A stressful weekend
I spent my entire weekend watching DH run around like a headless chicken. I am not kidding, this is how his weekend went down.
On Friday, DH picks up SS from school. SS falls asleep in the car the whole 90 min ride to our house. When he wakes up he asks DH where his science project is. Turns out DH forgot to pickup SS’s project that is due Monday.
DH is very frustrated but promises SS he will get it on Saturday. Saturday morning DH drives back to BM’s house for nearly 2 hours because of traffic. Once he gets there, no one is answering the door. So he waits for nearly an hour before she gets back and lets him get the stuff. Another two hours of driving later he is back. During this whole time SS is pissed off and taking it out on my kids. I had to physically separate them. SS takes the puppy and locks himself in his room. He completely ignored me when I asked him to let me in. I was so angry.
And let me just remind you ladies that DH has not yet talked to SS about not giving in to his demands from last week. So this was just SS at normal angst level.
DH gets back equally pissed off and swearing. I look at the bean plants that SS was supposed to be growing as part of his experiment. They are all wilting, even the supposed “healthy” one. I give DH a “uh oh” look. You should have seen him running around the house trying to find ways to perk up the plants. It was exactly how I would picture a headless chicken. It would have been funny if it weren’t for the mother of all screaming that SS did when he saw the plants. I actually had to take my kids and leave. I didn’t even get to tell DH about how SS completely disrespected me by locking himself in his room and not listening to me.
DH finally texted me to let me know that SS had calmed down. When we got back DH was gloomily finishing up SS’s project while SS took a nap. He convinced SS that plants will get better overnight.
I had been so ready to bring out my inner-bitch like Sally suggested and take a stand against the meal situation. Instead, I couldn’t deal with the stress in the house and ate the tacos like a coward. Even then, SS bitched about them, making DH feel bad. And again, DH has still not addressed SS’s demands from last week.
Sunday morning comes and three of the plants are dead. DH thinks it might have been the heat in the car. SS can’t do the final measurements and blames DH completely. I suggest extrapolating the existing data and making the best scientific guess for the final measurement. SS gets angry and says that’s not allowed, despite me being a teacher and dealing with similar projects all the time. I shared my thoughts and left them to it.
In the end, DH promised to talk to SS’s teacher and take full blame for the plants. I know we will have hell to pay here if SS does not get his usual A.
I talked to DH about the demands situation and DH said he will bring it up to SS during his weekday visit instead. Apparently SS has gone through enough. It felt a bit dramatic to say that over a few bean plants.
I went to work today exhausted. This is not how weekends should be. I always feel emotionally drained after SS leaves. I understand all of these issues are of DH’s own doing but SS’s attitude is definitely not helping. It feels really unfair to me.
And I forgot to mention that DH did actually make another pizza and drove it to SS for his weekday visit.
End of rant.
"a psychopath who won't be
"a psychopath who won't be able to hold down a job let alone drive a car."
hey, stop talking about ASS!!
LOLOL!
I hope DH removes his head
I hope DH removes his head from the sand soon before what you say actually happens.
Either the lock on the door,
Either the lock on the door, or the whole door, needs to come off of SS's bedroom. No way should he be able to lock an adult out of his room, especially when he has the puppy with him.
Yes, the lock should come
Yes, the lock should come off. What he did was really unacceptable. DH agrees. But he barely even disciplined SS for it because SS was upset the whole weekend anyway. I cannot understand this man.
Remove the door from the
Remove the door from the bedroom so he can't lock himself in.
Then call your dh out and demand he grow a pair
Failing that explain to him that you will not tolerate the behaviour and will be leaving and he can see none of his kids from now on
End of
Yea, the pizza thing.. He
Yea, the pizza thing..
He promised SS last week he would make him another pizza because the one he made at our house was slightly burned.
thanks
thanks
Why didn't SS ride with Dad
Why didn't SS ride with Dad to go get the project? Kid's project, kid's responsibility start to finish.
Yes, Dad murdered the plants. Without proper transport and temp/wind/light changes control, kid would have murdered them himself on the journey. Young plants are temperamental little buggers. Anyway...
The door and ignoring you thing? Just my two cents, but you should have a locksmith come if you couldn't manage getting that door either opened or off the hinges or, h*ll, kicked in yourself. So the little turd spent five hours all snug and smug behind his locked door? :O
I realize you want Dad to do the discipline and consequences role, and most times the actual parent should be doing it. However you need to do it yourself at certain times when it's on your shift and affecting the whole household including the d*mn dog.
