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How to deal with a 3 y/o

helpplease85's picture

Hello I am new to this forum, glad i found it though. I am currently dealing with my boyfriends 3 y/o boy. He has his ups and downs. Sometimes he is fine. And sometimes he is just a pain. So much that I dont like him coming around. I have no children, so i think it might just be me not being motherly, i dont have maternal instincts and i dont show any affection because i feel like he will just turn it down (i do however give him hugs). I play with him, and he asks me to play with him at times. When my boyfreind talks to him over the phone he says things like he wants to see me. We had him over the weekend and things are fine at times, we all play cars, and watch movies, go to the park and we are all just fine. Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to play, he said "No" (his dad had stepped outside) I asked him for a hug and he sometimes gets frustrated and says that he has already given me too many hugs. He'll sometimes ask me why am i looking at him, or say dont look at me. So i wonder why he has such a mix of emotions? Somedays he is all about me and others he just makes me feel like crap. What am i doing wrong? Is there somehing i should be doing differently. It makes it really hard to love him when he constanly makes me feel like crap. Any advice will be helpful!

hismineandours's picture

Sounds like a normal 3 year old! The say whatever pops into their head? I wouldnt take any of it personally.

Jakehazex21's picture

Sounds like he has an attitude problem and your coddling him. Lay down the law

kmseiler's picture

My son is three years old and does the same as your boyfriends son at times. He's only three years old. And he's a boy. He is too young to not say what he is thinking and hold hos tongue. His behavior is not related to you, it's related to his age. "Laying down the law" when he doesn't want to play with you or hug you? That doesn't make sense to me. He loves you, three year olds love everyone who is a constant in their lives. Don't take offense when he won't hug or play with you. He's developing his independence at this age.

jennaspace's picture

Agreed, he's a 3 yr old boy, that's just how they are. You cannot take it personally. You will feel maternal instincts and likely have much more compassion/understanding for you own kids. You are in the precarious position of being around a child who is not yours when you have had none of your own. It's difficult to know what's normal and difficult to have maternal instincts at this point. The people I see who do the best are the one's who had much younger siblings, they seem comfortable with kiddies even when they don't have their own.

Just try to be very patient and read up on what to expect at this age. My little guy was like this at 3, it's normal.

MdMom's picture

My SD3 does the same thing your BF's son does. She'll tell me not to talk to her when I ask a question, I just reply with a 'that's not very nice.' And leave it, I'm not gonna argue with a 3year old. Lol, sure it hurts when they don't say nice things, but they haven't developed a filter yet. So what they think is usually spoken. My SD is very vocal about what she's thinking, its embarrassing at times. But I think, when it gets embarrassing, people understand, I mean she's only 3 for God sake. Lol

Don't take it personal.

emotionaly beat up's picture

I have two 3 year old grandsons. Sometimes I have to peel them off me, and sometimes I have to beg for a cuddle or a kiss, which under duress is given reluctantly by one. The other will say okay, but just my head. They're 3. Don't take it personally.