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Age kids “typically” turn the corner if they are going to???

CalliMay09's picture

What I mean is around what age is a kids Behavior/Mannerism pretty much unlikely to change?

SS just turned 14. SS14 has NO interest in any sports/hobbies. SS14 is totally unInterested in any kind of music/ popular tv shows or anything else a normal 14 yr old would like. SS14 has no interest in leaning to ride a bike or any outside activities. Basically all SS14 does is play ONE type of video game/ watch classic Slapstick comedy like Benny hill or the three stooges and follow DH around. SS14 has really no interest in hanging out with kids his own age and prefers to hang all over DH. So Totally annoying! SS14 HATES school and failing most of his classes. 
 

So I guess my question is at 14 is SS likely to change? At around what age do kids start to care about school or at least know they need to do the work without a huge fight? 

 

nengooseus's picture

There really isn't a magical age, in my opinion.  It really depends on the kid and the situation they're in...  If your DH has 100% custody and SS is still like this at 14, there's an issue.  If he only has EOWE, it might not be.  If BM is toxic or overprotective or something like it, that could explain some of the behavior.  Is there a chance it would fix?  Not organically, in all likelihood.  Are his parents strong parents and he's just weird?  Then he could be fine, but God knows when.

There are a lot of kids not interested in the outside or riding bikes or TV or all the things that we thin of as "normal."  Change in kids (or anyone, really) is about making them want to change.

 

Step2278's picture

Excellent post- I'm going to follow this one for sure. My SS13 is the same and I'm absolutely dying to know if the way he acts/relates to the world is his age OR his personality OR both (likely). My DH will say that SS is just a quirky person but then will blame his stupidity on his age. Can't have it both ways! Either way I've made it VERY clear that at 18 he is out- either in college full time or working full time but regardless- he WILL launch. 

Rags's picture

Though ... 22 is not always how it turns out.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

It really depends I think on the level of enabling. I was 17 when I started to grow up. But I was in college and on my own and it made me have to grow up.

My younger brother who was coddled and enabled his whole life was 40 before he even started to grow up. Hence why his daughter lives with me and always has. He wanted to play grown up but didnt want the responsibility that came with being a grown up. 

Guilfoyle's picture

I'm usually until they get asked to leave home. They will usually grow up pretty quick then once they have to do things for themselves, pay bills etc

weightedworld's picture

Wicked Stepmom is right - it depends on the enabling that takes place during those lovely years.

My oldest brother graduated, married, and joined the Military all in a months time and never returned well and doing very well with wife and kids. I was out at 19 with purchase of my own home, doing well with kids and a mortgage. Our youngest brother on the other hand is 29 has 3 kids with 3 different woman and has custody (how the hell did that happen (he actually manipulated and pushed the bms until they caved and gave up)) and still living under my parents roof with the 2 while 3 bm has their daughter and he has yet to give a shit to fight for her like the last 2. 

He goes out as he pleases, has no bills because they are covered by my parents. He drives their vehicles because with all of his fines and tickets he's received he requires SR22 insurance and can't afford it as he works when he needs money to party because as I stated he has no bills. His oldest is 8 and has no respect for him as my parents are who have raised him. But he's a 'good dad' and a 'good person' and gets highly offended when told otherwise. I love discussing how when mom and dad die he is receiving all their goods and has it all planned out. 

Just goes to show even though we can all be raised the same we each walk our own paths in life and how the hell did our parents get so off the beaten path with that f*cker is beyond me. They screwed up, BIG time, and will pay for it dearly for the rest of their lives. 

ArtVandalay's picture

idk in my experience so far (SS12) I only see certain traits just getting more ingrained.  I do believe a certain trajectory is set by 5 or 6 if not earlier.