up his school and how to make the bombs "directions, the whole bit" it freaked me out. His sister saw the journal also and we called the BIO-MOM and she told me she would handle it as would BF! She didn't want me to get in trouble for going through his belongings and being a SNITCH! How thoughtful huh?

Also I found another journal that referred to all girls at his school as sluts and whores, how he hated the preps and jocks and wish they would all disappear. I can't remember the exact words but he obviously was having some bad feelings, as he is a MISFIT! His mom buys him clothes with Heavy Metal Band logo's on it/showing skulls and also buys those stupid shirts with sayings "example a Glow in the Dark - I see DUMB people Bart Simpson shirt. At age 14 it makes him look stupid and out of place. They all insult people's intelligence! And this offend me.

I told his mom I don't like him wearing shirts that call people STUPID, as she got pissed off when my son called her daughter STUPID once. She asked me what my problem was, it was a joke, meant to be funny! I told her that was great if she wanted him to be a walking billboard of jokes, however at my house I would like him to dress as if he was at school. Nice shirt and pants without insults. I don't mind the trendy logo's but no Walmart crap. I even offered to buy some decent clothes to which they all declined.

I also found all of my stolen belongings in his bookbag and upon his mom finding out she bought a pad lock for his bookbag. I called her and asked if she was insane. She said that her kids need to have something that belongs to them when they come to our house. Same as my son has his own room, etc. I told her I would break that lock off and send the bag back to her shredded if she didn't stop her crap! So, I told her all of the thing's that he had stolen and she was surprised! So, she corrected the problem but BF blamed me for being difficult. Even threatened to move out if I couldn't accept his son.

So, about a month ago BF wakes me up at 5am to tell me that I was right all along about his son, he is not the young man he thought he was, he has problems. His ex and him are having him drug tested and put in counceling - blah, blah, blah.... His ex wants to tell me for herself how wrong she was, this of course is all being said in PREP for the BIG BOMB... His son now has to live with us for two weeks while on suspension, so he can work with his dad at night and repay the damage he did at the school during his fight. Also pay for his mom's missed work time, his broken glasses that I saw him wearing - but this is what BF said. So, I was against it and BF got all HUFFY! Blaming me! So I gave in, and I agreed that the little "BLEEP" could stay with us IF he was getting drug tested and going to a therapist. So, two weeks pass - no drug test and no counceling since his mom "I am assuming didn't have time for it".. So, I plan a romantic get away to get away from the insanity - just Him, Our Baby, My Son and Self a weekend at SeaWorld. For some much needed alone time but then he begs and pleads for his Daughter to come with us - this increased our expense which were just enough to get our family there by $100.00! I said No, I already bought tickets, made the reservations but then he said I was being an A$$hole! That I didn't want his daughter to come along because I was selfish, that next time he went anywhere he would take HIS two kids and leave us all at home. So, I gave in. And his daughter came along which I don't mind.

So, then we come home and for the first 1/2 of the week it was ok, but then the EX calls Wed., Thurs. & Friday I BLEW UP ON HER, because I have Vonage and I can see who calls my house and calls that are made daily! I love VONAGE! I leave a message telling her I don't want her calling my house while I am at work and I am sick of all her FREAKING PROBLEMS! I even tell BF to F*^k off because I am sick of him always blaming me.

So, he tells me how his EX was calling because she wanted to have a POW WOW with me and BF and discuss how to help her son. Because the "BLEEP" was EXPELLED! For passing WEED back and forth. So, now BF has to pick up his daughter 50 minute drive - to and from a day to take her to school while EX takes son to Alternate school and at 1pm BF picks up Son and takes him to the library to do his homework, and takes him back to my house until his mom picks him up.

So, I hate this little "BLEEP" being in my house around my baby and other son who is a great kid. But again there is the promise that this new school will drug test him and make sure he gets counceling, oh and his Ex is taking him and her daughter too! But I called the school two days ago and that was a LIE, the school does not offer drug testing or therapy. It's a crappy low class school for drop-outs or expelled kids so they can learn until there expulsion is up for the year.

I yelled at BF and he tells me it's none of my business, his EX and he are not on my schedule. And so I told him I was sick of it. I told him I would go for child support and he could leave if he couldn't improve things.

