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not even a blip on his radar, a sad vent

forever2's picture

I guess I realized it long ago, and day by day it gets more clear. I just don't matter to him (my bf). His kid will always be the only thing in his life and on his mind. You know how people always joke about men having absolutely nothing but sex...or their brain? My bf has only skid. I realized that every relationship discussion or fight ends up being about skid. Meaning, when I tell him that I am unhappy with our relationship it always turns into a discusion about what MORE he should be doing for the poor boy only has my attention 23 hours a day and he is really suffering. If he understands how hard he has to work for skid relationship, can't he grasp the same for a romantic relationship? No, he simply cannot. This weekend he did absolutely nothing with me except a one hour exercise class, 1 hour out of 48. I mentioned this and he says, "my god, what else does princess want?" Jerk! Then he goes on to rationalize that because I am in the kitchen while he is collecting the trash, or doing dishes that we have LOTS of quality time together. I point out the hypocrisy in his statement because his definition of quality time with skid is 100$ football games, or movies, or golf etc. For me, apparently being in the same room is more than enough. When we go on vacation alone (rarely mind you), I can almost count the moments until he mentions how great it would be to take skid next time. When we eat out, sure enough the next day he is telling skid how he can't wait to take him to this new restaurant. My realization is that our relationship, which I agonize and cry over, is but a blip on BFs radar. It really doesn't matter to him. I keep the seat warm until skid is around. I provide the only things that skid can't...the sex, and half the mortgage payment. When I leave, how long will it take him to forget my name, to get a new dumb girl to provide the sex and half of the mortgage? Whether the name is Jessica or Jennifer or Angela, or current girl A or B or C, whats the difference....all the he cares about is skid. I was a non-entity all along. Reality sucks.

sterlingsilver's picture

I got irrate for you. No one should treat his woman like that. I'd take my princess butt right out the front door. It seems the prince of the house rules.

Kes's picture

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. My own re: my SKIDS used to be a bit like this but my DH has got a lot better. It has taken 9 years, however! If you decide to leave, I hope you find someone worthy of you who values you. No-one deserves to be treated like this.

giveitago's picture

I play second fiddle to school, I joke with DH that I am a study widow. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with it though. How old is the SKid?
I agree with Kes, these things take time.
Do you and BF do things together with SKid?
We have all three SKids living with us so it's a bit of a different dynamic, the main issue I found was the fierce competition for daddy's attention from the two younger ones and if I were dealing with it that would drive me nuts! I never saw much sibling rivalry with my bio three and it was shocking to learn just how damaging that can be. PAS too, damages kids beyond the beyond!
Is it possible that he feels the mother is remiss in taking care of SKid? He could be overcompensating. Some people take their role as a parent very seriously and it IS important that a child feel secure growing up.
I believe that as SKid gets older your BF will ease up a bit and let the child grow.
I think that just being in the same room with DH is great, we do not always have to talk or interact, just sitting quietly is peaceful! Doing things around the house together CAN be fun too.
I just realized, some days DH and I do not have any conversations! LOL We have 'good morning baby' and 'goodnight baby' and maybe a bit of small talk some days. Other days we have catchup time and just laze in bed! It seems to balance out OK.
I think, maybe, getting more involved with SKid might help your relationship with BF, I really cannot say for sure but I wish you much more joy than you have right now.
When you do initiate a conversation is it always about this topic? You know, that can get old and he will tune you out...I would! Have you tried discussing other subjects with him? Or commenting on how good something is? Some people respond better to more positive approaches. If you've tried all that, and if you are usually a cheerfully optimistic sort of person then I can only suggest that you do what's best for YOU!