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Are Single/divorced mothers more likely to be narcissists?

pwoodlson's picture

Think about it. Single/divorced mothers......

-have children so they can have a mini-me. They have these kids so the kids will be their narc supply and so they themselves will fit in with their peers. They brainwash their kids and mold them into mini-me's, teaching them their beliefs, likes, what to say, etc. and they are right and everyone else is wrong.

-they think their child is "special" and refuse to see reality. When the child misbehaves there's always an excuse. Nothing is ever their child's fault.It is never the fact that the kid might not be the best behaved at that time. It is never their fault.

-they use their children for attention, companionship, to fit their needs, whatever they are at the moment. This is unhealthy. You will often find they do not have good boundaries with their kids, especially as they get older.

-there's a reason the relationship with the child's father did not work out. Ask him. It most liking has to do with her inability to get along with a partner because she is very selfish, immature, has rage issues and her husband will not just ignore these behaviors like her kid's will.

-you will rarely find them adopting a child unless they are having issues with conceiving then they will use adoption as their second, but less preferred, choice.  They want to have their own and would prefer it that way. It feeds their ego. So even if they adopt they will conitnue to try their best to have their own child with their own DNA.

-they get into a relationships based on what a man can provide for them. These relationships are one sided and they don't even give a third of what the other person puts into the relationship. It is all about them. They are quick to discard this man if he brings it up or slips up. They are incapable of true love and see relationships completely as what they can get out of them.

 

I do believe these typs of women seek out codependents to use in their relationships.

BethAnne's picture

If you said that narcassits are more likely to be single or divorced then I could go with that as it probably inhibits their abilities to maintain a healthy relationship. However saying that single/divorced mothers are more likely to be narcasists is a bit of a leap for me. Admittedly I have no data to back up my guesses. 

georgina29's picture

So many narcs I know are in relationships. They are all over social media flaunting it. Wether or not these are happy, healthy relationships is an entirely different story. I do agree when narcs have kids it is to reflect themselves into their children 

Letti.R's picture

I think it is the other way round: narcissists are more likely to be single/divorced (kids optional).
I don't think all single or divorced moms are narcissists - they could have been married to one and opted out, single parents by choice or there are a myriad of factors as to why they are single/divorced moms.
To me it is slightly crazy to lump all single moms in the same category under the umbrella of narcissist.
And not all single moms behave in the way you described above either.

I am far more likely to believe a narcissist has periods on their own (with or without children), when their current victim gets tired of their abusive sh!t and leaves - and they are on their own, prowling for the next unsuspecting victim
At heart these people are broken and everyone else is merely a decoration to use within their own self-centred universe.

georgina29's picture

I think narcissistic types are all over the map. I know many who are in relationships but they seem one sided and lack depth. Most of the times these relationships work because they are with a codependent.

Letti.R's picture

I agree with you: they are everywhere.
The one thing that I find amazing is that a narc will have a kid: being me!, me!, me! it is hard to imagine that they have the empathy to care for and raise a child.
But then  I read stories of some of the kids on here and what they go through with rotten parents and the lightbulb goes on.
And as you say, a kid is  someone who will be thoroughly dependent on this shell of a person.

ITB2012's picture

I was a single-divorced mom for a while and it didn't go like that at all.

 

Letti's scenario is probably the most accurate hypothesis.

Gimlet's picture

 There are plenty of people, both male and female, who shouldn't have had children but did.  There is a fair amount of social pressure to have kids.

I would not feel comfortable saying that the population of single mothers diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder was statistically significant when compared with married mothers, married fathers, and/or single fathers.   

This is all anecdotal.  Painful and personal for many, but anecdotal nonetheless.  What Letti posited is more likely. 

bananaseedo's picture

Definately not the case.  I was a single mother/divorced because my exh was an abusive narc....sometimes women get tired of their s**** and jump ship you know?

Plenty of narc men out there...in fact a LOT of narcs don't retain/want custody-in interferes in the ME time- they do like to display the kid as a trophy/instagram mom or dad for accolades though.

 

Aniki's picture

I believe that narcs can be anyone: every sex, every situation. Male, or female, single or partnered, breeder or childless. Some narcs DO want children and see their children as extensions of themselves (BioHo). Other narcs have children, but only consider them to be a REFLECTION of the narc - bad/good behavior reflects negatively/positively on the narc, which results in punishment/reward. Then there are narcs who simply cannot tolerate "sharing the spotlight" with anyone else - especially a child.

Narcs come in all shapes and sizes, but I believe they are born "broken". 

Merry's picture

I raised healthy, productive kids as a single mom. I don’t think anybody would call me a narc. I had plenty of single-mom friends too. Some of their ex’s were narcs and they finally had enough. Some of their overindulged children turned out to be narcs though. 

Interesting theory, but I don’t see it working that way.  