So, three days have gone by and we have not talked at all. He swears he loves me but feels what goes on with his EX and THEIR children are none of my business - yet I own the house!

Please give me advise. I am going insane and am honestly sick and tired of his excuses for his stupid kid.

Sorry the post is so long but I had to tell ya all the details. Promise, future one's won't be so bad.

Anne 8102's picture

For the love of God, call in an "anonymous tip" to his guidance counselor or school principal at the alternate school so they can do something by way of intervention. If this kid is serious, and his actions up to now certainly indicate that he is, your calling the school could save the life of every student in it. This kid doesn't need an alternate education program, he probably needs an inpatient psychiatric program. I know one thing, if I knew what school this kid went to, I'd call them myself and I sure as hell wouldn't let my kids go to his school. This is the kind of behavior that leads to things like school shootings and when it's all over the parents always say the same thing, "I just didn't see any signs." Well, HERE'S YOUR SIGN! I can't believe that the bio parents haven't taken more drastic measures with this kid! If they don't intervene in a big way now, eventually he will commit some kind of act and he's getting old enough to be tried as an adult if he kills someone. I wouldn't want this kid in my house around my children. Not that he doesn't need/deserve help, he certainly does, but you can't put the other children at risk in the meantime. What about DHS? Do you have a child protective services unit in your area that you could call anonymously for advice? If you request an investigation, they can make a referral to get this kid some help. Who cares if the bio parents get pissed off at you for "interfering." You have a right to protect your children and if they won't do it, then someone has to. My heart really goes out to you... this is a horrible situation to be in. Keep us posted.

~ Anne ~

lovin-life's picture

That's scary! Maybe the parents are in denial somewhat regarding the seriousness of this behaviour....or just don't know how to cope. I wouldn't know how to cope if it were MY son.

I believe he's a very sick individual, I'm sure he needs immediate full blown psychiatric intervention...not just counselling.
As a parent could I oust my 14 yr old....probably not...would I resent someone telling me too....probably would. (right or wrong) I would be so overwhelmed with so many emotions....

I would also have the same desire to keep my other children safe, healthy and well......and if that means removing him until he gets help.....so be it!!!!

This is very serious. If the bio-mom wants a "family meeting" maybe you are the one to wake them both up!!! They may shoot the messenger so to speak.....but if this affects YOUR life, YOUR children, YOUR household...it is YOUR business...and YOU do have input.

I think as the bio-parents they think that the final decision lies with them.....and it does, to a degreee...they are the ones legalling responsible for him.....just as the final decisions with YOUR bio-children lie with you.

I think that's where the " my children are none of your business" statement comes from.....it's a knee-jerk, emotional, stress induced, poor choice of words......but you do have a say when it affects you & yours...I'm sure he knows that..

I don't know your husband or you but I can only imagine the stress. I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach reading your story.

Get a family meeting...with mom & dad..tell them your feelings, concerns....make them understand that this child needs immediate phsyciatric intervention...that you know you are not his bio-parent.....this is not about that.....but you do care about what happens to him....and you care what happens to the other children.

Try not to "attack" ....although you emotions must be off the scale!!! The words and style people choose to communicate often compounds the problem...

I wish you well.......GET HELP!!! This is too much.... Smile

happy's picture

camp.. He has some major phsychological issues.. That need to be addressed or he is seriously going to hurt or even kill someone.. The problem is not his kids, the problem is the parents want to play dumb and think there is nothing worng with there perfect little boy. The scary thing is, he is violent towards all the kids.. Whats to say he would not do anything to you or your infant son or even your son.. He knows how to make a bomb.. I am 31 and do not nor would I want to know how to make a bomb.. His parents need to be parents.. He needs some serious counseling now.. I can just see it now he will be one of those serial killers or rapist or something.. Sorry I have been reading up on all the weird people in the world.. I am sorry for what you are enduring.. ITs painful I can tell.
You are right in standing your ground..
Did his son get to go on the Seaworld trip? Hope not that would just be rewarding him for his behavior..
I would also call the school and let them know about the journals and everything so they can watch him. If not some innocent kids may die at the hands of him.. And the sad thing is his own parents really are just trying to deny anything is really going on with him.. he is sick.. Sorry that is harsh.> But he scares me and I have no idea where you are..
Hopefully his parents will pull there heads out of there butts and take control of the situation..
BOOT CAMP I am sure would do it.. They would knock him down to his level..
Happy

Julie30's picture

Things have been really heated on the homefront with this boy, but I am going to contact DCF, Department of Children & Family Services. Probably in a couple of weeks? I just don't want the fingers to immediately point at me, and I want it to appear annonymous.

