I have gone through this so many times with the courts.... there are no guidelines.... no definitions.... just the broad term itself, "Joint Decision Making". It is a loose end that leaves the door wide open for anyone and everyone to go off of their own interpretation, and to make things worse... it is next to impossible to enfore Joint Decision making when one party makes decisions without your input.
My interpretation is that the parents have to agree whatever the issue is BEFORE anything can be changed. IE: If Medical is a Joint Decision, the child's doctor cannot be changed UNLESS both parents agree.
That's the way it's SUPPOSED to work, anyway. BM keeps making daycare changes without consulting DH. Or, in this case they had an agreement (mediation) to enroll SS in Montessori in January 2007. Well, in January there wasn't a spot, and they both agreed that he needed a new daycare cuz the one he was in was crap. So they found a new one, and he's doing great there. BM went and gave notice to the daycare, without notifying DH that SS was going to start Montessori on June 1st. Well, we niped that in the bud, and they agreed to discuss again when it got closer to September. Next thing we know we are getting an email from her saying the IS enrolling SS in Montessori effective September 3rd. We cannot afford it. With the before and after school care she requires it would be $1000 per month for his tuition. So, now we are doing battle with that. I'm sure we'll be back in court in August to resolve it because she always has to have her way. DH says she's probably just doing it so she can win ... she hasn't won at much in court, so ... I hate that woman and I don't even really know her. URGH!!!
Daycare is so expensive here. Just before and after is $700.00 per month for my 2 skids. My DH only gets a little over $100.00 per kid per month in CS. If you didn't agree on Montessori I dont' see how you could be forced to pay that since there are public schools. If she wants her child to go there then it seems to me she has to pay for it.
... agree on Montessori, but we did not know there were before and after school daycare expenses that would be incurred. We can pretty much proove that we had no clue about the expense - just tuition, which was the same as his current pre-school. Also, he's in a great preschool, has been doing well, and we agreed he'd start in January 2007; not September 2007. who knows what will happen. Haven't heard a word from the bitch since DH relied to her email notifying us she WAS enrolling him to start September 2007.
NCP should have rights too!
I am going to assume that your dh has "Joint Legal Custody" if he has joint decision making entitlements with ex wife. This being said, " Joint Legal Custody" call's for both the custodial parent and the non custodial parent to have to come to agreements in regards to the child/children's education, religious upbringing and medical treatments.These include each parent having the ability to sign permission slips, report cards, access to all school information and teachers...also includes both parents having the ability to sign for medical treatments, prescriptions, and access to all medical information and physicians the child see's. However, and this is one that you might want to check on with your own city and state, the custodial parent is typically awarded the final say if a joint decision cannot be reached. If that is not that case where you reside, the custodial parent CAN still have final say,(though in direct contempt of divorce decree ). If your dh is ordered to pay for the schooling which may or may not include before and after school care,and doesnt pay as ordered to do, he will be in contempt as well...It will now boil down to who has the money to take the other to court for the contempt charge...sorry but the reality of this situation is that unless dh wants to try and take ex back to court for contempt and possible modifications, then she wins, because if dh doesnt pay for the schooling( where ever she has chosen and what ever fees that includes) then bm can file with child support enforcement( who btw has the ability to come after NCP for other issues pertaining to child beyond actual child support.),and they can garnish the monthly payments from dh's pay. My advice, get with an attorney regarding this and find out what steps you can take to file a contempt order either through the law firm or pro se.If bm is the custodial parent I would see about getting a modification stating that while NCP/father is willing to pay for education, CP/bm should be required to pay for ALL before and after school care, as she is probably the one claiming the child on her taxes and gets the child care tax credit, not your dh. Finally, the sad truth is that no matter what the divorce decree states about decision making being joint, if your ss resides with bm, she pretty much can do what she wants when it comes to ANY decisons pertaining to ss. Unless you and dh have unlimited funds to take her back to court evertime she makes a decison without dh, her playing hand trumps dh's everytime......sorry.
... BM regularly makes decisions without DH input. Washington State is a bit different than what you described above. Child support INCLUDES daycare expenses, but not necessarily private education - especially if not status quo. In 99% of child support orders the parties alternate the income tax exemption. Also, with regard to joint decision making, of course BM can make whatever decisions she wants to and be in contempt, but there is a provision in all parenting plans for dispute resolution ... usually some sort of mediation, arbitration, or counseling. Due to the massive difficulty we had trying to "mediate" the last issue ... if we cannot decide jointly on an issue the only resolution is court order. So, yes ... we will soon find ourselves in court, not for contempt - no point - but asking the court to make the decision regarding the dacyare. Which when you think about it is really sad that BM won't work with DH and THEY make the decision for SS, but she'd rather a stranger make the decision for them. URGH!!!
Unfortunately NO....