I didn't have a problem with
I didn't have a problem with DH driving because he screwed up. SS told him before that the project needed to be picked up. DH still forgot.
But I wasn't happy that DH was helping finish the project simply because SS wasn't happy.
I really don't want to involve myself int the discipline. SS does not respect me and I don't want to deal with him. I am trying a milder form of disengagement like some of you ladies have suggested.
But I agree, he was keeping the dog with him for almost two hours. That was extremely unacceptable.
Something has got to give
Something has got to give with your DH.
When we moved into our house,
When we moved into our house, I immediately took out older doorknobs with locks from SDs rooms and replaced with new, unlockable knobs.
DP asked me about it. All I said, was, "I am replacing the doorknobs."
It's really easy to do once you've done it once.
No kid under age 18 will have ever have a locking door in my house.
And your DH did SS's project FOR him?
And SS complained?
Oh no. I would be so disengaged so fast. LET your DH do it all. Let him. Don't say anything. Don't cook for SS, don't clean up, nothing. Do not comment. Do not offer to help with anything. Let your DH do it.
This is sort of similar to my early experiences with SDs, but like combining both of them into one concentrated form.
I haven't actually brought up
I haven't actually brought up removing the door locks. I think I should do as you say and do it quietly.
Yes, DH was pasting the cutouts on the board for SS. I already don't do much for SS. DH does all cooking. Which kind of annoys me because I have to eat the same thing over and over.
Then tell DH that you don't
Then tell DH that you don't want to eat that again. That you want him to make you something else.
When he gets upset point out to him that if it's okay for SS do demand certain food then its okay for you too.
When he says that SS is a child, ask him why it's okay for him to bow down to a childs demands but not yours.
"When we got back DH was
"When we got back DH was gloomily finishing up SS’s project while SS took a nap."
I had a hard time continuing after reading this. No no no no. DH should NOT be doing SS schoolwork.
Great.. I'm a teacher and I
Great.. I'm a teacher and I pity the poor teacher having to deal with this kid every year. He is so used to being catered for he is being groomed to become narcissistic where they refuse to take responsibility for their life, let alone have any decent problem solving skills.
Actually I have to say that
Actually I have to say that SS is an excellent student. Straight As and very well-behaved in school. And I say this as a teacher.
As a SM however, he is completely different at home lately.
This was the first time that DH did SS's assignment. I am going to chalk it up to extenuating circumstances. But if he does it again he will be hearing from me. At least he was only pasting cutouts and wasn't writing the stuff out I guess.
Sally, I love your
Sally, I love your posts!!!
LOLOLOLOL!
I'm seriously having a hard
I'm seriously having a hard time reading your updates due to the ridiculous behaviour your DH is presenting.... ugh.
Might I be so bold as to suggest something? Take back control of your life and your home. NOW. You are going to need to do this as your DH is not going to. That door would have been off the hinges if I were you. Your DH would hear some choice words if I were you. Your SS would hear some choice words if I were you. I'm not saying be mean to them, but present the realities of the situation in a mature and logical way and at the very least, your DH, if he has a brain, will have to acknowledge what you say is true. This situation is getting absolutely f'n ridiculous and I seriously never thought I would say that after the beginning of all of this drama. I thought it was going to get better but it is getting worse and I'm sorry to say, but it is all on your DH.
Hi Goldie, Let's hope your
Hi Goldie,
Let's hope your partial disengagement works... I think it's good that DH is running around like this. Eventually, he will come to the conclusion that this is rediculous. Eventually, SS will go too far and DH is going to get mad at him.
YOU cannot be in the middle, or this will never happen. It is more comfortable for them to be angry at you then angry at eachother, so you need to remove yourself from the equation.
I agree with folks about taking your kids elsewhere on those weekends. Just tell hubby, you deserve some restful weekends, and SS is rattling your nerves. Don't feel bad about dividing and conquering. I've done this many times, and I find that the SKIDS are much nicer when we do stuff as a family if they don't get to do it as often. Take the dog with you.
If DH has the right to drive all over the place for stupid things like burnt pizza, then you're allowed to go wherever you want as well. You can start doing things as a unit when SS stops abusing you and your kids.
Big hugs Goldie, I think you handled the situation quite maturely!