Six weeks is not long enough when you get along with your skids!

FDH, FSD13 and FSS9 left this morning to go back home and I have been a mess. I tried so hard to not cry when I said goodbye to them, but i was so choked up I could not even speak. Fss held onto me so tight and so long, sniffling. Fsd hugged me tight and could not look at me. Fdh has to drive 14hrs to bring them back, then will visit his parents on the way back, so I'll be here alone for almost a week. It is so hard to be alone in this big house. It is so quiet and empty? My two cats are even missing them, walking down the hall and wailing.

We had a great summer. We did almost everything that we wanted to do, even though it got cut short. In the years before me, BM let fdh have the kids from the start of the summer till 2 weeks before school started. Last year, my first year with him, we even got the kids a week before school ended. But after last summer, she has been extrememly vindictive. Both kids told her last summer when they got home that they wanted to live with him. The day he dropped them off, BM took fsd phone and we did not hear from them for almost 6 weeks. After that, he would hear from them once every 2 weeks. For Christmas, she held him to the exact lettering of the parenting plan instead of their previous agreement of from when they got out of school till the 3rd. The agreement is horrible, his time started noon on Christmas day. That means he and the kids were in a hotel Christmas night, lunchables were their Christmas dinner. So this for this summer, I warned fdh that BM would be the same and would only let us keep them for the 6 weeks in the plan. He didn't believe me and held hope that she was over what happened last summer. Last Monday he got a text to have them home in a week. So this last week we crammed in the rest of what we had planned as well as school clothes shopping.

Early in the summer fsd asked fdh to get her hair dyed. He said ok. I asked her if BM would be ok with it, she said BM tried to dye it blue twice in the spring but it did not work, so she would be fine with it. So, I took her to my hairdresser and had it dyed her natural color to even everything out and had highlights added in the front. Told her before she went back, we'd get it dyed again cause she wanted it a little darker. So, this week I took her back and had it dyed 1 shade darker. She the decided she did not want the highlights, so it's not just a little darker than her natural color. Along with hair, we did school shopping, took her to a great burger place, cause she loves burgers, for lunch, and ended it with a surpise mani/pedi. We brought her cousin with us who is a year older where she'd have more fun. Not thinking about it at all, I posted pictures in fb and tagged her and her cousin. Later that night we had a get together at our house for the kids and BM called fsd, yelling and screaming, demanding to talk to fdh. When he got on the phone, she gave him the same tongue lashing. That he did not clear it with her and so on. That I ruined her hair. To be honest, it looks really good, better than the first hairstyle this summer. And fsd LOVES it.

Fsd then went through my pictures on fb and liked any and all of them that had me and her in them to piss her mom off more. I told her that she should not go out of her way to upset her becuase we dont want to lose contact with skids again when they get back. Fsd then tells me that when BM is mad and is yelling at them, she tells them to call their 'mom' ans maybe she would care, talking about me. I told fsd that she needed to understand that BM loves her and is scared probably jealous and does not know how to handle it, so she lashes out. To not let it get to her and to also not fuel the fire.

So I am not feeling really guilty and upset that because of posting the pics. I know that she would probably say something about her hair when she saw her, but because it was me is why BM is so mad. I don't want to go another long span of time without talking to the kids. BM does it to hurt Fdh and it sucks. I hate seeing him so upset when he apcant talk to the kids. I have this terrible guilt along with the sadness of them being gone...like I said, I am a mess.