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Parenting SD - need help!!

TheBlindside's picture
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It’s been a tough weekend - SD18 has been at college for a semester and getting abit homesick after New Years - so we went to see her and it did. It honwell. She has been really selfish of late - stating that she’ll ask DH to change the will so our (jointly owned home) can go to her, she’s been very ungrateful and obnoxious when given expensive birthday presents (because it didn’t have the right brand name). She’s generally inconsiderate, selfish and rude - when she’s challenged she claims it’s a joke. She never picks up after herself and is a real slob - I don’t know why she doesn’t have basic manners.

So, I have had a chat with her to make her aware of how hurtful her comments/jokes are to other people - she needs to develop some insight into the impact her words have and she just seems really immature. She did not take the feedback well at all - it seems that neither parent of anyone else in her family have actually given her any boundaries and when challenged to explain herself she completely crumbled.

She promised DH that she would call him in the evening to discuss it. He text and rand her and there was no reply. He is a complete pushover - didn’t sleep all night for worrying and texting her again today while trying to get through a day of work with no sleep. She can clearly be seen active on social media but is SO passive aggressive that she is ignoring DH - who is getting more and more anxious that she hasn’t rang him. I have tried to talk to him about boundaries and not allowing others to walk all over him - this is not good for DH or for SD. He is very upset - what can I do to help?

I don’t have kids myself. Is it normal for a child of 18 in college to be ringing/texting DH 10 times a day? It seems abit too overprotective and not very healthy for either of them. We have had a chat about letting go and giving more space as children get older - DH is not really understanding this and seems devastated. It’s especially confusing as at Xmas SD had a long list of what she wants but didn’t buy a card or present for DH. She is all take take take and never gives any token of appreciation. When I pointed this out the waterworks started. DH is upset by this as well ‘poor thing she so upset because she takes everyone for granted’ ??!

What should I do next? Advice from any parent or Stepparent would be appreciated x

Aunt Agatha's picture

Disengage. This SD is not a child and her dysfunctional life is your SOs to handle. Stay out of it, do not buy her gifts. Let your DH use his and only his money on her.

He created this monster. You don’t need to deal with her as she is an ‘adult.’

Rags's picture

Give her a lecture on how right of survivorship works and that she gets shit for nothing unless YOU and DH agree that she does. Other than that... when he goes it all goes to you and if you go first... it all goes to him.

Match her toxicity with a foot to the butt... figuratively speaking of course.

Good luck.