FSD is ungodly rude
Ok this past weekend we got my FH's kids. Well I was looking forward to it all but hell I was going to make the best of it. Everything was going okay we were playing having an uneventful pleasant time with all of them. The FSD was complaining (as usual) about a bump on her head, well we were in the middle of playing cranium (which is too hard for them but my Biokids love it) when she blurts out Fubar I know what happened to my head so I said what sweety she was like you hit me in the head and caused this bump. I was in total shock I never touched your head I responded. She said yeah you did remember just a second ago her dad looks at her and says sissy why would you say such a thing? She was like she did didnt you see her daddy. Well the other kids were like Fubar was with us helping us sculpt how did she hit you. I get furious say F@#k it all and go to my room. Well here she comes knocking on the door her dad sending her into say sorry. I tell her its not good to lie on ppl and lying like that can get me in trouble. The FH comes in and thinks everything is good just bc she says sorry. I for one dont think sorry is enough, I dont want her back around. I express my feeling to him and he says well she is my daughter and is going to be around and if you arent happy then go where you will be. So I get pissed call his mother to come get me I stay with her for a few days. He calls saying Im sorry blah blah bs his mother gets on the phone and gives him a huge tongue lashing. Now he is singing a different tune but honestly am I crazy for thinking that he will change or should I just stay gone for good??? I mean I have tried with his daughter and if she is going to be at my house then I am most certainly not, do any of you believe like me its okay for a rude and unruly child not to be welcomed into our house or is that going to far? Because I feel like if she is going to say things that could inturn get my into trouble then I either need to stay gone or not let her at my house..
Oh crap. That is just
Oh crap. That is just wrong. I dont know what to tell you. I had my sd accuse me of being inappropriate when I was helping her shower once. We had been swimming in the ocean and it was red tide.. She had a TON of red seaweed caught in her hair, it took me 4 times washing it to get it out. I was getting water everywhere.. so while still in my bathsuit (that was a 1 piece) I got in and scrubbed her hair for her.. She told me dh that Frustrated got in the shower w/me and that is WRONG...
Luckily, dh saw all this and said.. She got in there w/her bathing suit because you couldnt get the seaweed out of your hair yourself. She did you a favor. She did nothing wrong and I would drop this if I were you.
That was the LAST time I helped him w/the washing of his children. THE LAST. I wont even go in there if they call him and he is busy. I tell him nope. Stop what you are doing and go see what he/she wants, I am NOT going in there w/them undressed. NEVER going to happen again.
What does this all mean?? I understand where you are coming from.. I know what the solution was for me... but I dont know what the solution is for you. BTW, I was already married at this point for over a year and had been a part of this child's life for almost 3 yrs.
Exactly my FH saw it all
Exactly my FH saw it all too, he was sitting in front of her facing her so he knew I hadnt touched her. This kid can make me just as mad as her mother can. I already told him if I do come back and she comes over she is to stay in the living room and he needs to be so far up MY a$$ that if I open my mouth he can spit out it.Because when she is over all she wants to do is stay right with me.I dont get her she is attached to me at the hip but in a seconds notice lie like he!!.. What is wrong with these children anymore seems to be daughters..His sons loves me he youngest even thanked me for being so nice to him, and that he wanted to stay with us. He cried when we took him home yesterday, so I know Im not a bad person if the two kids out of three like me.
Thank you FrustratedinMA glad to know Im not alone in all this..
You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..
How old is SD?
Not that it's appropriate behavior that should be condoned by your FH at any age, but could be at least explained developmentally given a younger age.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
"If you have never been
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I agree
You can't be alone with this child, ever. Luckily for you this was a lie you could easily disprove. The next one might not be so easy, especially if it comes at a time when your husband is not around. I am convinced they lie for attention, even if it is negative. Once SD10 hit me, then she told my husband I hit her. Even though I am the adult and she is the child and I have never hit anyone, he didn't know who to believe. And of course SD embroidered on the situation, and BM brought it up during custody negotiations and it caused all sorts of problems (BM said she was concerned for SD's safety around me). Something that wasn't even true!
So just be very careful.
Seriously.. All they have
Seriously.. All they have to do is SAY it happened and my life would be ruined.. any of our lives would be ruined.
You could have knocked me over w/a feather when she said that I was wrong and stuff for getting in there and helping her w/her hair. See.. we thought.. Ok.. Frustrated helps w/the girl, dh w/the boy, so that both would be above reproach.. NOPE.. sd wanted to say otherwise, she can deal w/her dad.
If I get angry w/the skids, I will tell them what I want them to hear that is appropriate (I keep my real thoughts on them to myself) and then I remove myself from the room. I never lay a hand on them. The only time I ever forsee myself lifting a finger toward them would be to defend myself if they (like their mother) should assault me first.
Its been 2 yrs since the seaweed incident. She isnt all that much older.. 9 now.. Hope she doesnt need my help in the future. It aint happening.
She is 11 and yeah Im going
She is 11 and yeah Im going to keep myself away from her. I would never hit a kid, I dont even spank my own children. They know their limits and they very rarely step over them, its sad that a child wants to get attention like that.
Have you ever tried having a
Have you ever tried having a one on one conversation with your sd about this? I would be willing to give that a try before I alienated myself from my own home for days at a time.
Perhaps if you took your sd to lunch one day, just the two of you. Approach her as kindly as you can and tell her that you care about her (even if you don't, sometimes you have to fake it until you can make it) and that you always want to have a good relationship with her. Tell her that you sense that she is unhappy or upset with you and ask her if she can tell you why. Give her a safety net and tell her you won't get angry, but you need her to be honest. If she won't talk, ask her specifically about this incident. Tell her that it bothered you and hurt you that she would say something like that, and ask her why. Be specific. Ask her if she does it because she feels like she needs attention. Ask her if she does it because someone (and don't suggest any names) makes her feel as though you might hurt her or be mean to her. Make a pact with her. Tell her that you will *NEVER* lay a hand on her in unkindness no matter what. Ask her that you would appreciate it if she would promise to NEVER accuse you of things that you didn't do. Tell her you won't accuse her of doing things that she didn't do, either.
At 11, you have a good chance of being able to reason with her. But if you go above her head and approach it with her dad, you will likely lose the battle on both fronts.
No matter what, remain calm and collected during the conversation and don't let your anger show through. She's just a kid, and you are at that point in her life where it can take a serious turn for the better or the worse.
And I agree, it is sad when a kid seeks attention in ways like that, but we as parents (even stepparents) have to be part of the solution and not feed it. You will only feed it if you take off when she's around. Don't let an 11 year old get the best of you.
As the cliche goes, you'll attract more flies with honey than vinegar!