My best bet at finding out things is through BF's 10-year old daughter. She is a chatter box, hates her mom's lifestyle & would love to live with us full time.

I just don't know how to tell them the things that are going on, without exposing myself as the tattle tale since I am the one that witnessed the problems first hand.

Any suggestions? I mean the schools have noted his problems and have had the EX in, trying to get her to put him on medication for ADHD - same with her daughter but her daughter appears to be fine and sincere to me and I have never had problems with her.

But with his son - yeah, he needs some serious help. What I think is really sick is the fact that he does not maliciously attack me... They are more discreet factors of just acting out.

For example I saw my son's head to the floor tile "my son is 11 and around 5'5 and weighs 98 lbs." His son is 5'9 and weighs 170 I think. He also had slapped my son in the face twice. BF's daughter told me everything. And I went after "BLEEP" full force telling him I would call the police for assaulting my son. The same applies to him stealing things. I cursed him out royally and told him I would have him hauled off for being a thief. But he doesn't really say much - just sits there with a blank stare. Which is even more scary because he is keeping his emotional issues bottled up and eventually they will all come up. As for the threat to school, I don't know about this new alternative one... They are some really bad kids. Personally I feel he will be removed in a very short time. Not sure.

So, how should I contact D.C.F.? Any suggestions?

happy's picture

It can be anonymous.. I am pretty sure.. They cannot tell his parents who called without your consent.. Call and find out.. If someone does not step in there could be some serious problems..

This kid sounds to me like he has no feelings at all..
Cursing at him for what he did probably was not the best on yoru part because although you were mad that probably may have an effect on him.. But none the less at the time I am not sure if I were in your shoes I could be controlled either.. I can run off at the mouth with filth too.. SO please do not be upset with what I said..

But I really think someone needs to do something. Its your house and your children at stake too. And someone has to take the adult supervision roll..

His daughter does not like her mothers life style.. What is that? What is she doing? You may find that she is the root of the problem.. I would have them investigate her home.. Where is he getting the dope from?
Sounds fishy to me..
Call Child Services and talk to them explain the situation at hand and they may intervene immediately and everything will work out..
I called on my ex - because he had birds and bees all over his house and the filth of dirty dishes and stuff.. But because they did not live with him full time they would not do anything.. But in your case I think this child poses a threat to society let alone your household..
Call and just see what they say?

Anne 8102's picture

...if you ask to remain anonymous. For all they know, it could be a teacher, the parent of a kid at school, anyone. If they call you on it, just say, "It's no secret to anyone this kid has problems. I'm just surprised it took child services this long to initiate an investigation." But his behavior is threatening and he's not just a threat to himself, he's also a threat to his sibs and to you, not to mention the world at large. I wouldn't let the sun set before making that call. Call from a payphone if you have to or go to the library and use a public computer to do an online complaint, but I would do something lickety split. And I would never, ever put another one of your kids in the position of being hurt by this kid ever again. If it happens again, call 911. Maybe being carted away to the police station in a squad car will register with him.

~ Anne ~

hopeful's picture

This situation sounds dangerous. Why not just get out while you are still able to and nobody has been irreversibly hurt? BF has issues to if he keeps on allowing his son to not be accountable for his behaviour. I wish you luck...this cannot be easy for you.

Julie30's picture

I am going to call D.C.F. probably in a week or so, because all of this is going on they will obviously know it came from me as I have suggested it to BF in the past. At times he has said he would call but he didn't want the kids to have to be exposed to all of the questions, etc.

As for the mother, she has a job and she can speak rationally. She knows there are problems but the problems are just when they errupt and the next day they are soon forgotten. I think she is more of a disciplinarian than BF & I think I am more agressive than her at getting problems fixed instead of doing nothing.

