ADHD - am I missing something here?
To keep this semi short, here's some brief history.
For years now SS7 has had "behavioral issues" at BM's while having none at our house or at school. He's been to counseling before. They said it was environmental and tried to help BM learn how to discipline in a healthier manner.....At her house he hits, kicks, screams, throws beyond epic tantrums, and for a while was even spitting in BM's face. Now he's upgraded to telling BM and Doofus (her husband) during an argument, that when they wake up in the morning he (SS) will be dead. Very alarming....back to counseling he goes. Now in short, he has none of these problems at our house, he throws what I consider age appropriate tantrums, never hits us, etc. He's 7, he can be a shit sometimes, like all kids, but DH and I never experience the degree BM describes. He also receives great reports from his teachers, coaches, etc. He's the first to be in his seat and ready to learn, he sets great examples for the other kids, he's learning at a normal rate, etc. While at our house or at school, there is no struggle to keep him on task. Homework is typically a pretty easy to get through. Like most kids he doesn't jump for joy to do homework, but he doesn't fight us on it, while at BM's apparently every night is a big fight to get it done.
All this time, BM has been determined that SS has ADHD. The previous counselor said he didn't see any evidence of it and recommended alternative discipline methods to BM. Well he moved so we've got a new one! First session she talked with DH, BM, and SS. Second session she talked to just SS and at the end of the second session suggested an ADHD assessment.
DH is fighting her big time on this. He's allowing the assessment to be done, but told her if it comes back that he does, medication is an absolute last resort and they will try other options first. She was very annoyed and said medication is the only option! Maybe I'm misinformed here, I'll admit I don't know much about ADHD, but these things don't scream ADHD to me. From my understanding it's not something you can just turn off and display in only certain settings. What am I missing here? I don't want to ignore it, if there's a real problem but every bone in my body is telling me this is NOT the problem. Is it possible for him to display these symptoms/behaviors only at one household and not have problems anywhere else?
Look up adjustment disorder.
Look up adjustment disorder. That is more likely than ADHD. At least, that is my opinion.
Very interesting! I've never
Very interesting! I've never heard of that. I haven't had time to do a lot of reading yet, but I was just telling DH this weekend that SS started having these issues when BM's long time boyfriend kicked her out and she immediately started dating Doofus and then he moved in with them, they had a baby, got married. However, that was 3ish years ago. Do you know if it can go on for that long?
DH and BM were never together, so SS has never experienced them as a whole family, but I've often wondered if some of it wasn't because of the split household as well, even though thats all he knows. But how do you fix that?
I'm going to need therapy soon...
http://hubpages.com/relations
http://hubpages.com/relationships/Adjustment-Disorder-in-Children-of-Div...
Good article about how to combat it:
So: a basic approach for parents to take, if they want their child’s Adjustment Disorder to ease and even disappear is outlined below:
1. Both parent should follow the “Terms of Engagement’ rules for contact with each other. (See this article on this site.
2. Agree that during the school year, the child lives at (sleeps at) only one home during the school week.
3. When possible, have only two home environments that the child ‘lives’ (sleeps) at or even ‘visits‘. When possible have family and friends visit with the child in one of the homes.
4. Try to set up the child’s two bedrooms as similar as possible.
5. Make sure the child is reminded and helped to bring favored toys (especially comfort items, like stuffed animals or blankets) back and forth between homes.
6. Simple small things, like having the same color toothbrush at both homes is often a great help.
7. Both homes should have the same exact calendar system posted in a place where the child can easily view it. This system should be color coded if the child does not read. The child needs to know when the transitions are going to occur, and how long they will be at each home.
8. The child should be reminded gently about the upcoming transition. How often to remind and how far in advance to remind can only be determined by the particular child’s needs. Some children need just and hour, some need a day or more.
9. Allow the child to have phone contact with the other parent on a regular basis, unless the contact results in a stressed child.
10. Be sure to reassure the child that it is O.K. to talk about their other home and other parent, but do not be tempted to pry with the child about the details of your ex’s lifestyle and activities.
