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Need advice/Opinions regarding Delinquent SS14

CalliMay09's picture

SS14 is totally out of control. For the last 6 months he has refused to go to school or do any school work. Now do to Covid and the fact SS14 has ADHD and a IEP in place in school the school has been more than Accommodating and has bent over backwards trying to get SS14 back on track. Now the school finally I think has finally had it with SS14. SS14 has refused tutors, ADHD Coaches, teacher help etc and now failing every class. The school has contacted the bios and said SS14 will have to go to summer school. Here is the problem. SS14 has flat out refused saying no way in hell am I going. 

Now SS14 is with BM on the days summer school is so it's going to fall on her to get him there. Now DH has talked to SS14 and SS14 is digging his heals in and refusing to go. So here are my questions

1. Our state requires teens to go to school till 16. So if SS14 refuses to go to summer school and/or refuses to repeat 8th grade then what? What Legal action will the school do and to who? 

2. If BM can't not physically get SS14 to school because he refuses legally could DH also be responsible? Could DH get into trouble also if SS14 refuses to go to school when he is with BM?

I'm trying to figure out if this is going to come back and bite DH in the ass if BM can't get SS14 to school?


LittleCloud9's picture

Where I live they have truancy laws and a teen could end up in front of a judge. A friend of mine had to go to court as a teen because of too many unexcused absences. If it doesn't get that bad he still may find himself getting expelled and sent to a school for, shall we say "problem kids." If he doesn't like school now just wait til he's with the really rough crowd. 
At least that's the way it goes in my area. What sort of consequences at home is SS facing because of his failure to cooperate?

notsurehowtodeal's picture

There are some areas where the parents end up in trouble if the kid doesn't go to school - as in they can end up arrested. You need to research your local laws for something like this. What consequences does your DH give SS when he refuses to do his schoolwork?

ndc's picture

The schools where I live would likely put him in a school refusal program. He'd be enrolled in a special school for troubled kids (that all the school districts in our county feed into) and they would literally pick him up in the morning. He'd get counseling at school; it'd be treated as a mental health issue. The parents would not get in trouble as long as they cooperated.  Your DH should talk to the school and figure out what their process is.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Best bet is to contact the school and find out what the next step is if SS refuses to attend. Because he has an IEP they have to have a special meeting to determine if his behavior is related to his disability before taking any disciplinary action against him.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

What have the parents outlined as the alt to summer school?  Does SS14 think that he will be spending the summer lounging around, on social media and gaming?  The bios have to explain that its summer school or Rags chore boy summer.  The first thing I'd do is switch off all data and wifi access.  No school = no internet.

notarelative's picture

Non attendance has been a problem during Covid and increased numbers of students assigned to summer school is the result. The school has sent the parent the summer school letter. Is SS automatically enrolled or does a parent then have to enroll him? Here, while the school recommends summer school, if the parent does not enroll him, non enrollment is taken as agreement to repeat the grade. 

I agree that DH should contact the school. He should explain that he has talked to his son, the son is with his mom on school days, and that his son is saying that he will refuse to go. DH should find out what the likely consequences will be in the fall if the child continues to refuse so that he can explain them to SS.

SS has refused to go to school for months. What has he been doing all day when he should have been in school? 


CalliMay09's picture

SS14 logs onto all his classes from BM's house BUT that's about it. SS14 refuses to do any school work and just sits there or Goofs off. BM will have to go Register him for summer school it's not Automatic. SS14 Attitude is I'm not doing it because it's not "fun" and no one can make me. The problem is BM has full custody and Babies SS14 because he has a "mental disaster" and its not his fault. DH only gets SS14 on the weekends and it's hard to Discipline SS14 when BM refuses and has no Consequences for SS14 crappy behavior. DH also has no control over what goes on at BM's house during the school week. 

LittleCloud9's picture

If she has full custody then she'll be the one that gets in trouble not your DH. I don't know if you have any wish to get custody but academic failure is the sort of thing that can get used against a parent in family court. She really should be more concerned 

Rags's picture

I applaud strict enforcement of attendence, work completion, and skills mastery.  Truency laws should be strictly enforced and there needs to be a 3 strikes style guideline that force repeating an entire year, etc, etc, etc, etc...... 

Even with Covid, I am hoping that they actually fail the kids who do not meet the requirements for advancement.

Lather................. rinse................... repeat. 

Tenn9lov's picture

I am sorry you are going through this. I've worked in level VI & V EBD programs for 15 years. It is good that SS14 has an IEP in place. If the school offers an EBD program, I'd check into it. These programs are very beneficial to both the student and the parent. Your student will be assigned a case worker. The case worker will develop a plan specific to the student. Students are assigned a social worker and school psychologist. These programs are designed to help the student succeed academically as well to address the social and behavioral issues the student may have. If the student refuses to go to school, the program administrator along with the case worker and social worker will work with the county truancy officer to see that the student makes it to school. If the student still refuses to go to school, the student may be placed in juvenile detention (generally this is on the weekends and after the courts get involved). Sometimes school is very overwhelming for students, especially after the crazy year we've all had. These programs offer small class sizes and more one to one attention. It may just be exactly what your SS needs. Unfortunately, I've found over the years that we can't always count on the parent(s). This may be the case with BM. However, students can succeed even with a lousy parent(s). Good luck.