why is childfree such a perposterous (spelling) thought?
I am happily single after dealing with adult step kids for two long years and a spineless man. Now that I'm starting to date again I'm picky. I've also decided besides never wanting to be a stepparent again I think I want to not have children. My roommate suggested tonight that I should just get "fixed"!?! I am not a dog and maybe someday I'll want kids, but after all the BS with step kids I cannot imagine having kids. People say its different with your own, but I just dont have that maternal feeling. Besides that I am being selfish about my life. After two years of unhappiness I am doing what I want to do. Anyone else experience this kind of problem? I do like my god children and little cousins. I am not a child hating monster, just don't picture my life with them.
I see both sides to this as I
I see both sides to this as I always thought I'd never want children of my own.
On the one hand, it (usually) actually is different if they're your own. There's been some scientific research as to why this is, and there is some brain chemistry the changes during pregnancy and for the first few years afterwards that seem to be the primary reason behind the bond formation.. Obviously, with steps we don't have that.
On the other hand, the word "selfish" has become a dirty word. There's no reason in this world that it should be a bad thing to look at yourself and say, "Self, I am entirely too selfish for children. I do not want to get up early on weekends, clean puke, stay up until the wee hours of the morning assisting with project completion, give up drinking for 9 months or more, stop hanging out with my girlfriends, have to buy a mom-mobile, or any of the other things associated with being a mom. In short, I'm not there and may never be. And that's ok!"
Don't give your friend's comment too much though; I'd be willing to bet she thought she was being helpful. But you know what's best for you, and I think that's great.
There is absolutely nothing
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a person not wanting children. In fact to have children because of societal or peer pressure would be a crime, a crime against the children first of all but a crime against oneself and perhaps even society who may have to pick up the pieces.
Stick to your condoms and never leave home without one. Or two. I'm serious - women who absolutely, positively without fail cannot get pregnant use some sort of birth control AND a condom. Just tell your partner you can't use birth control and no condom no sex.
By doubling up on the protection your chances of getting pregnant in the long run drop from perhaps 5 in 100 to less than 3 in 1000.