First of all, I'm not exactly a stepmom. However I've been with my fiance for over 10 years and we live together in the house I've owned for years, so close enough. We're both in our mid 50s and both have adult children, none who live with us. I have one married, educated but a little sensitive 30 year old daughter (with 2 boys, 3 1/2 & 18 mos.) and one 29 y.o. son, also educated, who's kind of a loner type. Two of my fiance's kids are super-preppy outgoing but "snotty" types - one single educated 28 y.o. son living with a girlfriend for about 6 years and one recently married educated 25 y.o. daughter. His other son, who's 22 is uneducated but working and sort of a misfit type, but being "trained" by his older siblings to become like them (snotty). My problem is that even though my fiance and I have been together for over 10 years and truly love each other, our kids do not seem to like each other at all. I work every Thanksgiving so I have my dinner on the weekend after every year. I invite all the kids and their mates if they have one. I do the same for Easter and usually at least once during the summer. It's always the same. My fiance's kids dominate the conversation amongst themselves, always talking LOUDLY about things that interest them only, and totally ignore my kids and sometimes me (but I can be loud, too). I get along with them fine when my kids aren't around (at other occasions during the year) but when it's all of us together, it's very uncomfortable. Today my daughter tried very hard to get in on their conversations with little success. She congratulated my fiance's oldest son 3 times on his new job and he totally ignored her. She asked his younger son about going to college and he basically just shrugged his shoulders. She did talk to my fiance's daughter, but as usual, his daughter just bragged about her new husband's rich friend giving them $150-a-bottle wine to drink (she always brags about something). I heard the whole conversation. My daugher told me that none of my fiance's kids look at her at all when they do talk to her. Sometimes they do that to me as well, so I know she's not imagining it. My son must have been really fed up because he just left right after eating his meal. It seems none of my fiance's kids said anything to him at all, not even hello. And being the loner he is and the experience he's had with them for over 10 years, he didn't say anything either. He's given up. I walked him out the door and felt so bad that I began to cry. After that it was all down hill. I tried to feel better but it bothered me the rest of the day. After everyone left, I laid into my fiance about his kids' behavior being the cause of my son leaving. At first he didn't agree and we had an argument. I didn't say anything for quite awhile and the phone rang. It was my daughter. At that point I hadn't realized how upset she was because she acted fine at my house. Apparently, though, she was burning inside because she basically told me that if my fiance's kids are ever invited to my house for dinner or anything again, she and her family will not be there. He husband even told her that my fiance's kids' noses were so far up in the air that they're scratching the ceiling, or something to that affect. I had no idea my son-in-law felt that way. He's the type that very rarely says anything bad about anyone (he's a high school teacher). So I know my kids are not imagining all this about my fiance's kids. After I got off the phone with my daughter, I decided to tell my fiance what she said. At first he argued in favor of his kids saying mine were over-sensitive, but after awhile he agreed that his kids can be snotty and that he doesn't like that about them. I was actually surprised that he admitted that. Now it looks like today was the last combined family dinner. I refuse to put myself through this emotional turmoil because of our kids not liking each other. I'm not even blaming all of this on my fiance's kids. My kids are at fault for letting the others get to them. I wish they had more spunk sometimes and were able to stop my fiance's kids from monopolizing the conversation somehow. I don't think my kids are aggressive enough and that bothers me, too, but at least they're not rude. They wouldn't ignore someone if they were spoken to. I appreciate any comments anyone has. Thanks for listening. I still have a headache, but I feel a little better just from typing all this. Oh, one more thing about my fiance's daughter's character - she got married in September and still has not sent out thank-you cards and probably never will. That's another story. In brief, my kids went to her out-of-state wedding, had to pay to get there, pay for a hotel room and a gift, were totally ignored at the reception and have not received a thank-you. So that contributed to the bad karma today as well. Again, I look forward to any and all comments. Thank you and sorry this is so long.