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For Pete sake someone help !

Turbodog's picture

Info: I'm 47 my parter mark is 52. I have two girls 23 and 24 yrs old.
I have 3 grandchildren
Mark has been married once with 2 children. Son 19 and daughter 23 yrs old. Daughter has been a problem.
My children not a problem
His ex wife is driving me nuts.

All summer Last year ex proposition him and tried getting him back.
But he got her hopes up 2 winters ago by having sex with her but cut it off quickly telling her he made a mistake. Which probably didn't help.

So she has a public blog. This past Christmas I blew a gasket reading her post and on Facebook. It showed an old pics of his truck in her drive way and some other pics and heading of merry Christmas from the ** family. Well I waited for the holidays to end then sent her a long email.
Last summer his daughter went off on me ranting she was her only girl and waving her fingers in the air telling me don't you ever forget that! !!
I took it and didn't say anything. But I was very upset. She told him later she didn't like me. Even though we went out to dinner the zoo a car show ect...... and his son remained respectful to me. He never did anything to upset us. He seemed glad to see me.

Well after my email to her. She showed that to the kids. And supposedly they told her why they don't like me. To this day don't know why ????
I was blunt in my email. I told her she lives in the past. She won't move on or let go of mark.
I told her how the kids come to our house complaining about her. And I'm sick of being in the middle of the issues.

Mark told his daughter we are going to be married and nobody can do nothing about it. And how he doesn't want her in our house. She also snooped 3 yrs re- worded an entire post. And mark corrected her. So something 3 yrs ago she dug up. And it had nothing to do with her or her dad. Yikes.
Recently his ex wife called him and said I know you don't love me anymore but you need to pick someone who I approve of. Wow!
Like I said she showed them my email now they're more upset about me.
Just yesterday I was mad again.
Her texts about the house she can't afford and won't buy ect. He's been pushing her to sell it. We have been together over a year. His ex is sitting on the house doing nothing. Nor maintenance on home.
Refused to sell. Makes up a zillions of reasons like it's not ready. It's not clean enough ( it is ) . That she is not ready. ( it's been 3 yrs. Also she's had free pay check every week on top of big alimony)
She wasted time and spent all the money? ???)
It's excuses.
Now the grapper: I want us to go to counseling over the decisions that you are making for a year and especially the last two weeks. That I'm sure means me she's talking about.
I'm mad !!!!
We discussed the texts. We both decided that the counseling isn't happening and we are moving forward like we planned.
I need help on what to do with her the ex wife. Grrrrrr.....

Turbodog's picture

****( when he went back to her we had not met yet. We were not together) just clarification.
Also his daughter went back on a social network and tried to dig up dirt. And reworded my post.****

Turbodog's picture

Well part of me doesn't regret the email.
I felt as a woman I don't have to be fed this dog crap.

I want to send her one today over the texts yesterday but make it business and tell her to seek counseling on her own and add some bible verses. I have not been very kind about it hoping to strike just facts.
He said he won't reply to her texts Bc it's not about them they are not in a relationship.

Oh p.s
The email stopped alot of stuff but the push of selling house has spurred her to start new bull shit

hereiam's picture

I need help on what to do with her the ex wife

Why does your SO not put his ex wife in her place himself?

I would never waste my time sending an email or putting anything on social media. Take yourself out of the middle and have no contact with the ex or the daughter.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

Hi Welcome to Steptalk.

I agree that disengaging may be your best option. Perhaps write out what you want to say but don't send it. Don't feed the monster.
There are some blogs here about disengaging. Look those up.
Block the BM and skids from all social media first of all.

Also think about editing your post to take out any real life names. Husband is DH. Ex wife is BM. There is blog about the abbreviations used on the site. If anyone googles your name ( if that is your real name at the bottom of your post) then they can find this blog. It is better to vent and remain anonymous.

The skids are grown. No reason for the BM to text either of you about anything. If the house was to be sold or bought out to give your DH his share per divorce degree then haul her back to court for contempt.
My DH's ex used to text and call him all the time about the grown SD's and their drama filled lives. I finally had to put my foot down, reminded him that when we got together we agreed not to have contact with past relationships. I told him his ex calling and texting all the time broke that rule. How would he feel if I started contact with ex husband or boyfriends? He finally got the message but it took blocking her number on our phone carrier to get the message thru to her. It was an intrusion in our lives to allow her to contact him over grown kids issues.
So block her and conduct everything thru certified mail or your lawyer. Put the past in the past.

