In Need Of Advice*
Hello everyone Im new to this site, and since I found it its been a blessing. Let me start off telling you abit about myself Im 28 years old engaged to a wonderful man whom is still married. No I didnt come between he and his ex, tho I thought when we started dating he was almost done with his divorce. Come to find out in our state you have to wait a year to even file thats what he tells me anyways. So onto the whole skids and BM the kids are horrible horrible children, and I have alway loved children. They are rude to me and come into MY home and run it, they very rarely call their father if he is out of town on work. When we are home they are always there and I feel like the guest. The BM sends me emails texts saying that she loves my FH and that she left him but now wants him back. That he still calls texts sends her money ( well more than the CS)tho he says he isnt and I do trust him. He isnt by the courts set to send anything but he is just to cover his butt. Well I dont like his children at all and he gets mad at me 4 expressing how I feel. But with all the drama that comes with this Im almost ready just to give up. But I feel if I do she is winning getting what she wants. But I also in turn feel alot of resentment toward him for bringing all this into my life, I know its not all him I chose him and knew it there were going 2b children involved and I was fine with that. But what I didnt know was the ex and the lies that the kids tell.His daughter has even went so far as to smack me in the mouth and tell me J you are getting on my nerves, it took all I had in me not to go 10 kinds of crazy on this kid. I tell FH and he kinda chuckles which piss me off to no end. It seems I have bitten off more than I could chew. But on the same token I dont think I can live without this man in my life. Other than the skids and BM we have NO arguments. Plz Plz someone tell me what I can do b4 I go insane???????
What?
I feel for you Fubar. If any child (bio or skids) smacked me...oh, there would be hell to pay for sure. How old are the kids?
"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it." Dorothy Parker US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)
I totally hear you!
I myself have a similar situation, although I am not engaged as of yet, and my boyfriend is divorced. I knew that he had kids, but I had no idea of the way they would end up treating me.. they have no respect. It's tough, yet we deal with it to be with the man we love. Can you tell us how old the kids are, how long you two have been together, ect?
As for the BM, I'm coming to realize that 99.9% of them are just plain asses. They do what they can to ruin the relationship the man they lost has.. at any cost. It's a never ending battle, and I'm learning from the gals here that the best way to deal with the BM, is to NOT deal with her at all. They also like to say "not my kid, not my problem" which I think is a great way to be. We all want to have an easy, calm, stress free life, but when there's skids & a crazy BM involved, it makes it rough.
With that being said, Welcome to ST!! This is a great site and I'm sure you'll love all the support these great women have to offer!
Yeah the Fskids are 12 11
Yeah the Fskids are 12 11 and 10..They already have the demenor (sp?) you arent my mother therefore I dont have to listen to you. We have been living together for 6 months. We met when he was in my town working he actually installed my cable..LoL..Love the saying not my kids not my problems but the problem with that is he asks me what i think i tell him and sh!t hits the fan.
I've been dating a man for
I've been dating a man for the last year with a S12 & D11 and I have a BS15. It can be very trying to say the least. Fortunately, my boyfriend and I have agreed that communication is the key to making this work. If he asked me what I thought and then acted liked my opinion didn't matter, I'd have to re-think everything I'm doing. I think this man needs to take some responsibility for his children and have a little more respect for you.
"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it." Dorothy Parker US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)
let her win.
Step back and let her win. When she wins what does she have? He is going to chuckle when his kd slaps you in the mouth and you complain about it? You can live without him and ask your self is this the way that you want to live? If one of my Skds ever slapped me we would have a come to Jesus meeting and they would be out of my house permanently. You already know some of how bad it's going to be so you need to think about this some more before you get married to him. BTW why are they at your house instead of BF house?
Wow...
I know if my SS smacked me in the mouth his lil butt would get it...by me and his dad...you don't ever laugh that off...next time could be worse...you may want to think everything thru very carefully before making any decisions...luckily my husband told me from day 1 that if my SS acts up then smack his butt for it...I've only spanked im 2 times in the last 3 years...and he knows that when I go to counting that he is gonna get it...my DH is very big on SS5 learning his manners and respect...
They are at my house bc we
They are at my house bc we live together we moved in together 4 months ago. Thanks for all the advice so far you all are amazing ppl.
I have some of the same issues..
Skids are 12(boy) and 14(girl), the girl is pretty good, just some issues about how she thinks her mother should be here, not me. I can deal with that. But as for the boy, he is bipolar/ADD.. he is violent and has hit me before.(I do NOT see this as an excuse for his behavior.. although boyfriend kinda does) I also get the "your not my mom" bull crap. It's irritating. I do NOT spank them, if I did I think the BM would have me locked the hell up. She's just that kind of person. HER kids do NO wrong and that's all she sees. Plus, of course she hates me, so I'm betting she loves when they disrespect me. I've been dealing with this for 2 yrs, I love my boyfriend very much, thus being the only reason I am still here. I would just weigh it out and see if this guy is REALLY worth your time & energy. The girls are right when they say that it gets worse before it gets better..
The way BM wins is by you
The way BM wins is by you giving her an audience. Block her email address, don't take her calls, don't engage her in any way, shape or form. When you listen to her and read her emails, you are, in effect, validating her and urging her on. Whatever communication needs to be done should take place between her and the children's father. Period. You should have zero contact with the BM.
Like I'm so fond of saying, love is great and all, but it's nothing without respect. How much does this man really love you if he, through his behavior, is teaching his children to treat you with disrespect?! Your problem is not the skids and not the BM. Your problem is your fiance.
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