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Not the best weekend

holly5692's picture

So it hasn't been the best weekend. The last several have been amazing since I've gone hands off with just about everything. And I expect that not every weekend will be golden--I just want to vent.

I dare say, I was quite pissed at my husband today. I'm shocked to write the words myself. I really just don't get pissed at him often, and I typically respect him as a parent. But this weekend I was just like WTF.

We did some shuffling of things around our house since the last time the kids were over, and we now have the bigger bedroom. The kids (four altogether when all are here) tend to take over common spaces, so we gave ourselves a better space to retreat to. So all weekend he's hid up in our bedroom with me. I'm super sick, likely with strep (so not going for an ER visit on the weekend), so I didn't go to work and was just resting. That means every time I start to doze off I've got a kid (not mine) coming to ask a question. That means, while they took over the entire downstairs for the weekend, it was fucking trashed. Just a bunch of little things. Only my 16 year old daughter was home this weekend, but she spent a lot of time with her bestie and wasn't around. Finally this afternoon I said, "Maybe your kids would like it if you spent more than five minutes with them?" Because if he would have been present with them and left me the hell alone to rest and nap while not feeling well, he would've been on top of garbage and wrappers getting tossed on the floor, dirty dishes in the living room and so on. 

He did make them clean it up, but I was still mopping floors and helping put my home back to rights this morning, while all I wanted to do was lay back down. I'm wiped. It's like get up for 15 minutes and do something, sit down and rest, get back up again. 

Ok, that is all. Thanks for listening.

 

theoldredhen's picture

Aw, Hon!

It's so awful, being sick and feeling neglected. Not that it will improve your outlook, but once your DH had the kids clean up their mess, he would have considered the problem solved and his duty fulfilled. The need for additional jobs, like mopping floors, would never have occurred to him. 

Men often require a metaphorical brick upside the head before they grasp what’s needed. You have to spell it out. Hope you feel better soon! Smile

holly5692's picture

Yeah, I know you're right. I was just frustrated. He and I talked it out today and he apologized. He did want to help me, but my demeanor probably suggested I wanted nothing of the sort because I was mad haha. Thanks for chiming in <3

SeeYouNever's picture

Strep is pretty rough. I once had it on a weekend that we had SD 13 and the in-laws. I had to tell everyone so many times that I was sick, it's like they don't even believe you and think you're faking it to get out of spending time.  If my husband was liek yours if ask him why have his kids over at all if he doesn't want to spend time with them??

holly5692's picture

Yeah, I don't often get so sick that I'm completely down and out like that. Saturday I didn't get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and call in to work. I was just barely moving around a little more on Sunday, but had to take lots of rests in between things. And I just.wanted.to.be.left.alone! Like, honey, I love you, but please go the fuck away and mind your children FFS. LOL. Things are better and patched up now though.

Maxwell09's picture

Sorry you felt bad....even more sorry you'd DH didn't take initiative and keep the kids from bothering you and destroying your house while you tried to recover. 

holly5692's picture

Thank you. He rectified it. Sometimes he doesn't always know all of the things, but if I speak up, he gets it. 

theoldredhen's picture

 If there is one thing that I've learned about relationships with men, it's that one must SPEAK UP! For the most part, subtlety is lost on them.

 

SteppedOut's picture

Strep is contagious. Why even allow the kids anywhere near you?

And eff him for not letting you rest and leaving the house in a state and then letting you clean? Seriously he should have said, "oh wow, no my kids, my mess. You are sick, please let me do this." Sulking away because he is "scared of your angry demeanor" is a lame excuse. 

holly5692's picture

For one, I didn't know I was coming down with anything until late Friday. I hadn't slept well the night before, so I thought I was just tired from that. The kids were already here. And kids coming to my room to pop their heads in is annoying, but I don't think they're going to catch anything from me by standing in the doorway, several feet away. I also washed my hands frequently anytime I was outside of my bedroom for this reason. 

Second, I'm a little offended that you want to paint my husband this way. Don't lump him in with some of the other shitty partners mentioned in this forum. I have more respect for myself than to be with someone like that. He cares about being a good partner and typicaly has quite a bit of self awareness. He is only human like the rest of us though. Upon me actually using my words and saying what was wrong, he immediately apologized and rectified the situation. No arguing about it, just simply, "I'm sorry, babe. You're right. I should have x, y & z instead."

In the moment when I wrote this post, yes, I was very angry. I was looking to vent. It gave me a moment to get that anger out so I could speak to him more thoughtfully about it. I am also only human. This one single instance I have wrote about is not reflective of our day to day lives.