I have gone through this so many times with the courts.... there are no guidelines.... no definitions.... just the broad term itself, "Joint Decision Making". It is a loose end that leaves the door wide open for anyone and everyone to go off of their own interpretation, and to make things worse... it is next to impossible to enfore Joint Decision making when one party makes decisions without your input.
My interpretation is that the parents have to agree whatever the issue is BEFORE anything can be changed. IE: If Medical is a Joint Decision, the child's doctor cannot be changed UNLESS both parents agree.
My thoughts too ...
That's the way it's SUPPOSED to work, anyway. BM keeps making daycare changes without consulting DH. Or, in this case they had an agreement (mediation) to enroll SS in Montessori in January 2007. Well, in January there wasn't a spot, and they both agreed that he needed a new daycare cuz the one he was in was crap. So they found a new one, and he's doing great there. BM went and gave notice to the daycare, without notifying DH that SS was going to start Montessori on June 1st. Well, we niped that in the bud, and they agreed to discuss again when it got closer to September. Next thing we know we are getting an email from her saying the IS enrolling SS in Montessori effective September 3rd. We cannot afford it. With the before and after school care she requires it would be $1000 per month for his tuition. So, now we are doing battle with that. I'm sure we'll be back in court in August to resolve it because she always has to have her way. DH says she's probably just doing it so she can win ... she hasn't won at much in court, so ... I hate that woman and I don't even really know her. URGH!!!
~ Katrina
That is Unbelievable
Daycare is so expensive here. Just before and after is $700.00 per month for my 2 skids. My DH only gets a little over $100.00 per kid per month in CS. If you didn't agree on Montessori I dont' see how you could be forced to pay that since there are public schools. If she wants her child to go there then it seems to me she has to pay for it.
We did ...
... agree on Montessori, but we did not know there were before and after school daycare expenses that would be incurred. We can pretty much proove that we had no clue about the expense - just tuition, which was the same as his current pre-school. Also, he's in a great preschool, has been doing well, and we agreed he'd start in January 2007; not September 2007. who knows what will happen. Haven't heard a word from the bitch since DH relied to her email notifying us she WAS enrolling him to start September 2007.
~ Katrina
Joint Decision Making...
NCP should have rights too!
I am going to assume that your dh has "Joint Legal Custody" if he has joint decision making entitlements with ex wife. This being said, " Joint Legal Custody" call's for both the custodial parent and the non custodial parent to have to come to agreements in regards to the child/children's education, religious upbringing and medical treatments.These include each parent having the ability to sign permission slips, report cards, access to all school information and teachers...also includes both parents having the ability to sign for medical treatments, prescriptions, and access to all medical information and physicians the child see's. However, and this is one that you might want to check on with your own city and state, the custodial parent is typically awarded the final say if a joint decision cannot be reached. If that is not that case where you reside, the custodial parent CAN still have final say,(though in direct contempt of divorce decree ). If your dh is ordered to pay for the schooling which may or may not include before and after school care,and doesnt pay as ordered to do, he will be in contempt as well...It will now boil down to who has the money to take the other to court for the contempt charge...sorry but the reality of this situation is that unless dh wants to try and take ex back to court for contempt and possible modifications, then she wins, because if dh doesnt pay for the schooling( where ever she has chosen and what ever fees that includes) then bm can file with child support enforcement( who btw has the ability to come after NCP for other issues pertaining to child beyond actual child support.),and they can garnish the monthly payments from dh's pay. My advice, get with an attorney regarding this and find out what steps you can take to file a contempt order either through the law firm or pro se.If bm is the custodial parent I would see about getting a modification stating that while NCP/father is willing to pay for education, CP/bm should be required to pay for ALL before and after school care, as she is probably the one claiming the child on her taxes and gets the child care tax credit, not your dh. Finally, the sad truth is that no matter what the divorce decree states about decision making being joint, if your ss resides with bm, she pretty much can do what she wants when it comes to ANY decisons pertaining to ss. Unless you and dh have unlimited funds to take her back to court evertime she makes a decison without dh, her playing hand trumps dh's everytime......sorry.
We've learned the hard way ...
... BM regularly makes decisions without DH input. Washington State is a bit different than what you described above. Child support INCLUDES daycare expenses, but not necessarily private education - especially if not status quo. In 99% of child support orders the parties alternate the income tax exemption. Also, with regard to joint decision making, of course BM can make whatever decisions she wants to and be in contempt, but there is a provision in all parenting plans for dispute resolution ... usually some sort of mediation, arbitration, or counseling. Due to the massive difficulty we had trying to "mediate" the last issue ... if we cannot decide jointly on an issue the only resolution is court order. So, yes ... we will soon find ourselves in court, not for contempt - no point - but asking the court to make the decision regarding the dacyare. Which when you think about it is really sad that BM won't work with DH and THEY make the decision for SS, but she'd rather a stranger make the decision for them. URGH!!!
~ Katrina