I get so irritated and downright angry a lot lately when I see FDH's interactions with BM. He's not doing anything inappropriate, and when I try to look at it objectively I can honestly say that he's doing what he should be.

I get angry, and jealous, that he kisses her ass and tip-toes around issues with her because he doesn't want to make her angry. He wants to be able to get SS's more often than just what the CO states and for the most part she is gracious enough to allow him extra time when it doesn't interfere with plans she already has made (understandable). His kissing her ass, however, does not stop her from interfering with his scheduled time, cutting it short or mentioning other "fun" things the boys could do on daddy's weekend......he gets angry that she does this and actually brought it to her attention that he didn't appreciate being the bad guy and always having to tell them they couldn't do these other things because its his time to spend with them. She replied with "
I never told them about it, they just found out on their own....would you like me to put out a memo to everyone not to talk about anything in front of them?"

Now, she just signs them up for back to back sporting events through their local YMCA that incidentally is every weekend......we live 2.5 hrs away. So we have been staying at his parents every other weekend so we can take the boys to and participate in their sporting events.

I get angry because I rearrange a lot of things in my life to be able to do these things, I want to be a part of them also and I know that ultimately it is about the boys and not about BM or doing what BM wants.....however sometimes it is hard to distinguish between the two when the boys don't seem to be that interested in the events they are taking part of, BM doesn't go to these events even when it's her weekend to take them and she's not paid for any of the events, her step-dad has.

I get jealous that he is so nice to her because no one was ever that nice to me. My girl's dad's never seemed to care if something they did or said pissed me off, to the contrary they tried and said everything that would piss me off. Everything was about them, what they needed, their schedule, ect......

I get angry because she seems to be having everything handed to her while I work my ass off to support my own kids, keep my home under control and work with FDH to balance our budget. I've never received support for my kids, literally have supported my girls on my own up until I met FDH and it makes me sick that she gets what she gets in CS, assistive benefits and whatever else her mother and step-dad hand to her such as a place to live and a car to drive.

I know I should never expect any sort of consideration, recognition or even so much as a thank you from her. She likes to pretend that I don't exist, even when I am standing right beside her. Which to be honest I am just fine with because if she did ever talk to me I would most likely say some things that would be not so nice.

I feel guilty for feeling all these things, yet can't stop myself from feeling them no matter how much I try to be objective. On a good note, the kids get along very well, and aside from a few comments or a few issues we seem to be blending our family fairly well. FDH needs a lot of prompting to discuss things with his boys but he's had the uncomfortable conversations with them and all is well, for now.

I just wish he would be a little more stern with BM, set boundaries.....maybe pick a fight? I don't know what I want I guess.