BM is having 3 year old call NEW HUSBAND DADDY
My SO has a 3 year old son and his i call her baby mama, as the whole stinkin situation with her pregnancy smells of lies and deceit. But to my point. My SO has had to fight this woman tooth and nail to see his son after his BMAMA met a new man and split from the town we all live in. A year later we are finally getting some where with her and with help from a mediator we now have him every other weekend. She fought that of course. She felt SS3 should not be away from her till he was 5!!!! OH mercy that's a whole other long paragraph. So we have been getting him regularly and everything has been going great EXCEPT she has decided SS3 needs to call her husband daddy and my SO is Joe (I will use that name as his name) which has started to get really confusing for SS3. Because WE call Joe DADDY. My SO has spoke to her about this numerous times and she always says ok I understand but then we get SS3 and it's the same thing my SO is JOE and her husband is daddy. My SO fought the past 3 years to be with his child. To see his child. HE isn't one of those men who just doesn't care. Does anybody else have this issue with a BM? Do we just ignore it and just keep doing what we are doing?
Oh honey... We have the same
Oh honey... We have the same issues here in my house... BM Jealous of my cause Skids call me mom... Then thinks it is perfectly okay to FORCE said children to call her hubby daddy... the younger ones are still saying Daddy CHAD(Made up name) and Daddy BUCK (Made up name)... I totally understand...
If it's being forced, that's
If it's being forced, that's one thing.. I agree.. but if the child is choosing, that's different. My kids call SO "Daddy Bear" and their father is their "Daddy"... his kids call me "Mama Bear" and their mother "Mom"
My SO's kids call me by my
My SO's kids call me by my first name. The BM would NEVER EVER be OK with "HER" kids calling me Mom, Mommy, Mama... anything other than my name. The youngest 3, has on occasion called me Mommy, and a few times when we were alone she said "You da mama" and I was surprised and was like "Uh, I'm your ___insert my name here___" She's like, "noooooo... you da mama." Whenever she calls me anything of the mother type in front of her older sisters (6 & 7) they IMMEDIATELY correct her, "SHE'S NOT MOMMY, SHE'S ___ my name here again ___" because their mother has literally tantrumed at them that I'm trying to be their mom (Which I have NEVER said, or even tried to be. I just happen to take care of the kids 6 to 7 days a week, because she can't find time/money to see "HER" kids). My mom suggested that when my SO and I officially get married the kids might eventually call me something along the motherly lines. I don't care either way. They did ask me recently if they eventually would ever call me something else. I asked "like what?" and they kind of shrugged and didn't say anything after that.
I was thinking another trip
I was thinking another trip to the mediator as well. It clearly states in my divorce papers NO other significant other shall be called "mother" or "father". If this woman wasn't so hell bent on x'ing him out of her life maybe it wouldn't be such a slap in the face. BUT she is more then willing to keep cashing his $500 support checks for SS3 yet wants to take the child and make her own "family" trying to exclude him in every way possible. THIS being the reason for being offended. He calls her every week to try to speak with SS3 BUT she will only answer on thursdays. She will NOT answer the phone. BUT at 10pm like clock work thursday evenings her husband calls back saying if they are willing to meet us or not. It's all games. And to us this isn't a game. We want to be a part of his life. That is why HE CALLS! That is why he called on his birthday but of course we got voicemail. So all of these things added up and then the daddy issue has just been a long road. Not to mention when she met the NEW daddy she split town and it took us 8 months to find her.
My sister and I call our SD
My sister and I call our SD daddy. We called our BD by his name. SD raised us. We only saw BD once every few years.
When my SDs slip and call me mom, I correct them. They have a mom in their life.
A child should never be told
A child should never be told to do that. It's like encouraging them to lie.
I can totally understand
I can totally understand that. If there is no BD around or in a a child's life then if a SD steps up then by all means!!!
Kudos to you for stepping up and correcting them. I do NOT allow any of my skids to call me anything BUT my name. They have a mom who is very much in their life and besides that I'm the UGLY wart covered SM.... they wouldn't ever call me mom.