In the past she met BF after his and her divorse. She was a great woman, cleaned, cooked, did laundry, cared for the kids and was there for him. But he was a drunk, a liar to her, was never there for her when the kids were born and always gave her problems with money. I know this because I read a letter she wrote him along time ago so I believe what she wrote to him, back in there past. Plus his ex wife at the time was harassing her and stirring trouble.

Eventually she got sick of always being the nice one and she started going out with her friends after she left him. She would drop the kids off with him and be gone all weekend and not be seen until early Monday at around 3 am. She started smoking cigarette's, drinking a lot and just being a party girl again - making up for all the lost years I guess.

Then I met BF, I don't drink, don't smoke, never did drugs and have a very close family. BF binged twice on beer and both times I told him to get lost. And when I spoke to his EX, she said her mom and her had a running bet that BF would do me, just as he did her - and too some extent I agree that a woman inherit some of the behaviors from the past. But she was shocked, still is because BF works full time, plus a lot of overtime. He is with our son all day while I am at work. He cleans, cooks and is there for me whenever I need him.

But she is still partying and I think the kids are sick of it. They have no friends because there house is nasty. Broken windows, rats, 3 dogs in a small 1300 sq. ft. house and for a long time his daughter had to share a room with her mom because the grandma was living there. They have no air-conditioning except for a small unit in the living room. The grass looks like a jungle.

As for the weed, I have no clue where her son got it. She doesn't do it but her friends might?

But when they come to our house it's nice. We live in a very nice residential upscale neighborhood, our son's each have a room of there own, we have a pretty dog that is very obedient and we have a fridge full of food and plenty of kids for them to play with.

So, I think it's just the mixed living conditions.

However I don't know if her nasty house consists of calling DCF. I believe she threw out the journals, and I have already recovered the stolen items. And when he got Expelled, she supposedly cleaned out his room and put a lock on it so he couldn't go in un-supervised.

That's why I want to give it a month, put out some feelers and find out what I can turn her in for. Ya know.

Julie (31)
Bio-Children - Son under 1 with BF, Son age 11 from previous relationship.

BF - Son under 1 our's together, Daughter age 20 from prior marriage, son age 14 & daughter age 10 from previous relationship.

lovin-life's picture

If your son was being beaten by his stepfather..on a regular basis..what would you do?

His home is his refuge from the world..his safe place...and to live in fear of being beaten at any time...by someone the size and strength of a grown man. Not acceptable!

My son is also 11 and not very big. I would kick the son-of-a bitches ASS if he laid one F*@#ing hand on my child!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you can't keep SS away from you & your family.....Can you and your children leave?

That breaks my heart that they are subjected to that.....if you are afraid of SS and are not subjected to physically violent attacks.....how much fear do your children live in? What is living like this doing to them?
Man .... you got to get on this!!! Good luck!!!! Smile

Julie30's picture

It's 2:48 am and BF left the house around 15 minutes ago. His daughter called earlier around 6ish, I let her leave a message. Then she called again and I said her dad was asleep because he works nights. Then at 2:30 am the phone rings. I hear BF say that he is coming over to beat the shit out of his son, as he said he would if another problem came up.

So, ex calls the house and asks to speak to him. I tell her he's already left the house. BF said that his Ex set some new rules in the house regarding chores. Well apparently his son was supposed to do the dishes last night and didn't. He told his dad he would do them today after EX complained to BF about it. Well apparently he didn't do them tonight so everyone is in an up-roar? I think Ex's boyfriend is at the house too. I am sure there is more to the story! I told BF not to DARE BRING BACK HIS SON TO THIS HOUSE.

After his Ex calls I ask her if my BF just left the house because her son didn't do the dishes, I mean was that really worth beating his ass over and all the drama tonight. She said that is NONE OF YOUR F&*NGING BUSINESS and hung up on me. I called her back and no answer, called again and she said if he is already on the way, then don't worry about it and hung up the phone.

I am sure that the police will come out once the drama unfolds when he gets to the house. And I know there is more to the story. What kind of mom can't get her 14 year old son to do the dishes? If it was my son I would be taking everything he owns and that would be the end of it. But crying and having her 10 year old up at 2:30am is CRAP. OVER DISHES??? I had planned to tell his EX that if this was the condition her daughter had to live in, I might worry! But she never gave me the chance. I feel bad for her daughter.

