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Opinions on brainless electronics for SS10??

FedupAJ's picture

Sorry - this post kind of became longer than I planned...

Firstly I want to say I know times have changed since my BD16 was born.  She didn't have a fancy phone or tablet with Wifi etc until she was maybe 13.  Her first phone was just a pay as you go to have because we didn't have a landline and she would come home after school at 3rd/4th grade.  She would be home less than an hour before I got home and I have family around incase she needed anything. But anyway....

The BM seems to allow TV, Tablet, Phone etc take care of my SS.  & if it wasn't for me I am sure my DH would be the same. SS10 has a hand me down smartphone at his BMs house.  We don't allow it at ours. Firstly - not going to be responsible if something happens to it.  Secondly he is a very immature 10. (I wouldn't even trust him alone for any amount of time. I barely trust him to walk to his grandparents which is crossing a not so busy street. He lacks the common sense of paying attention.) & there is no reason he needs a phone at ours because he is always with someone - so even if BM wants to call him she can get ahold of him somehow. So he does not need a phone! She just has it for him to entertain him in the car. Like seriously...maybe talk to your kid while he's with you instead of having to call my DH to ask how SS day went at school. Yes - I'm bitter. Lol. 

So basically - we did allow SS to watch Netflix at ours.  When my BD was younger she could have TV in her room but she would also "play", not JUST stare at the TV constantly.  That seems to be what my SS does.  He just sits there staring at it. And of course my DH would use Netflix as a way to keep SS entertained and not around so my DH could just play on his phone and watch sports and not have to parent. I put a stop to that. So now SS who can play with the many toys he has in his room can't seem to function alone and has to come out and bother my DH all the time.  So now I'm in the middle of the battle of SS needs to be able to play alone yet also my DH needs to parent and do things with him.  & trying to get that balance seems impossible. I've taken away Netflix full stop.  But we have also taken away the Wii for games currently. 

Now I'm at the point do I just tell my DH he can do what he wants and hook up the Wii again (I won't be giving the Netflix password tho) & he can let his son do whatever he wants since he's the parent....meaning I will start the disengage from electronics??

In my opinion there could be a balance with it all - TV, Video Games, Tablet. Oh and when he plays on his tablet he just watches videos...doesn't actually play games. So it's not like he does anything to use his brain. ***Ugh....PLEASE help??***



Aniki-Moderator's picture

It's up to your DH to "entertain" SS. If DH is okay with electronics "babysitting" his son, then so be it. Of course there should be a balance. BUT... Not your circus; not your monkeys.

Siemprematahari's picture

If your H is not parenting him and not supporting you with the whole issue of electronics I'd just leave it alone. If SS turns out to be a mindless zombie because he's consumed by all these gadgets than H will have to deal with the outcome of not putting his foot down. DO NOT invest any more energy in this. If your H doesn't care enough to do something about it, why should you? Place that energy on your kids and focus on their well being.

Life is too short to be wasting it on things that are beyond your control.

SteppedOut's picture

You are disengaging to see if your dh steps up... it's gotta be dh choice. 

FedupAJ's picture

You all have NO idea how amazing you are. I found this site yesterday and a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 

Thank you Thank you Thank you!!

Maria10's picture

Outside: hikes, swimming, gardening, sports, weeding( lol...Skids went outside and ss12 showed ss6 to pull joke), lawn games, park, stargazing., grooming the dog, walking the cat( lol at BM house)

Inside: cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and dishes, board games, playing cards, reading books, doing a puzzle, crafting, writing/ telling short stories, seasonal decorating, making cat toys out of batting and old socks, sock puppet theather.

Youtube/computer: learn to make anything, learn another language, learn physics, easy science experiments etc.( use these as tools to learn something).

A few hours each day spent doing things as a family might benefit all of you.

My DH, skids and I have movie and fast food night every Friday.

FedupAJ's picture

I would like to hope we can get to that point again. When we first got together we did that stuff usually my doing. But after awhile things changed and I'm not blaming anyone but now I heartbreakingly cant even get myself to be in the same room as my SS. Believe is the WORST feeling. 

stepmominhiding's picture

Honey, you care too much! You are going to drive yourself crazy caring more than bm and dh about THEIR kid!