I need some advice
So BM's thing is encouraging SS to call every man in his life Daddy and I know she does it just to spite DH. She has another child with someone else and she has been telling SS to call him Daddy (NAME) as well as her ex-boyfriend, whom she used to live with, and her new boyfriend. So three other guys she has SS calling Daddy (NAME) on top of his actual daddy. SS is only four years old and I personally feel this is horribly confusing for SS and sad for DH. I have been in SS's life since he was 8months old and I have never once asked him to call me mommy and even when he would accidently call me mom I would correct him. It's not that I don't want him to call me mom; I would LOVE that title because I love that little boy so much. But I feel that he needs to be old enough to understand that and WANT to call me that, not forced to call me mom.
Am I being crazy for letting that bother me or is that potentially harmful/confusing for him?
That is horrible for your
That is horrible for your stepson. The recourse is, how far is your husband willing to go over this? Has he voiced his displeasure to his ex over this? Will he take his ex to court? Would he hire a lawyer to draft a strongly worked letter to his ex about this?
He has talked to her about it
He has talked to her about it and she just says it's fine and she wouldn't care if he called me mom. He's tried to tell her it’s not a competition and that he's more concerned about his sons mental and emotional state and she just responds with F***off you don't know anything (this from the woman who also told my husband to stop reading him so many books, because reading to a child too much can make them stupid).
Unfortunately we don't make much money, but we are currently saving up to hire an attorney to take her back to court. In the meantime he has been trying to do mediation and she hasn't shown up for the sessions yet, because she doesn't care what he wants and she’s not willing to negotiate on anything. BM and DH didn't date for very long, they were only together about a month when he found out she was sleeping with other guys, so they broke up and he cut all ties. Then one day she showed up at his door with a three month old baby saying it was his. Because they don't really know how to be in a relationship together...they have a tough time coming to an agreement on anything!
I know he’s willing to go as far as it takes to make sure his son gets the best and it’s sad that the only thing holding him back is money. He’s met with several attorneys and they all require a 2-3 grand deposit, so we are doing our best to save up for that. Hopefully by January he will be able to retain the attorney and get the process started.
I wouldn't let it get to you.
I wouldn't let it get to you. That's you husband's place to say something on that.
I'm sure the BM is just desperate to feel like she's a complete family and willing to let anyone fill in for 'daddy'.
Makes me laugh because nothing would scare me off faster than being with someone for three months and them to be like "Can my kid call you mom?" Wha..? I'm out!
Your husband should say
Your husband should say something. This is so wrong for a little boy to be that confused. Talk about identity issues as a teen after this mess.
Ya, he has said something to
Ya, he has said something to her several times and she just tells him to F***Off. I just feel so bad for the little guy. He is such a sweet boy and you can tell it confuses him so much. It breaks my heart to see him go through this and I just cannot understand how a mother can be so spiteful and completely disregard the fact that she's messing him up, essentially.
There is only one way for
There is only one way for Daddy to put an end to this and that is to take her to Family Court and ask the judge to issue a order telling her to stop. It may or may not work.
Unfortunately she can continue doing it, and if called to task by her ex-husband and hauled into court for contemp she can just claim that the boy did it spontaneously and without encouragement. 'Probably because his bio-father is such a poor example of a parent'.
In the end its impossible for you or Daddy to fight a women who has a child 12 out of every 14 days and is determined to hurt her ex even if she emotionally kills her own child. Those women are a dime a dozen and it seems they lost all maternal instinct when it comes to inflicting pain on a husband who was smart enough, or stupid enough (as in having an affair) to have left her for another. And yes it applies even if it was the woman who caused the divorce as that fact is easily overlooked.
It's a type of insanity yet to be recognized by the psychiatric community.