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Lilly Mae's picture

How would you feel if you husband still has his ex wife listed as a beneficiary in the event he were to pass away .. we have have been together 5 years and married for 3 ?


ESMOD's picture

Did he say why he has not changed the beneficiary?  was it intentional (as in he was required by his divorce decree to maintain insurance while he had a CS obligation).  or he just wanted to ensure his ex would be able to support his minor/young adult child.. but intends to change that to his daughter directly or to you at some point?  Or did his just plain procrastinate/be lazy and just hadn't gotten around to it?

Some other factors.. what is your relative financial state vs his?  Do you share children?  

I mean.. yeah.. with no context or reason.. I would want to understand why he still had an EX as a beneficiary.. I would not be happy about it remaining that way unless there was a very valid reason why it had to be that way.

It may be that he sees that as a backdoor way to providing for his daughter if he passes away.. but you would also want to consider what your own relative needs and financial situation would be if he passed away.. does he have a significant estate that otherwise WOULD go to you in his will.. deeded property etc?

Definitely would be a question you should ask him.. but I would keep an open mind going in and listen to what he says.. if it was just an oversight.. I would ask him to please address it soon.

hereiam's picture

Unless there are minor children involved, there is no reason for the ex to be a beneficiary.

Have you asked him why he has not changed it?

How would I feel about it? Not good.

Yesterdays's picture

It's my belief that married partners should look out for each other financially. And this entails including each other in their wills.. in the event one is to pass away then the other is taken care of. I am leaving my partner all of my estate and assets and he's my beneficiary. We're also each other's executors. I have my ex husband listed on my life insurance however that has to do with child support obligations. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Hell no!

Maybe if their are minor childrenm but even then he could set it up to go to them.

That is a gut punch IMHO. Is he aware its still in ex wifeys name?

Cover1W's picture

No. If it's a beneficiary on life insurance then it's SO EASY to change it.

A will is more difficult but necesary to update periodically for lfe changes.

I have heard of divorce terms that mandate life insurance coverage for ex-spouses up to a certain age (usually centered around kids ages as minors). 

ndc's picture

My husband is financially inept and lazy.  OF COURSE he still had BM as beneficiary when we got married.  The only reason she's not still the beneficiary is because I gathered the forms necessary to change it, handed him the pen to sign the form, mailed it myself and followed up by phone to make sure it was done.  

Is your husband leaving her as beneficiary deliberately, or is he too lazy or inept to change it? Unless he's required by court order to leave her as beneficiary, I'd take steps to change it,  whether that involves a come to Jesus talk with husband or doing the paperwork yourself. 

CLove's picture

So whats the update on enablement from last post?

caninelover's picture

He was just lazy and forgot to change the beneficiary.  But otherwise, no the beneficiary should not be ex wife (even if they shared kids).

Have you asked him why?  If you've asked, and he refuses to change it for some reason....time to talk to a lawyer.  Legally currently married spouses usually trump ex spouses.  

But really, why doesn't he just change it?

SM12's picture

In certain situations the wife is automatically the beneficiary and must sign a form acknowledging anyone else other than her being beneficiary.   I had to do that for my life ins at work.  I wanted my BS to get a majority of my life insurance and DH had to sign a form allowing it. 

However, my attorney for my divorce from My Ex put in the papers we had to each have life insurance with the other as beneficiary.   I didn't ask for that and honestly never did it.  I know my EX didn't either so I wasn't too worried about it.   

Rags's picture

My DW is the primary beneficiary on all of my life insurance as well as on my investment accounts, 401Ks, IRAs.As am I for her insurances and accounts.  In the event of our joint demise, SS-30 is the secondary.   He is an only child in our marriage and I adopted him. 

Our joint Will was designed specifically to ensure that the SpermClan could gain zero benefit from our estate in the event DW pre-deceased me or we died together while SS was a minor.

An X is an X for a reason.  Rather than name an X the beneficiary on a life insurance policy, whether COd or not, I would name a trust the beneficiary and have that trust administered by an executor/executrix under very strict bylaws to make sure the Skid was cared for and the X had little to zero say in how that support occurred.  DW and I agreed that in the event of her demise, I would care for SS and provide for him as my own child, which he was.  In the event I could not get custody I was to do whatever was possible to keep the SpermClan in line until SS aged out from under the CO.  Basically, carry life insurance for the care of the minor child(ren) in a way that cuts the X our of as much risk of abusing the kid's money as possible.

Blessedly, that did not happen and we are all well, alive, and kicking.

If they were worth a shit, they wouldn't be an X.  Ceteris Paribus.

shamds's picture

Hubby put me as beneficiary back in 2018 to prove he was looking out for us when sd's suddenly re-initiated contact after 5.5 yrs no contact and lecturing and demanding hubby gift a home he purchased post divorce (to be given solely to skids whom 2 were adults and youngest was 13 at the time and we had 2 toddlers).

i told my husband I wasn't gonna in case of him dying when our kids were minors, fight the exwife and skids over estate and us being provided the basics.

since there is a huge age gap between our kids and my skids and skids have had basic necessities and education paid for, hubby needs to ensure same is done for us. If he could allow exwife never have to work and be financially responsible for half of kids upbringing costs etc, its unfair for him to tell me i'm on my own and to deal with his exwife and skids if he were to die tomorrow 

in our case, exwife is a lying cheating hoe and has sd's wrapoed around her finger. Sd's only have bio mums interests at heart and she has been remarried to her affair guy since 2009, so hubby needs to protect us to ensure nothing happens.

such is my husbands distrust of his own kids (especially his daughters, that he withdrew a decent amount of retirement savings) thats he bought a home put solely in my name in my country as thats where we intend to retire. That is something exwife or skids cannot touch if my husband were to die as its not considered part of his estate. 

my husband refused to put the home partially in his name too. I have done alot of diy and re landscaping and work in our home. Exwife and kids have not. 

in your situation we need context about if he has existing minor kids, what divorce decree states. In my husbands divorce he was required to provide a home for exwife and kids (who were minors), ss was an adult about 4yrs post divorce. 

ss was in hubbys sole custody and youngest sd is 17 now and will be an adult next yr. however exwife has convinced sd's that hubby owes her an actual home for life despite being married for 13.5 yrs now. She convinced eldest sd to lecture my husband back in 2018 that he needed to transfer one particular home into sd's name because exwife was convinced her marriage was falling apart and her affair hubby would divorce her soon so she connivingly wanted to have said home transferred solely into skids name so her current husband can't lay claim to it in event of divorce. 

exwife is happy to freeload off affair hubby as a bum but doesn't wanting him getting amy entitlement to her wealth/inheritance or estate. 

me and hubby have things in such a way to pre empt any bullshit from skids so our affairs are covered. I am also finalising my late mother's estate, my fathers estate is the largest and skids will not inherit anything, just my husband if i were to pass before him which is highly unlikely since he is more older than me 

nappisan's picture

i would be very annoyed!! A couple of years ago a good friend of mine lost her new husband to a heart attack ,, unfortunately he never gotten around to changing the beneficiary from his ex-wife nor did he have an updated will.   The ex wife got almost everything and my friend had to pay a fortune for a good lawyer just to get a very small portion to pay exspenses.  The ex wife now doesnt have to work and has paid off her house, while my friend had to go back to work and downsized the family home and has moved into a small duplex.  One again i would be very anoyyed, your husband is clearly not thinking about the remifications for you if something were to ever happen