Merrywey's picture

supports this theory and quite honestly your post reads very anti woman.  People marry & divorce for many reasons, people have children fir many reasons.  I was a single mom for a time and I divorced my first husband because he decided he didn’t want to be married or a father.  I raised two happy healthy productive members of society.   Whenever someone paints a group with a broad brush it signals to me they have a bias towards that group.

Iamwoman's picture

Is this post meant to be provocative or was the clear provocation a mindless accident?

There are even more single divorced fathers out there who are narcissists as statistics denote narcissism to males at a higher rate than females.

It stands to reason that any sane woman would not stay married to a narcissist for long. Thus, by default, you will see single divorced mothers in equal numbers to the fathers out there.

We see instances of more female narcissism on this site, simply because we are here to gripe. If the BM was sane, none of us would be here.

Gimlet's picture

Yep, not at all a representative sample of the population.

Lux's picture

Statistically, men are more likely to have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), while women have Borderline Personality Disorder more than men. Your above list fits my husband to the letter. 

He constantly says how much he hates his son (SS13) and wishes he was never born, but then turns around and tells someone SS13 has lied too, that they misunderstood SS13 or they didn’t make sure SS13 understood them. H has done this to me, SS13’s teachers who hold his grades accountable, and anyone SS13 is a jerk to. He’s an expert at gaslighting and stonewalling. He resolves nothing and has never admitted his behaviors are wrong.

H brags he’s a member of Mensa and “statistically smarter than the general population,” “rules don’t apply to him,” etc. H had me fooled as narcs do, the act and mirroring goes on for a few years till they have you hooked or trapped. The mask came off when I got pregnant and the layers are still being peeled off. 

People with NPD live in a self entitled victimhood constantly and can fool therapists into thinking they have just PTSD. When therapists start seeing them for what they are, narcs fire the therapist - which is why there’s no set statistic of percentage on who has it population wise.

My H sees his son as only his, he tried to eliminate the BM years ago and even joked about having her have “an accident” to his friends. He calls me vulgar names when he has narcissistic rage and tells me it’s my fault for triggering him. He’s wished me to die several times in the last year. I am leaving him as soon as I can, it is not easy to leave a narc. 

I recommend the book “Start Here” by Dana Morningstar. 

Want2's picture

Omg Lux you’re where I was five years ago. Except my exH couldn’t stretch it far enough to brag about being anywhere near Mensa. He still did his damnest to eliminate me but failed miserably.

You sound ready to bust out and I am happy for you. It’s not easy dumping a narc just as you said. I hope you make a clean break. I hope he chokes on his smear campaign. I guess you already know life is so much better on the other side and most of all I hope you take the time to go deep within and cure yourself so that you will never get sucked into another narcissistic swamp.

justmakingthebest's picture

I mean, I was a divorced mom (guess I still am since I am divorced from my kids dad).

  • I didn't have children to have a "mini me".
  • Yes, there are a million reasons why our marriage didn't work out. My exH's new wife has called me to ask things in the past. My exH was very honest with her and so was I. She understands why things went south. She knows that he has now gotten the help that he needed. He is a much better man now than he was  when our marriage ended. He is a much better father. We are all right where we need to be. Both in happy marriages, both there for our kids. 
  • I don't use my kids as "companions"- They are teens now, and there are things we like to do together. My son and I (and DH and SS) enjoy going to the movies. My daughter and I will have nail dates and we love us some brunch. When DH is away we tend to have a girls morning.
  • DH and are considering with SS19 doing an adult adoption.
  • My relationship with DH has nothing to do with what he give me. I provided for myself and my kids just fine. Infact, the only reason DH has 1/2 the stuff he has now is because of me. That doesn't even include the experiences he has had the last 4 years or our future plans. 

This was pretty insulting for any woman who has been divorced and has children.

HOWEVER- This is all BM2 to a T

 

 

Rags's picture

No, they are not more likely to be narcissists.  Though certainly a single mom, just as anyone else, could be an narcissist. 

It is not a good idea to label an entire group as we learned in late grade school.  Stereotypes are by their existence, inaccurate.

Divorce can happen for any number of reasons. Some of those reasons may have nothing to do with the single mom and everything to do with her former partner.   Some single moms have a whoops baby and never planned on it.  As they say, shit happens. An unplanned out of wedlock pregnanacy does not necessarily imply that either bioparent is a nacissist.

The mettle of the single parent is how they parent and progress in their own life.  That is the litmus test of whether or not a single mom/parent is a narcissist.

IMHO of course.

marsaidstep's picture

They are not more likely to be narcissistic than anyone else. Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes and every walk of life. Some are single, some are divorced and some have been married for 30 years. Some have children and some do not. However if someone is single because they are extremely self centered and have rage issues then they are probably a narcissist. If someone has kids in order to gain supply from them, keep them company, fulfill their needs and mold them into mini me’s they are probably a narcissist. However not all parents are like this.

ndc's picture

Anecdotal, but the vast majority of divorced/single moms I know are not narcissists.  I think your statement is a huge stretch and would not be backed up by facts.