could it work?
Forums:
I am open to opinions about this. My ex and I broke up 6 months ago due to lots of issues with the skids and his lack of back bone. We recently started talking again and he is opening up about our problems. I have been thinking that maybe we can get back together. If I completely disengage from adult skids and he keeps visits with them away from our home could the relationship work? We were together 2 yrs and still love each other.
He's not going to grow a
He's not going to grow a spine despite any talking he may do. If they're taking advantage of him, financially for instance, that isn't going to change.
Normal adult kids are not up
Normal adult kids are not up their parent's ass all the time. Normal adults have a life - job, friends, spouse or dating, etc. They see and talk to their parents but are capable of deciding what to have for lunch without calling mommy or daddy.
Parenting is to raise children to be independent functioning adults. Emphasis on the independent. Sure there is contact but the child should become an ADULT.
I don't know your issues with his children. If they are rude, obnoxious, hateful and disrespectful to you of course they should not be in your home. Hell a bio kid who is like that should be kicked in the ass.
As for money - a parent is certainly obligated to keep their child fed and sheltered as a child. But that obligation stops when they are an adult. I would have died before I would have come to my parents asking them for $20 so I could buy gas/groceries, etc - much less pay for cars, vacations, etc.
How does your ex feel about this? Is he so spineless than he cannot ever say no to them. Are they so worthless that they feel free to be rude and petty while asking for money all the time?
Because I could not love a man who was so lacking in intestinal fortitude that he would allow anyone (even his children) to malign me while picking his pocket. You have to respect a man to really love him.
Most of our issues were adult
Most of our issues were adult skids that treated me badly. They do not have a relationship for the most part. He only contacts two of the 4 bc of past transgressions they did to him. If they are to come to our possible future home I would not stand for any disrespect. And he would know my position on that. I have no problem standing up for myself in my home, but if it became a pattern they would not be welcome. Just like anyone that disrespected me in my home.
I'd just use him as a booty
I'd just use him as a booty call until a man with no baggage came along
Seriously, If he didn't change then, why would he change now? Talk is cheap. I'd be wary and would want to keep everything seperate until I was sure. This would probably take a year or more to make me believe. It is his job to make you believe. Don't cut him any slack or make excuses for him in the meantime. The odds are that his kids won't stop or change their behavior and he may well not stand up to them for once either, people just tend not to make major life changes like that.