Financial Security Responsibilities
I have 5 children of mine and 4 step children. All 5 of mine are now adults although typically one of them at a time may move back in to our house to get "back on their feet" from time to time. My current and 2nd wife of 4 years has 4 children. Two of those are teenagers and living with us. My wife always has an excuse not to get a job. She hasn't worked in several years (before we married). She is always citing it is because she needs to be there for her teens. Well I wish I could have been at home for my kids as they grew up too but these pesky household expenses kept getting in the way of that plan. We discussed it before getting married and she agreed she'd have a job within a year. That was 3 years ago. There's always an excuse. I have a good paying job and bust my butt to support the household. She gets a little child support from her ex but that's it. So I support her and her kids by paying 90% of the bills (estimated but pretty accurate). My wife doesn't cook or clean much at all. She is VERY controlling. She complains about whichever of my kids is living with us at the time which I admit I get very defensive about. I have a small retirement account (less than 100k) that I personally have been building over the years. I spent a lot of time raising kids (including 3 adopted kiddos) so the money didn't seem to make it's way to the retirement account over the years when I wasn't making nearly what I am making now. About 2 years ago, my mother passed away and left me with everything as I am an only child and dad had passed away many years ago. I received her house along with the equity and her retirement plans which were sizeable compared to what I had achieved of my own doing. When my mom died, my wife and I met with a financial advisor (the same one my mom used) and he helped get everything into my name. Evidently, law states that my wife has to be the beneficiary of the retirement plans unless she signs a document acknowledging she is willing to allow me to name someone else as the beneficiary. I discussed this with her and she was beside herself upset and refused to sign the forms. She feels she should be the sole beneficiary of everything we own. I then sold my mom's house and put the equity in my moms old checking account where I am the only one who can access it as of now. She is obviously not happy about this. I originally planned on rolling that money into our house that my wife and I both own but now am hesitant because we have been fighting so much.. .not sure where the marriage is headed. The problem I have is this money from the equity of my moms house and the money in the retirement accounts represents everything my mom worked for for the past 50 years to accumulate for HER family. My wife and my wife's kids are not part of that equation in my mind. Don't get me wrong, I will absolutely take care of my step kids while they live under my roof but in my mind, their mom and bio dad are the ones that have the responsibilty of setting up their kids for the future. The same is true with a sizeable life insurance plan I have. I have had it for 15 years and all 5 of my kids are listed as beneficiaries. My wife was upset that I refused to put her kids on the policy as beneficiarie's. (I did go out and get a separate smaller policy and list her kids as beneficiaries) Am I wrong for how I am thinking?