I think sperm donor should be spared having to pay CS; the others, not so much.

Until men have a say in abortion, they should be spared. Sorry, but I am a woman and at the end of the day, it was MY choice to have a child. If he has no choice, but I can easily terminate a pregnancy, then he also should not be forced to pay.

I think both men and women need to realize that condoms aren't 100% foolproof, and neither is birth control. I know women who've gotten pregnant on birth control and realized they were pregnant after the relationship with their baby's fatter is over. Knowing that birth control isn't 100% effective makes me disagree somewhat with the "I was trapped" argument. And what about the guys who poke tiny holes in their condoms?

It takes two to tango.

I have a question. If men have their parental rights terminated voluntarily, do they still have to pay child support?

Because if so, then IMO, that's messed up. Because if you didn't want a kid, didn't know about a kid, and mom still decided to have the kid after you were gone and didn't tell you about it and then you don't see the kid, then I don't think you should have to pay child support, because, at the end of the day, the mom decided to have the child, and the man had no say at all in whether or not the kid was born. Though I do agree that the best way to not have a kid is abstinence.

If the two parents are together when the child is born, then child support should not be avoided, but if they are apart and the man terminates their rights voluntarily, then I'm just not sure he should have to pay CS.

I mean, at the point that you as a woman were single, realized you were pregnant, then that was 100% your decision to decide to have the baby instead of adoption or abortion.

As the step mother of a child that was generated from a one night stand I think there has to be some kind of leeway.

My DH had a drunken one night stand with a woman. She found herself to be pregnant. 4 different men were called in for the paternity tests after the child was born. My DH "won". She then tried to take him for every thing he had. He didn't even get a chance to ask her to have an abortion (not sure he would have - but you know what I mean) - A summons, a test and then poof you're a dad - here's your CS bill. Something seems really wrong with that.

Fast forward a year - she violates the visitation rules again and again. Even moving across country without approval. (twice) Each time it is up to DH to hunt her down and bring her back - the whole time paying the CS.

Fast forward a few years more - and BM finally agrees to release DH of CS if she can move out of state. Great - until of course, it is determined that she's trying to GIVE the kid to strangers! As in "here adopt him". yeah. she's awesome.

And then a few more years when he's in so much trouble with the law, home and school that she just gives up - and hands him over to CPS. After multiple failed foster families, a year in a "boys home" he shows up on DH's door step "Here's your kid he's yours now." And by the way no CS from his mother because she has medical excuse to not work and live off the welfare state. (it is a bull sh!t excuse but whatever)

HUH?

We now have a seriously effed in the head 15 year old kid living with us who has no concept of right or wrong, no social skills and who knows what else (because he won't talk to us or counselors).

All because they had a drink or two too many one night...

Something is wrong with the system.

easy solution, legally speaking, would be for any potential father to be allowed to sign "nonconsent" forms, when he finds out a woman he's been with is pregnant. Meaning he waives all rights and responsibilities for the possible child.

This truly would put the ball back in the bm's court. Does she really want to raise a kid alone? Does she want a child or a meal ticket? If there's no CS attached automatically, I have a feeling unplanned birth rates wil go WAY down.

If she didn't notify the father, or dna testing has to be done, he could be offered the papers when he is notified. Allow men to walk away, women already have that ability (abortion and the pill.)

No human should be forced to support a child they did not choose to have, it's barbaric. and no, abortion is not a simple choice for everyone, same as signing away all rights to s kid that could come along wouldn't be an easy choice either.

re: BMs who don't work and get massive amts of CS

Rags also has mentioned a solution in the past that is if one party cannot support the children financially without CS, then the child(ren) should go with the other party.

anytime you start to say abstinence is the only way to be 100%- you're talking about men, really. abortion isn't fun but it's reliable. completely reliable. people practicing abstinence can be raped, or have sex against their will- and get pregnant.

seriously, men need to be able to say they don't want a kid, legally, and walk away. this levels the field, we as women are ultimately in control, it's the 21st century and we can't just leap back to the middle ages with our sexuality.

bm's like to say that by having sex with each other, this makes a lifelong commitment...but honestly, sex is a healthy expression, and shouldn't be so fraught. sex is not only for procreation; conception is a risk taken yes but it does not mean we should abstain if we don't want a kid with every person we have sex with.

I feel like I really need to argue for sex-positivity here and the feminist approach; being coddled and breeding machines is not healthy behavior. it's exactly the kind of thought process that leads to bm entitlement and laziness; to people using their kids as a source of funds or attention instead of treating them as humans in their own right.

make carrying a child to term a truly self-chosen and self-supported thing and you know, a lot of us SMs would not be SMs at all. Would the BM in your case have had the kid if your partner had had the opportunity to sign off on it and walk away free? or was the kid a tool, something she could USE?

Men who aren't ready to be fathers, need to stop having sex. They don't get to opt out after the fact. The time to walk away is before the wheels are set into motion.

Perhaps the best way to encourage teenage boys to use condoms is to show them in Sex Ed how much money they're going to be paying out to BM if they get careless.

My husband refers to his daughter as a very expensive lesson that you always need to use a condom. (SD15 is the result of a very stupid casual relationship my husband had as a teenager.)

While fathers in these types of situations should financially support the children, I do no believe they should be forced to be part of the child's life, unless the child wants them to.

My husband didn't even know about his daughter until she was at least a year old and was hit up for CS. The BM wanted nothing but his money and he decided it was for the best that she be raised by her grandma so she could stay with her half-siblings after BM's parental rights were severed (BM's a mess with substance abuse and mental health issues, and an abusive schizophrenic boyfriend).

If children don't bond with their parent when they're little, it's very difficult for them to have any sort of normal relationship with them. You end up with Disney Daddies but not real fathers.

My SD wants nothing to do with her dad, hates his guts and refuses to be parented. When she came to live with us (after her grandmother had passed away), it was like dropping off an angry, hostile foster kid at our home. She had no bond with her father, no desire to be part of our family. She wouldn't listen to him, didn't care about his approval and enjoyed pissing him and me off as much as humanly possible.

Dr Phil types can have their disillusions that these types of situations can work out and men can be "forced" to be fathers, but that's only if the kids want to have a parent. If they refused to be parented or to accept their father then watch out. My DH is a fantastic father to his three boys, but there's nothing he can do to change SD at this point.

And too many of these situations are like my SD15 or stepmonster_2011's SS. It does no good to drop these types of kids into homes where there are other children who suffer because of kids that honestly should never have been conceived.

I believe that if a woman is allowed to have an abortion or give the child up for adoption without the father's consent then a man should have the option to terminate all paternal rights (including financial obligation) to a child he didn't want.

A woman is not required to be responsible for a child if she doesn't want to be so why should he, just because she decides to keep the baby? He isn't given the same courtesy.

My man got stuck paying out his a$$ for years for a kid (result of drunken one night stand) he didn't find out about until she was 12! He had to pay ongoing cs, plus 12 years worth of back cs. He got financially sodomized. Spendy piece of a$$. That should be illegal.