New and needing help
I am in need of help!! My fiance and I have been together for about 15 months and are suppose to get married in two months. I have two biological sons (ages 6 and 9) and he has two daughters and a son (ages 10, 7 and 6). My sons have great dad who do a lot of things with them and are very involoved in their lives, fiance's kids don't have a mother figure as she took off about 5 years ago to go deeper into her addiction. His kids and I have always gotten along great, if fact they started calling me mom in December after their dad and I got engaged. Finace has told me on more than one occasion how glad he is that I came into their lives. Here comes the issue. I moved into his home about two months ago and life has gone downhill. His youngest children test boundaries, but there are young so we just role with the punches, but his oldest daughter (10) continues to lie and defy me at every turn since I moved in. She tell her grandmother huge lies like I am hitting her with a belt and I don't let her do anything. Fiance's mother is siding with child and has said on a few occasion what a mean witch I am. The problem is that I am the structure where he and his family are not. I have set bedtimes, set mealtimes and rules about chores and cleaning. I don't mind the kids having fun, but I don't think that they should be able to go to sleep whenever they want, eat whenever they want and do whatever they want. That is kind of how they got into the situation of dirty house, poor health and sleeping where ever they fell. Fiance is very wishy washy and doesn't really support me when it comes to his family and there accusations. He has told them that I would never and have never struck the kids, but he does tell me that I am too mean. SOOO I started backing off. Not being as strict about some things. The issue I have is that I am NOT going to bend on these issues with my kids and I don't want my own children to resent me because they have to follow rules and his kids don't. On top of that his daughter is still kissing my butt to my face and when I am not there she is lying and manipulating to everyone else about me. I am so lost and I am not sure I can go through with this wedding even though I love my fiance more than anything.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Agreed, and this is coming
Agreed, and this is coming from someone whose first wedding anniversary was in May and Im now separated. Fix this before you get married.
Right. This echoes my
Right. This echoes my situation and my opinions on specific areas. My biggest issue is that where SO says it's gonna be this way or that she's not going to allw the girl to throw fits to get her way, she constantly loses backbone in these cases and seta me to be the badguy. But the bad guy is the one who cleans up the messes (toys, spilt milk)when the daughter runs the house.
I worry that it'll just get worse, and that time will create too many elephants in rooms.
But I LOVE LOVE LOVE SO so much that for now I am willing to compromise, even if compromise is mostly giving in.
Rules are rules and apply to
Rules are rules and apply to every child in the home equally regardless of which gene pool they spring from.
Bedtime is bedtime, cleanliness is cleanliness, respect is respect and all kids should be held equally accountable for compliance with the rules.
It is time to give your FH absolute clarity about this and extract his blood oath that he will enforce the rules with his children.
If he does not like how you discipline his kids then he had better get it done before you have to.
He also better NEVER undermine you with the kids or his family EVER.
You should let him know in no uncertain terms that you will have him by the twig and giggle berries if he does not come to absolute clarity on these issues immediately.
If he is intellectually incapable of gaining clarity ..... take your kids and go before you have to file for divorce.
Best regards.