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New concern with 9 yr old SD

Little Jo's picture

Some of you know my brief story. I've been with BF for alittle over a year. He has 4 girls and I have 1.

The youngest, 9 , has been visiting with us very regularly since day one. Now we are at just about every weekend. SD was very stand off-ish in the begining, but is now at a point she will snuggle with me, let me kiss her goodnight and seems to enjoy being with us. Recently even told BM she wants to live here.

BM has always hated me, called me every name in the book, has lied to the girls about me, freaked out if I dared to 'tell her I said hi' durning a phone call, ect...... Has repeated made it clear, I am nothing to HER girls.

Recently Bm got her first BF. They met on my space. He is a 1 year sober alcoholic that lives in a 3/4 house. Bm met him durning the holidays. The girls have spent, I think, maybe 4 times with him. BM & he are aready planning on moving in together in a couple of months. BM is acting like a giddy school girl with him. (That's from the mouth of the 16 yr. old)
The 16 year old told me the other day that the the 9 year old is on the phone with this new BF every night and even says 'I love you' to him.

What! That little bean has been hanging out here for a year, I've never gotten an I love you once.

Fast foward to today. The girls spent the day with BM & new BF. My BF and I thought we would actually be alone on a Saturday night. But, the 9 yr old called to say I'm coming over tonight, OK, whatever. She wasn't with us a half an hour before she wanted to call her Mother and talk to the new BF.
SD was going on about the Valentine CARDS and gift she got for the new BF.

Even when I put her to bed. She asked if she could have a phone in the room to call her Mom. She just got off the phone with her 10 minutes ago!!!

What is going on? I don't know. I don't know how I feel about this new found admoration this young girl has for someone that is what??

Comments

dawnmblack's picture

The same thing is happening at my house. The only thing I can think of is that the BM is constantly saying negative things about me and my boyfriend, we know this is true so my SD is probably going to take alot longer to warm up to me. My BF and I never say anything bad about the BM or her new BF. So although she hears bad things about me all the time she hears nothing bad about the new BF. Just my thoughts. Some days I feel like running away, LOL.

tiff's picture

I dont know Jo seems strange to me too. That kind if bond with almost a stranger should be an area of concern for all involved- including the new BF. maybe you or her dad should talk to her.

trinity's picture

Watch closely for the negative characteristics to come out in the daughter. I was once the same age in the same situation. My mom enforced me being accepting and loving to her new BF and he put on airs of fatherly figure to any and all who looked. In private whenever mom was asleep or gone I was being molested in every way possible and told if I didn't pretend that he was the best thing that ever happened to me and my family he would torture and kill my bio parents and siblings. I put on a good show for their sake for years.
I tried to get out without blowing the "secret" I told my dad I loved and missed him and wanted to live with him. I told him I couldn't stand anyone coming into my room without permission and felt violated, I tried anything I could to get out. My dad, unaware of the facts sent me back to my mother and said I had to learn to live with adversity I couldn't run away just because I wasn't heppy.
I became withdrawn. Threw myself into reading and artwork and school and learned to put on a happy face.
I am not saying this is going on with your SD but I would caution you to watch for any changes in the slightest, listen to anything she has to say, learn to read/see between the lines, and don't be afraid to investigate ANYTHING you feel doesn't "feel" or "look" right.
Hopefully this will never happen there but there are red flags when an adult man gets that close to a young girl that quickly and easily.
Good luck ind if you want to ask more details I am happy to share and help...e-mail me privately some of it is too hard to make public.
Trinity

Little Jo's picture

I am so sorry for what you went through. Oh My Good God. No child should ever go through that ever!!!!!!!!!

Please, it's bad enough we also found out last night, she walks to school alone most mornings. They do not live in a good area. She could be kiddnapped. This is the same child that fell off the porch roof 3 weeks ago!!!!! Help me I want to scream!!!!!!!!

I told BF today we have to deal with this. I know he is so angry. But he is keeping it bottled up. I told him, you have to talk, I don't need a volcano on my hands.

The shit is going to hit the fan bad. In more ways than one. Forgive me, but I am unprepared!!!!

trinity's picture

If you want to, show him my post....I tried to say but don't know if I made it clear, don't expect the worst but please watch for it. I can get much more detailed about the signs to look for but not publicly sorry.

Trinity

trinity's picture

Janice ....you have a vaild viewpoint and I truly hope that is what is going on.
I did say in my post that I learned real well to put on a happy face...that was for all and especially for mom since I loved her and knew she loved him. If she thought me and sibs were hapy then she could be happy. I fought natural instincts for safety and security for all involved.
So no I don't believe that it is a good indication of what's going on to just watch how the child interacts with the adult.
It is a proven fact that most molesters find single moms to have the availability of the kids....and that they befriend the kid and in most cases the adults who see the relationship are happy that an adult is such a positive influence in the troubled or lnely childs life. It starts out looking like a positive thing.
This is why I also tried to imply that a ALL areas of the childs behavior should be watched closely for change, and that there should be good communication with the child so she feels that she can come to a trusted adult if there is a problem.
I am not trying to unjustly accuse and I know I may be hypersensitive due to what I went through. I just want to make sure the BD and SM are aware of some tell tale signs of one of the things to be concerned about since SM is already sensing something unusual.
I think it is in the best interest of any child to have the adults in their life be aware of these things. To have the knowledge is to be armed if necessary. I hope I didn't offend anyone with anything I have said. I know there are many innocent close adult/child relationships and I do encourage them. My primary concern is for the safety and well being of an innocent child, and if GOD forbid there is any kind of abuse happening that it be minimized by the adults they care about most in their life.
Trinity

Little Jo's picture

I know he is pissed about alot of things. And there is alot to confront BM about. The taxes, the lowering of child support (he has been over paying ), the 14 y o failing 8th grade for the 2nd time, the 14 y o smoking in the house, the 9 y o , walking to school alone and of course this new found love for this stranger.

I admit, I've had secret thoughts of calling CPS. I'ld also love to get this new BF's last name so I can do a backround check on him.

It my BF's early night tonight, I'm plan to bring this all up again and see if he will talk with her tonight. Trust me, this woman is not stable, I don't blame him for wanting to avoid this confrontation. I know it's going to get really ugly.

I'm scared!!!!!!