Need some input
Hi ladies. I was hoping to get some input to see if I am not completely crazy.
A week ago, DH sat SS down and brought up the idea of seeing a professional to work out his feelings. SS immediately said no and refused to give an inch.
DH did not share my idea of mutual disengagement to SS because he did not like it. Instead, he tries to plead with SS to see what he can do to make SS happy. I am not joking. I was really angry when DH told me he did that.
And these are SS’s “demands”.
First, for two weekends a month DH needs to stay in SS’s town with DH’s mother because SS says it’s not fair he needs to waste weekend time driving and my kid’s don’t.
Second, DH needs to drive down to SS’s town twice a week and have dinner with SS. DH already does this almost once a week.
Third, the dog needs to be given to someone else because it’s not fair that my kids will spend more time with him. And the DH needs to bring the puppy with him when he comes to SS’s town for the two weekends.
Fourth, only SS can call DH “Dad”. This really bugs me because SS calls his stepfather “Dad” at his BM’s house. The double standard is annoying but I will tell my kids to call DH by his first name from now on.
I have several issues with some of these demands. As it is, I barely see DH when SS visits because SS demands alone time. But at least we get nights together. We work long hours in the week and I really look forward to weekends with him. I can’t believe I am expected to be ok with not seeing him at all for two entire weekends a month. And he even wants to take the puppy with him? I told DH I would not be happy with this.
As for the second “demand”, I told DH to go ahead and do it. But I made it clear to him that he is not allowed to complain to me about how tired he is from all the driving. And eating out so often means that the small raise he recently got will basically be used up for gas and food.
This third demand I have a big problem with. It is not my kids’ fault DH got the dog without anticipating SS’s reaction. They are in love with the puppy and have been completely responsible about looking after him so far. I will not allow them to get broken hearted by losing the puppy.
This Valentine ’s Day weekend was awful because of the puppy. SS was monopolizing the puppy and refusing to let my kids play with him. It was just non-stop fighting. And even though DH tried to make a romantic breakfast Sunday, I could not enjoy it because of the constant yelling.
And SS ripped a large hole in his room’s wallpaper last weekend. So when he got here this weekend, DH confronted him. SS says that it ripped when the suitcase that DH makes him carry pulled on the wallpaper and ripped it. This makes DH feel guilty and says it’s ok. No consequences at all.
And this is the most ridiculous thing. My DD loves taking photos of food and flowers and shares them on instagram. That is all I allow her to post and she is very good at it. Well, I guess SS follows her. And he saw that DH made pizza and burgers for us for two nights. When he got here, he wanted DH to make the exact same things. Even though I already bought groceries for tacos and a roast beef dinner.
And what does DH do? He rushes out and buys ingredients for the pizza and burgers. My kids and I were so bored eating the exact same thing within a few days. And this is the best part. DH made the pizza Saturday night and accidentally left it in the oven a bit too long. It was very slightly charred but it was still delicious. But SS pouted and said that it wasn’t as good as the one we had. I was about to speak up at this point but DH was already apologizing to SS and telling him that he would bring a better pizza to him during the week. I was speechless.
Then he gets annoyed at DD for even taking a picture in the first place. I told him that I would make DD block SS in instagram but DH said no, that would only make SS upset. I then told DH that DD will continue posting pictures and I will not limit her. He said fine, he would just make the same meals when SS shows up. So in the end, my kids and I are still being affected as much as I try to not to care.
I told DH he was creating a monster but DH was sad and said he didn’t want to lose his son. Am I completely off by thinking my DH’s actions and SS’s demands are insane?