O/T: My 16-year old niece had her baby
I just got word that my 16-year old niece delivered a baby girl day before yesterday. She'd decided awhile back, after talking with the father & his parents, that she would place it for adoption. The father & his parents were more than happy to sign the papers & be rid of any responsibility. Frankly, that alone is enough to resolve that she made the right decision.
Not having any kids of my own, I have felt a mix of frustration, anger, sadness, & love through her pregnancy. The baby was placed with her new family this morning & being her first grandchild, my sister is really struggling. It has been a difficult 9 months for their family.
Throughout her pregnancy, I have wondered how different life could be for so many kids who's mothers are too selfish to give them the life they deserve to have. I am impressed that a 16-year old girl, was responsible enough & had a heart big enough to let her child go to a couple who could provide a home she knew she couldn't provide. How is it that at 16 she is able to comprehend the responsibility & care required to raise a child, but still at 37-years old, BM can't recognize it?
Just a few thoughts...
- stormabruin's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Yeah, my heart is breaking
Yeah, my heart is breaking for her & my sister. I can't imagine their pain, but many lives will be blessed by her choice.
Absolute kudos to your
Absolute kudos to your niece.
I too, have no children at 38. I have shared all the same emotions that you have mentioned, as I chose to not have a child until I was truly ready, or if the time never came, be ok with that as well.
I live in an urban area where teen pregnancies run rampant. Welfare and Section 8 seem to overrun the population, because young girls chose not to be careful, and then not consider that they are going to face a life of struggle - which impacts the young life they are bringing into the world.
I couldn't imagine bringing a child into this world knowing that I would have to rely on social services, be so young to not be able to financially provide for it (with exception of a part-time job at Burger King). Knowing that the father wouldn't be in the picture without force from the courts, all the emotional trauma that ensues when the child grows and has to adapt to life with an absentee father in most cases.
I even though in my late 20's that if I were ever to have become pregnant without being ready, that there are so many deserving families that could raise the child in the way it so deserves.
Meanwhile, my SD15 just claims "she'd feel guilty" if she gave the baby up for "adopshien or had a aborshien".
If you can't spell or get through the 10th grade yet, you're probably not ready for a child.
"adopshien or had a
"adopshien or had a aborshien".
-------------------------------
I got tickled at that.
I agree that it was the best
I agree that it was the best choice. She has to finish high school & she's 16. No doubt the child-rearing would've been left to my sister. She has raised 6 of her own & is going back to school herself.
Not to mention, the 9 months of pregnancy, the labor & delivery, & coming home with nothing but tears will be a lesson learned. That's a hefty price to pay to learn a lesson, but I think she got it.
Bet she doesn't end up pregnant again until she's ready.
My heart breaks for your
My heart breaks for your niece & sister. I can't imaginge going thru those emotions. My birth mother was 16 when she had me and made the decision to put me up for adoption. She had 6 older brothers and some of them were in a position to adopt me but she thought it was better that I go outside the family. My birthfather was an absolute slug. My heart breaks for anyone going thru that type of choice in their lives.
My niece also felt it would
My niece also felt it would be a cleaner life for the baby to adopt outside of the family. It doesn't get so wishy-washy & confusing for them growing up & trying to understand.
Do you agree, or would you prefer to have been with them?
I'm so glad that I went
I'm so glad that I went outside the family. As hard as life is sometimes, my family is incredible and I'm exactly where I should be.
I think adoption should be exactly what it is - It sounds harsh but it's a termination of the parental rights. The open option thing - getting to play at being mom I think is not good for the child.
Has she asked about future contact? Can she write a letter for the file? The state I was in really helps make contact when both parties request it but I know some states are so locked down. I hope she and your sister find peace in their decision.
When I talked to my sister
When I talked to my sister about it, she said that the adoption can be as open or closed as the 2 parties decide. I think my niece was under the impression, at first, that she would be able to go visit every few months or something, but my sister explained the need for distance so that the baby can bond with the people she will learn to know & love as her parents. It was hard to swallow, but she understands.
She has met the new parents & was there for the placement. She is friends with them on Facebook, so she'll be able to see her pictures as she grows. They gave the baby my niece's name as her middle name. My sister made a scrapbook of my niece & the birth father's little pics up through the delivery, & there are pictures of my niece with the baby when she was born. The new parents were excited to have it for her.
My mom made a baby quilt for her & they accepted it graciously & seemed honestly happy to have things from the birth family/relatives for her to have when she's older.
Good for her! If only moré
Good for her! If only moré were like her...
PS idiot sd kept hers...is still living the life of a 16yr old in 9th grade & partying...I bet she's on welfare...crazy witch & idiot teen never mention baby...she must be hidden in a basement waiting for her mommy to finish her partying...