The assessment will (at least
The assessment will (at least should - all of my sons have) include a questionnaire for home and school. When my son had his there was one for daycare as well. In your situation there will likely be one for both households and school. That way the individual doing the assessment will see what behaviors are being displayed where. If, as you say, it's only in one place then it's likely something else is going on and that should be addressed.
Oh good. DH was wondering
Oh good. DH was wondering about that. He didn't go to session 2 because the lady said she would only be meeting with SS so both of them didn't need to be there. When BM called him to tell him about the assessment, DH asked what the lady was basing this off of, BM said it was the form she filled out. I told DH to call them and ask to fill out one as well. They go back this week and he's going so hopefully he can figure all of that out.
Good - make sure they both
Good - make sure they both get their input so it can be seen the behaviors are not the same everywhere - that is so important.
My ex and I are on WAYYYYY different sides of understanding my sons special needs....... it's very important for those who treat your SS to also know that - that's very critical information for learning what's going on.
Good luck to you guys!!
The above poster is correct..
The above poster is correct.. When my daughter was screened for it we had to have her teachers along with household fill out the questionnaire. It doesn't sound like ADHD to me.. My daughter has it and is typically on meds for it. She has trouble focusing in school and her grades drop because of this. She has some focusing issues at home also but defiance besides typical kid stuff isn't really an issue.
I think a lot of parents don't want to actually parent their children so they label them whatever they can to medicate them basically. If he's not struggling in school then I'd avoid the assessment.
I've also heard of some
I've also heard of some parents getting their kid put on uppers so that they can take the drugs themselves.
I don't think BM is the type
:O I don't think BM is the type to do that, at least I hope not. But how sad and disgusting!
SS behaves at your house but
SS behaves at your house but not at BM's.... it's not an SS problem, it's a BM problem IMO, maybe she should go for parenting lessons
100% agree and honestly
100% agree and honestly that's basically what counseling last time ended up being. The doc spent most of the time talking to her and teaching her how to handle things situations and asking DH to provide examples of how he disciplines.
IF this child has ADHD he
IF this child has ADHD he could also have ODD. Often ODD is aimed at one specific person or household and everywhere else the child is an "angel". Be careful at how glibly you claim the problem is only in one home. Our BM did that and lo and behold his ODD is now aimed squarely at her and her husband.
My SS taught target (my house) is no longer in the running.
Good comment!! I can't
Good comment!!
I can't believe I didn't think of that too............part of my sons diagnosis included ODD (Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder).........my ex used to say "well I don't see those behaviors" - until my son sure did show him!!!!
Interesting! I've never
Interesting! I've never heard of that, but it does sound similar to what she describes. I definitely wouldn't say he was an angel by any means. He's 7 going on 25 and he has his fathers EVERYTHING. Half the time when he's acting out, I find myself more annoyed with DH
We just never see anything close to what she describes. It's hard for me to even picture him saying and doing the things she claims, because even at the angriest I've ever seen him at that level. I just hope they can figure out what's going on.
I would be cautious regarding
I would be cautious regarding how skilled the counselor is and other background as well. I agree with the other comments on this post and would also add that I personally went through having SD diagnosed with ADHD when she actually had other issues. Luckily, I have siblings who are psychiatrists and they said that sometimes practitioners may be over anxious to apply the label and not consider the full history. I am not suggesting it is not ADHD, as I do not know, but I would focus a bit on this particular counselor,s creds and overall experience and don't hesitate to get other opinions if something just doesn't sound consistent with what you are being told
Thank you! DH actually just
Thank you! DH actually just found another counselor in case a second opinion is needed. They are going ahead with the assessment, but before that even happens this lady has scheduled a meeting with a dietitian to change his diet. I'm so worried/flabbergasted with this situation. It seems like it is getting out of control. Then BM went behind DH's back and scheduled the parent meeting to discuss why they think SS has ADHD, without telling him. Luckily he stopped in an asked for a list of appointments and caught her in the act. She claimed he didn't need to be there since he's not having problems with SS. HELLO!!! The doctors cannot make a valid assessment without input from both households. This is such a mess, I feel like I'm losing my shit.