When my 24 yrs old daughter
When my 24 yrs old daughter got pg by her boyfriend, then later he broke it off and got with another girl and married her. So when my grandbaby was born D and SM start useing the name mom for the SM. It upset set my daughter. For 4 years my grandbaby has called this SM Mom. and now that SM has had two children of her own she no longer wants to be my grandchild MOM. How sad is that. These games people play sometimes only hurt the child. My # 1 rule is NEVER talk bad about the other parent in front of the child. (I'am a SM and I raised my 2 BioD by myself) My 2 Bio D learened by their selves how sorry the bio father is. I never had to say a word. DH and I have full custody on my 7yrs old SS. SS sometimes will call me MOM but not very much. SS loves his BM. I know BM has promoted SS in not calling me MOM. Since SS lives with us full time and BM misses so much. SS would like to introduce me as Mom. Sometimes its easiers just to call me Mom. Just like when I introduce him I call him my son. So I guess as long as the child is willing I would leave it up to them. In your case I would have it wrote in the paperwork. Then if it ever becomes the child choice I would just ignore it.Whos Dads and Moms alot of times is a feeling of the heart and a show of love. Child know who love them.
That is very sad. Games.
That is very sad. Games. These women play these terrible games. And our children and THEIR children suffer. My kids father burned his bridges all by himself. I thought for sure he would have seen the error in his ways with our daughter but he is repeating the same crap with our son who is now 13. Our daughter is 19, he used money to buy her attention and love. And to this day that is the relationship. She could care less about him.
I fear my SS# will have much confusion as we have already experienced it. We went to get him one night. They kept calling my SO by his name, "joe is here, it's time to go with Joe!" Well my SS3 wouldn't even look up didn't even realize it was his daddy. So that night we went home without him. My SO cried. The next day we went back and my SO marched in and got him and as soon as SS3 saw who it was he came running. So the games are already affecting us and him. It is very sad. It breaks my heart. For both of them.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... My SS12 was
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... My SS12 was told by his BM that I am nothing. Not his mother, not his stepmother, just his father's girlfriend. He was 6 at the time. A month ago he told her, she is my step mother. Why? Because she STEPS UP. Kids said the darndest things and I gave him a HUGE hug for this one. He did ask me once if Daddy and I got married if he had to call me Mom. I said absolutely NOT! He could call me anything he wanted as long as it wasn't a curse word!!
My step-son who we do not
My step-son who we do not have custody of but see every other weekend and once a weeknight is 6 and has called me mom since he was 2. His BM has custody of him and he calls her mom too. We didn't teach him to call me mom or tell him he had to call me mom but we also didn't try to "correct" him either. We just let him call me whatever he wants to. Understandably this drives his BM crazy. She has told him that she doesn't like him calling me mom (now that he's old enough to understand) so now he calls me by my name when he's around her and still calls me mom when he's with us.
When he was about 4 he did ask me, "are you my mom" and I explained to him that I'm his step-mom. That was all it took, one conversation and he understood. He knows he can call me by my name and at the age of 6 chooses to still call me mom. I know someday that might change and that's ok. I'll never tell him he has to call me mom or that he has to call me by my name. It's his choice.
I've put myself on the opposite end of it and have thought if his BM ever re-marries and my step-son starts calling that man dad that that will probably hurt my husband but again, we won't tell him not to or that he can't call him that. It will be his choice.
I see it this way, if the kid has two females taking care of him/her, being a mom to him/her, caring about him/her like a mom, the kid has two moms.
Two males doing the same thing, the kid has two dads.
BUT making the kid call either parent by their name or MAKING them call a step-parent mom or dad is not right. At all.
Whatever the child is
Whatever the child is comfortable with is best. Even if they are being forced too, that lack of genuine meaning takes away any validity to it. You can't force a child to call him daddy from the inside, which is the part that matters.
I am a step parent and am called mommy by my step daughter. It is wonderufl, and it makes me feel great, and it is great for our bonding.
I'm called "Miss Kitty" by my
I'm called "Miss Kitty" by my skids. The oldest just asked me the other day, "How come mommy is mommy, and daddy is daddy, and you're Miss Kitty?" I said "Well, your mommy is your mommy...and your daddy is your daddy. And I'm just Miss Kitty...and don't know how else to answer that." But I think he got it.
There have been a couple of times where I picked him up from school, and as we're leaving, one of his friends said something about me being his mom, and he very loudly yelled across the parking lot, "That's not my mommy!" DH had to have a discussion on how things like that are BAD, lol
I don't think kids should be forced to call their stepparents anything they don't want to, and birth parents should ALWAYS be "mom" and "dad". I think anything else is confusing, especially for little ones. I don't mind being "Miss Kitty", as long as they give me the "Miss" - it's a respect thing, and I won't answer to just "Kitty". And I don't want them to call me mom. They have moms, and I'm not trying to take her place (I wish the BM's would get that, though!).