Hell no! I think moving in should be put on the back burner until a) he can prove he can parent these kids. Trust me, moving into this situation, when the parenting isn't at an appropriate level, is extremely frustrating. If he's going to get mad at you every time you mention his kids misbehaved, that's not ok. I've had issues with this with my SO (not exactly the same, I can tell him when skids misbehave and he doesn't get mad), and we've worked on it. Luckily he has made changes. But not everyone is so lucky, some DH's are unwilling to budge. Make sure he WILL budge, before you get yourself stuck living with him!  and, b) You trust him! Why is he hiding stuff and lying? Please don't move in until you get that figured out and you are confidant it is behind you.

Do you feel like he is the person for you?

You're in the right.

It's easy to turn a blind eye to things when you're in the situation.

My fiancé said I was being 'crazy' and 'blowing things out of proportion '

No, I wasn't 

Waiting is a good thing.  The secrecy, lack of willingness to compromise and parenting differences are red flags.  Make sure you get comfortable with all of that before you move in.  That said, I do think I'd move in with him before I married him (or got pregnant!)   There are some things you just won't know or experience in connection with his kids and his parenting of the kids until you live it firsthand.

I agree with what everyone has posted.  But I am curious if you have asked him WHY he is so insistent that you move in and/or get married.  You said that he points out other people who have been together longer.  So, it is just because it "is time?"  Comparing a time table for a relationship against other people is kind of high school, isn't it?  Is it that he needs help around the house or with the kids or financially?  Because I think you know what the answer to that is!  The only really good answer to the question is that he just can't stand to not be with you and each day not waking up next to you makes him sad.  If that were the case, some compromise as far as understanding that you need to feel comfortable with his parenting, or at least that talking about it will not cause a fight every time, and that where he currrently lives is not compatible with your work.  Does he really want to see you add an hour of drive time to your day so that his life does not have to change even a little bit?

I would be asking him some specific questions and really listening to the answers.  I would also be asking myself if I wanted to get married or if a more independent life was more my style.  Either way, this may or may not be the person for you.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Not every relationship ends with a ring and that doesn't mean it was bad.  It just means it ran its course.

HE won't compromise? Fine. That doesn't mean YOU have to compromise. You can be just as unwilling to add an additional 30 min to your commute. "Ok, I guess we're not ready to move in together just yet if neither of us is willing to budge." Caution, he will be mad at YOU for not compromising while remaining steadfast in HIS unwillingness to compromise. It will be your fault no matter. Man baby alert.

But there are more red flags than this. Making you feel crazy, and blaming you for overreacting to a situation that he lied to you about (lie through omission is still a lie) are classic gaslighting techniques. He is not being honest with you.

Tred carefully here.

Your post(and many others in here) make me think of this video https://www.facebook.com/acemetaphor/videos/312097699525687/

Well, I think he's completely in the right on the moving thing, personally. It would be much easier for you to have a longer drive into work every day then to move his kids further away from their mother and grandparents, and out of their school district. He most likely has a relatively small radius in which he'd even be able to move without going through court. I don't see why his kids should be uprooted so much just so your commute stayed short. I wouldn't do that either, if I were him.

That said, you're also in the right for not being ready to move in. The commute excuse sounds selfish to me, but I'm also willing to bet that that's actually a red herring for your more serious hesitations about wanting to live with him and his kids. I'm guesisng that if everything else were great, the commute wouldn't seem like a deal breaker to you. Bottom line, you aren't 100% on board and gung ho about it, so don't do it. You guys aren't on the same page, so it doesn't matter who is right or wrong or selfish. It just matters that it's not going to work, at least as things stand now.

What I find more concerning in your situation are his lies of omission about his exes visits to his house, texts, his social media page denial to your face, him misleading you, etc. and him making you feel crazy when you caught him in the act in all of these things. I also find it unsettling that when his children misbehave he has turned on you instead of addressing their behavior. I'm sure the extra 30 commute wouldn't be a big deal if he wasn't such a squirrley, shady, dishonest, (and possibly emotionally abusive) partner. But his behavior towards you would make anyone feel resentful and it would make that commute seem very long and even uneccesary in your life. It's not so much the compromise, but what are exactly you compromising for? To be treated like garbage at home? No thanks! I think moving in should be put on hold until he can demonstrate he can parent his kids appropriately, consistantly, and he can prove he is an honest upstanding guy who doesn't play games, hide things from you and turn on you, throw a manbaby tanturm when he gets caught. He needs to make peace with his past behaviors towards you in order to move forward and change. I suggest couples therapy.

It’s unrealistic to expect him to move kids out of school and away from family so girlfriend has shorter commute. Totally unrealistic. 

Id also warn you against making drastic decisions based on what he is “mentioning” about marriage. Hinting is often just done  to keep you around. Those other couples  that are married already are likely married because a man proposed. If your boyfriend is not proposing, how are you supposed to be married? If you uproot yourself you might end up being a live in girlfriend with long commute for another 15 years. 

The support system.  IL, family.  You must get out of the old marriage home.  Since they  Divorce there should be no loyalty to BM. An when you get into a new relationship thing have to change.  Can’t live old life with the new person. BM She should not be allowed into the home.   I see nothing wrong in moving 30 miles away if it benefits both of you.  Does moving where you want, Make his drive to work better or worst ?   Are there other factors except SK 

The support system.  IL, family.  You must get out of the old marriage home.  Since they    Divorcebe  there should be no loyalty to BM. An when you get into a new relationship thing have to change.  Can’t live old life with the new person. BM She should not be allowed into the home.   I see nothing wrong in moving 30 miles away if it benefits both of you.  Does moving where you want, Make his drive to work better or worst ?   Are there other factors except SK 

The main reason to get married is to buld a life together. In your case SO already has a life built and family support where he's at and he wants you to be a pretty asscessory to it rather than an actual decision making full life partner. He cares only about his and his childrens comfort not yours.  The children and BM's needs will ALWAYS come before yours. I can see his POV, uprooting kids and changing schools, moving further from family would be very disruptive sooooo...you get to make the sacrifice rather than him.  If this kind of arrangement is alright with you then go for it. If you expect more from a life partner then you may want to keep your options open.  

I say stall and stay where you are.