Learning to say NO
My boyfriend and I dont live together. He is taking his kids tommorow to his exes workplace for "go to work with mommy" day, which is close my house but about 40 minutes away from his house. However his ex has decided she wants the kids there at (at her workplace) at noon and not in the morning. I have to leave for work at 1pm. My boyfriend has invited himself over to my place and assumed he can hang out at my place and wait on his kids which normally would be fine except he has lost the sets of keys I gave him to my place so he would have to leave the keys under a mat which Im not thrilled about while Im at work for 8 hours. He also made it out that it was about seieng me and how he wanted to spend time with me when I have to leave for work right after he shows up plus it interupts me eating lunch and getting ready for work. I told him it wouldnt work out and he flipped out and said he would have to rethink the relationship. I also dont really want him alone at my place, possibly going thru my things, etc. I dont know. Im just not thrilled about the idea. It also seems he just doesnt want to spend the money on gas or hang out elsewhere because he can use my place instead. He hung up on me which I thought was extreme instead of talking it out which I wouldve given in and let him stay but not now. He seems very selfish at times.
It is your place- you make
It is your place- you make the rules. He sems to be thoughtless,yes. Does he work? He should respect your job. When I first met The Ostrich I marked exams at home for extra money- he didn't get it, he didn't get that I enjoyed it, that it was hard work, that it took two weeks from my life but it paid for nice holidays. He even said it was the reason my cancer came back!
Now, I still work but don't mark exams any more. He doesn't like me working.
If you can't trust him with keys, if you can't trust him to stay alone in your place- what the hell are you doing with him?
He even said it was the
He even said it was the reason my cancer came back!
Yep- what a jerk- now he
Yep- what a jerk- now he keeps saying he wants to leave me-well, he knows where the door is.
Why on earth would you want
Why on earth would you want him to access to your property when already shown he doesn't care enough not to loose the keys to it. I hope you have changed the locks, incase the keys they suddenly re appear.
And just because you said it didn't work for you HE wants to re think your relationship. I would suggest that you collect any of his things left at your house return to his house and collect any of your belonging.
Why does he think he gets to decide whether or not your relationship will continue. If you don't want to continue to have a relationship that is only ok if he gets his own way.
Sorry to say he is using you.
Sorry to say he is using you. Just because you say no to something he says he needs to rethink the relationship. Ummm, no you need to rethink the relationship. If he really cared about you and your relationship he would never say something like that. He sounds very selfish and only wants what works for him.
Also I would change my locks.
HE needs to rethink the
HE needs to rethink the relationship? YOU need to rethink the relationship.
Once again, I don't get it. I don't get why you are letting this guy use you when it's convenient for him.
I know it's a hard decision...
but do you feel this relationship is for the long haul? Things seem to coming up on a regular basis regarding your SO which aren't about his children, although they may be involved in the situation, but more about his view on the relationship between you and him aswell as his general outlook.
Saying he needs to 'rethink the relationship' over this particular event is just emotional blackmail.
Keep saying no. The more you
Keep saying no. The more you say it, the more his head will explode and he is showing you what a worthless partner he makes. Say no to this relationship!
GOOD JOB! You have your own
GOOD JOB! You have your own place and privacy, don't let that go. Saying "No" is something you will have to do, if you stay with this man, and he has children; therefore, it gets easier to say "no" after the first time. He will get over it and you have set boundaries; good for you!
Learning to say Goodbye
Caitlin, WHY are you with this man???
He is selfish, insensitive, thoughtless, and a user.
He is being very inconsiderate of you - you'll be trying to eat lunch and get ready for work, but HE DOES NOT CARE. He's trying to say it's about seeing you when it's actually about making things more convenient for his selfish self.
You don't trust him alone in your place (why did he have keys and did he really lose them??).
DON'T LEAVE HIM ALONE IN YOUR PLACE.
IMHO, you should change your locks (if he ever finds those keys, he has access to your place ANY time he wants in).
Hon, go back and read every post you've written. Try to read it as if your good friend was telling you about her SO. Would you tell her to stay with this "man" or would you tell her to run?
I agree with both of the
I agree with both of the above posters. This man sounds extremely immature. The description you gave reminds me of a toddler throwing a hissy fit.
He is extremely immature and
He is extremely immature and I have known this about him for awhile. His latest thing is he uses jealousy to manipulate me. Because I didnt allow him to come over to my place and hang out he texted me later in the day to say he was met a (nameless) female coworker at a coffee shop instead and was no longer interested in hanging out at my place anyways. lol.
Let him rethink the relationship
If you're lucky he'll decide against continuing it. Seriously, if you can't trust the guy in your home, why in the world are you in a relationship with him? You know he's using you, you know you're not a priority, and yet you continue to date him. Surely you can do better; heck, you'd be better off alone. If HE decides to rethink things and end the relationship, it could be the best thing that happened to you.
No is a complete sentence.
So... No.
Try it, it is simple.
I agree with everything every
I agree with everything every one of you has said. It seems he is mad because Im expressing that it was not covienient for me and didnt work for me. It seems what only matters is what is convienient for himself, his kids, and his ex. Sorry but its not always going to be possible to keep a balance. And what is the point in seeing someone for 15 minutes before you leave for work anyways? He also never runs anything by me or considers what would work for me, only him, his kids, his ex. It was more about him needing a place to hang out while his kids were there and saved him gas and time. Besides the obvious I feel his way of getting what he wants is to be rude, threaten a break up, hang up etc. which is unhealthy and abusive. I would've had no issue with him coming over and wouldve loved to have seen him if he was nice about it and understood the incovienience and time constraint imposed on me but was nice and understanding about it but appoligized.
So, why are you still with
So, why are you still with this man-baby??? From your description of him, you can definitely do better. Single is better than him.
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