Part of me hopes the police get called out for BF's anger tonight when he left this house saying he was going to beat his son's ass. As I am sure his son will probably call them if he doesn't kill them all. Urgh...

I am so bothered that I actually logged on just to vent.

But in light of everything now I have reason to call. I am going to call in as a neighbor and make the complaint of yelling and abuse this date. Today's a holiday so I will probably have to wait until Monday.

As for my son, happened about 6 months ago & I made myself clear when I caught him holding my son down that I would have him taken away for domestic assault and I know he knew I was serious. And apparently it was in retalliation to my son kicking him with his roller-blades. But I think the situation was cleared up on my end/with the police as my next step. I also make my son go to my mom's on the day's that he is here and BF watches baby big time from what I just found out.

I don't know but I am tired. Maybe I will call the Sheriff's office and make a complaint now so they can drive by and listen.

Talk to everyone later with updates Smile

Julie (31)
Bio-Children - Son under 1 with BF, Son age 11 from previous relationship.

BF - Son under 1 our's together, Daughter age 20 from prior marriage, son age 14 & daughter age 10 from previous relationship.

Julie30's picture

I just called the Sheriff's office to tell them what was going on. And the shit-head officer/deputy or whatever who answered said that there is no problem with a father beating the crap out of his son if it keeps his son in check and that his father my BF probably wouldn't appreciate me having the cops called out to the situation. HUH... That's a little shocker. So, turn-the-other-way... I am afraid they will come and arrest someone anyway when the neighbors hear them all arguing.

Can you believe that?

If BF does get arrested I am going to tell the court that I tried to prevent this issue and get this family help and the cop did all but encourage it.

Oh well I am going to bed. All I know is the sh*thead better not end up coming home with his father. Goodnight Smile

Julie (31)
Bio-Children - Son under 1 with BF, Son age 11 from previous relationship.

BF - Son under 1 our's together, Daughter age 20 from prior marriage, son age 14 & daughter age 10 from previous relationship.

Anne 8102's picture

No one should have to live like this. Call DCF ASAP and put an end to this craziness. Hope you got at least a little sleep... keep us posted and good luck. I think you are going to need it.

~ Anne ~

Nymh's picture

Reading this I am very concerned. The way that you make it out to sound, it seems like all conversation about your step-children consists of your BF yelling at you for not treating them well enough or telling you to butt out. Well I'm sorry but if they're partially living under your roof, they ARE your business and if he can't understand that then he needs some major schooling (or a swift kick in the ass). Your household sounds like it is full of tension and stress over this situation and probably other factors that we don't know about. I hate to sound judgemental but this little boy sounds like a delinquent and it's probably not even his fault at all. If the parents make him feel rejected and un-loved, he will carry that over to his social life and that's why he feels like a misfit at school and probably why he's gotten into fights and expelled...And honestly, who "beats the shit out of" their son for not doing the dishes? This situation is really unsettling. The boy needs some serious discepline. When I was a teenager I got into some serious trouble and my parents pretty much put me on lockdown. I hated it for a while but you know what, I learned to appreciate the things that I could do at home to enjoy myself with my family without getting into trouble, and I seriously feel that if I hadn't gone through those several months of strict grounding I wouldn't be where or who I am today. Both parents need a major wake up call. Yes the situation is frustrating but that's no reason to resort to physical violence! The mother needs to understand that her son has ISSUES and they need to be dealt with instead of permitted or ignored. Perhaps there is some way that you could get this through to her or have someone else do so. Nothing is going to get any better unless you have cooperation from ALL FOUR parents. ALL of you have to be on the same page and present a united front in order for any real progress to be made with SS. If that is impossible and if the situation has no hope but to continue on the way that it is now, I would be preparing myself for a way out if I were in your shoes.

Please don't take any of this the wrong way. I am just very concerned for you and your two sons in this situation.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Jason's picture

Run!!! and don't look back. Fortunately, you aren't married, yet.... I don't know how you truly feel for this man, but with everything you mentioned, it sounds like a complete nightmare. How can any sane human being be able to live in peace under those circumstances? I would be very blunt with BF asap. Tell him either he goes to counseling together with you and make an attempt to sort this mess out, or it's over, plain and simple. No one deserves to live like that, I'm sorry!