She wants to stir the pot in your marriage. Don't give her that power.
Good luck.
Stick around here and read a bunch of blogs. You will find good tips for dealing with the crazy.
Don't let it go on and ruin your marriage or change who you are.

simifan's picture

His "children " are adults. There is no reason for him to be speaking /texting with BM. He should tell his daughter you will be his wife and she needs to respect that.

Turbodog's picture

I don't have any contact with daughter. And sounds like I need to do same with ex.

Another poster who are you referring to as a whore ? I don't understand the comment. (What's BM)

And no I'm not middle school.
I won't be in the middle of their past. Period.

MidwestStepmom's picture

Just stop all communication with BM (birth mother). What are you gaining from this twisted relationship with Bm that you need to hold on to? The kids are old enough to do all the communication to thier dad, there is no need to ever speak to Bm again. That also goes for your husband, he doesn't need to speak to her.

Don't add fuel to her fire, don't send anymore letters. This is what she wants, in her mind she thinks she is causing issues between you and dh, and now she might have a chance to get him back.

Always take the high road and "ignor the whore". If she publicly says anything to you just stay classy and respond with "oh that's nice".

Turbodog's picture

Ok baby's momma.
I figured it out.

Yes he did stop texting her about nothing but sale of house. That isn't working either.

He did put his daughter straight. Very straight.

I'm very happy he did. !!

It showed me more then ever how important I am.

I just wanted to know if I should not stop communication with ex.
I didn't come here to be called names. Or to be called immature. I never had step children or a pain in the butt ex wife

Rags's picture

Elope to a beautiful exotic place. One member and her DH married in the jungles of Belize. Post lots of pics, and quit communicating with his X except for specific minor kid related stuff. Oh wait. There are no minor kids ... so the only communication with her must be FUCK OFF!!!! But ... FUCK OFF directly in conversation with her. No FB, no texts, no email. Just verbally FUCK OFF from your mouth to her ears.

DH needs to stop paying anything that he is not legally obligated to pay and to start managing the payment of alimony or anything else he is obligated to pay in the most painful way possible for her as long as he remains compliant with the law. No discussion of his life, you, your marriage. Ever. For any reason.

Welcome by the way. I hope you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and pick up some useful advice from others living the blended family dream.

And don't forget ... FUCK OFF!!! Nothing more, never in writing. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Turbodog's picture


I am having a hard time with dh saying he communicates about kids.
The kids are adults.
I have pounded that in. But he thinks that she should text him about kids expenses with college.
And no he's done with alimony but now she's sent kiddos in to tell him he should repair her house. He's done with alimony and no contract with court about maintenance.

Turbodog's picture

Ok thank you step talk.
I changed my name.

And yes I had to block daughter and ex from social media and made my profile private. Thank you

Turbodog's picture

Thank you.
Yes that's his next move. He gave her 30 days for realtor now she's just yanking him around by a chain bringing their children into it . Witch hunts. Sick of it

Turbodog's picture

Yep you're right. He put her in her place more then once.
I couldn't even talk to his family at thanksgiving sd went from each of my private conversation s and talked right over me.
I couldn't wait to leave. I was so worked up. Ugh

WTF...REALLY's picture

My hubby and I went thru this in regards to the house. Is the house decision in the degree? Who gets it etc?

SO should go to court to force the sell of the home. We had to do that. It ended up being foreclosed on, but thank god that part is over.

He simply needs to stop communicating with her. The kids are grown. There should be no more back and forth on a regular basis.

Unless he still loves her. Then its time for you to move on.

Best of luck with all of it. But trust me, get ride of the home.

Turbodog's picture

I was really the one who put my foot down. It'd take a book. But really we can't have a loan on a house of our own til their old house is gone.
So it's important that after 17 yrs of waiting for mr. Right he do what the court said.
Yes after his son graduation she is to buy it or sell it.
We pretty much know he will have to go to court and force it. It will be so worthwhile and we can do what we plan Smile

Turbodog's picture

She's invading my life.
She won't stop.
Since dh has told her that he just wants her texting about sale of house.
She has of yesterday failed to do that.
So I feel like I should request him to block her.
If he dh does not maybe I need to move on.

Life's too short for this game to continue.

If anyone has any ideas that I am wrong for requesting he block her tell me.
Like I said I never had to deal with a BM.