You are here

Just when I thought she couldn’t be any more evil...

TheEvilStepmomStrikesBack's picture

So today apparently is BM’s birthday. Instead of saying anything to DH (who lets face it barely remembers his own birthday) or me about it. She spent all morning telling SS10 about it and how he was going to stay with her this weekend! Couple of problems with that:

1. It’s our CO weekend. We stopped switching a while ago because it got to be too much of it going on and it affected his behavior. 

2. BM didn’t mention to either one of us (DH or me)that she wanted SS10 to stay for her birthday. 


She he didn’t mention this to me when I spoke to her at 5 something this morning reminding her to put a note for me to pick him up from school. As a matter of fact, she said she had already put note in  bookbag. 

So I get to the school and he’s pouting. I ask what’s wrong several times and he finally says(after several “Im just tired” but I knew it was more than that) “my mom told me I was going to spend the weekend with her.” Well Ss, it’s daddy's weekend;  is there any particular reason you don’t want to visit with us? “It’s my mom's birthday.” Ok, would you like to go see her...

long story short I end up waiting by her apartment 20 minutes for her to get there so he can say happy birthday. In the most of him standing there, she continues to walk off. What kind of mother does that??????? So then I have to explain to him that we are not trying to keep him from his mom but that we simply didn’t know today was her birthday. I’m guessing this is the beginning of PAS for her because she surely tried to turn him against us with this foolishness today!!! 


Today is is her birthday so I’m not gonna say anything today but come Sunday she’s gonna get an eyeful of a text. Gonna make sure she knows that we know what she said and that PA and manipulating a 10 yo coupled with those grades he has is gonna make for an easy court decision  next time around. Nip it in the bud before it even gets started.  

Survivingstephell's picture

He's 10?  Then you ask him why his mother would tell him that he was staying with her but forgot to set it up with dad??  Just let him stew on that all weekend.  

Let him go back and ask his mother that.  Let her explain it.  That's how you combat PAS, you teach critical thinking skills and to question her behavior and choices by letting him figure it out on his own.  yeah she's going to come up with some wild excuses, but in time, he will figure out she can't be counted on to tell the truth.  Its a long game to play but SS will be stuck with BM the rest of her life and needs to be taught how to deal with her.  

You can rip a new one, but change the game on her and she won't know what to do.  So much easier than getting mad.  Give her the rope to hang herself.  over and over and over.....

tog redux's picture

Doesn't always work, unfortunately.  We did a lot of that but my SS18 still has zero critical thinking skills.  Some kids are just no good at spotting manipulation from their mothers (or don't want to).

I agree that it needs to be tried, though.

TheEvilStepmomStrikesBack's picture

I did. I told him that we knew nothing about him supposedly staying with her this weekend and that she hadn’t mentioned it to me or DH. SS avoids confrontation at all cost right now so he’s probably not gonna mention it to her at all. BM “loves” on him a whole lot right before visits with us and right after. Gives him what he wants or blames DH for what she doesn’t give him. He’s a smart kid (common sense wise) though. If he doesn’t already realize what’s going on, he will in a few years. 

Maxwell09's picture

Same! Same kind of BM and SS. But at 7, mine is started to say out loud when he notices his mom lied to him. 

Maxwell09's picture

Yeah. She set the boy up. Well really she set y’all up to be the big mean bad guys. You shouldn’t have brought him by her house although I’ve used a similar tactic on my SS when he was way younger. BM would make him believe she was sitting there crying waiting for him to come back to her. Finally I took him by her apartment and he noticed her car wasn’t there but her boyfriends’ was and I said “oh see? Johns with her! She’s fine.” And he would perk up. But at 10....I think you shouldn’t have waisted your time with all of that and just told him straight up “hey bud, here’s the custody order made by a judge. It says you are with us this weekend and if your mom wants you she needs to email dad and let him know. We never heard from her. And we talked, she knew I was picking you up today for the weekend as of this morning. I don’t know why she would tell you something different” and leave it at that. 

TheEvilStepmomStrikesBack's picture

I really do believe he struggles with what’s going on. He can see (and tells us) about how he’s treated differently from his little brother (the golden boy that mom has with guys she left DH and SS for And is still with- for a while she actually left hSS with his older brother at her place  so she could move in with her boyfriend and play happy family). However, at this point in his life, his mom is important to him (as she should be). I’ll never do anything to interfere with their relationship. I feel like any attempt to really have him see the “real” her would only result in resentment towards me, whether it’s because he doesn’t believe me or he does and I just happen to be the messenger. I always set her mess straight (when she lies or manipulates, I always make sure he knows the truth. Especially if it concerns DH or me). I never try and make him see his mom negatively though She does enough of that herself and pretty soon (if he hasn’t already) he’s gonna start to see her for the person she is. There’s no need to dirty my hands at the moment