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No call on DH’s Birthday

strugglingSM's picture

In the entire time I’ve known him, DH has always had SSs on his birthday week. This year, we planned to travel to see my family and we were going to take them with us. When DH contacted BM about two months ago to tell her this, she said “they can’t go, I’ve already signed them up for camp and my sister is in town.” DH did not make a big stink about it, even though their parenting plan stipulates that the kids are with him on his birthday, so she should have consulted him at the very least for plans on that day. Instead, he rolls with the punches like he always does.

Last week, he texts both boys and says to them, “all I want is for you to both call me on my birthday and wish me a happy birthday.” He even tells them what day his birthday is in the text. They text back hours later and say, “ok dad”. We saw them right before we left and I programmed DH’s birthday into both of their phones, so they would get a notification.

This week - DH’s Birthday comes and goes and not a peep from either child. They are now in middle school and in my mind, old enough to remember their father’s birthday. In the nearly five years I have known them, they have done nothing for Father’s Day, Christmas, or DH’s Birthday. It’s hard not to resent them for this. I know that being a child of divorce is difficult and that BM tries to erase DH from their lives, but c’mon, your dad asked you to call him, so call him...or at least send a text! These are the same kids whose phones are glued to their hands when they’re at our house and who call BM at least twice while they are with us on visitation weekends.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

My DH is treated the same way. In 8 years, his kids/skids have never sent/made him a card, called, or texted him on his birthday or Father's Day. To be honest, I was so upset by it, that when I disengaged, I stopped reminding DH when it was a kid/skid birthday. What's good for the gander...

ndc's picture

It's very sad that your husband has to ask the kids to call him on his birthday.  That should be something that is a given for a middle school-age child.  It's pathetic that after reminders, having the date programmed into their phones, and AGREEING to call your DH on his birthday, they didn't.  

I think Mrs. Fireball has the right idea for spoiled, selfish, entitled kids: stop buying them stuff and cut way back on the gift giving until they learn to truly appreciate what they have.  And of course, one of things they DO have but don't seem to appreciate is an involved father who deserves to hear from them on his birthday.

thinkthrice's picture

is in full effect now.  The fact that BM signed them up for camp and disregarded the CO tells you everything.  It also may be that they will "get in trouble" with BM for wishing their dad a happy birthday.  I know this was the case with Chef's 3 skids.  Haven't heard hide nor hair from them in almost a decade now (the older ones, OSS 21.5 and SD 19.5)  it will be 10 years next year, September of radio silence from YSS 15.5

You can bet that the BM monitors their iphones for any content to dear ol' dad and they will pay the price for communicating with him.

strugglingSM's picture

They are totally PAd, but BM wouldn’t be as direct as to tell them they were in trouble. She’d just manipulate them, probably by telling them she pays for the phones, so they shouldn’t call DH (even though we paid for phones for 3 years that she used to get in touch with SSs) or telling them how DH didn’t care about them because we went away without them.

I’m also pretty sure that she will soon come to DH demanding money for the phones anyway, because for the two months that SSs have been on her phone plan, their phones have almost gotten shut off for non-payment, but they never call DH on those phones so no way are we paying for them.